Friday, April 30, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXXIII
Uncle Cyrus: I say, it was might civilized of everyone to finally permit the ladies to enjoy a proper meal, at a restaurant befitting their station.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We don't have to fit into a station. We aren't taking the train.
Mr. Codswallop: I am certain that a more formal meal will be a treat after days of fast food establishments.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And Cy had just started to stop complaining too.
Elizabeth: I must admit that I am enjoying this wonderful evening, sitting here beside Codswallop, who so graciously selected such a fine location.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Flapdoodle so brilliantly secured us a fine table as well.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You get what you pay for.
Uncle Cyrus: Do you mean to say that you bribed someone to provide this table?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I tipped Teddy at the bar.
Uncle Cyrus: They should simply have provided us the best table in the house because of social position.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Use any position you like, but money talks.
Mr. Codswallop: Flapdoodle merely employed an age old technique.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I borrowed the cash from Cy too.
Uncle Cedric: Regardless of how the table was secured, the meal was excellent.
Elizabeth: I am enjoying this fine wine.
Mr. Codswallop: Would you like another glass?
Elizabeth: I most certainly would sir. Thank you.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Want a refil Lady Manor?
Her Ladyship: I certainly would. You are such a gentleman.
Uncle Cyrus: I am feeling nauseous.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I told you not to eat anything with a funny name.
Uncle Cedric: Oh, Cyrus will be fine. His ego is being bruised.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I hope it didn't hurt.
Uncle Cyrus: Must you insist on being such a fool?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Have another belt Cy. You'll be less cranky.
Her Ladyship: Cyrus is certainly irritable this evening.
Uncle Cedric: He is happiest that way.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps we should get back on the road following the completion of the wine.
Uncle Cyrus: I want a brandy.
Mr. Codswallop: We need to catch Charles and Joseph.
Uncle Cyrus: A gentleman needs to enjoy the time allotted to him.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Give old Cy a brandy.It might quiet him down.
Elizabeth: If Codswallop believes we should continue our journey, perhaps we should listen to him.
Uncle Cyrus: Very well. Let us pay the cheque.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Thanks Cy. We appreciate that.
Uncle Cyrus: I did not say that I was paying for the meal.
Mr. Codswallop: I will take care of the financial arrangements. Everyone return to the car.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Let Cy pay. He was the one who hated the drive through.
Mr. Codswallop (when everyone was gone): Flapdoodle, Uncle Cyrus is paying for the meal. He gave me his charge card by mistake.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Now that's something I would have done. I'm proud of you.
Mr. Codswallop: Thank you. Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: We don't have to fit into a station. We aren't taking the train.
Mr. Codswallop: I am certain that a more formal meal will be a treat after days of fast food establishments.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And Cy had just started to stop complaining too.
Elizabeth: I must admit that I am enjoying this wonderful evening, sitting here beside Codswallop, who so graciously selected such a fine location.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Flapdoodle so brilliantly secured us a fine table as well.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You get what you pay for.
Uncle Cyrus: Do you mean to say that you bribed someone to provide this table?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I tipped Teddy at the bar.
Uncle Cyrus: They should simply have provided us the best table in the house because of social position.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Use any position you like, but money talks.
Mr. Codswallop: Flapdoodle merely employed an age old technique.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I borrowed the cash from Cy too.
Uncle Cedric: Regardless of how the table was secured, the meal was excellent.
Elizabeth: I am enjoying this fine wine.
Mr. Codswallop: Would you like another glass?
Elizabeth: I most certainly would sir. Thank you.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Want a refil Lady Manor?
Her Ladyship: I certainly would. You are such a gentleman.
Uncle Cyrus: I am feeling nauseous.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I told you not to eat anything with a funny name.
Uncle Cedric: Oh, Cyrus will be fine. His ego is being bruised.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I hope it didn't hurt.
Uncle Cyrus: Must you insist on being such a fool?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Have another belt Cy. You'll be less cranky.
Her Ladyship: Cyrus is certainly irritable this evening.
Uncle Cedric: He is happiest that way.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps we should get back on the road following the completion of the wine.
Uncle Cyrus: I want a brandy.
Mr. Codswallop: We need to catch Charles and Joseph.
Uncle Cyrus: A gentleman needs to enjoy the time allotted to him.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Give old Cy a brandy.It might quiet him down.
Elizabeth: If Codswallop believes we should continue our journey, perhaps we should listen to him.
Uncle Cyrus: Very well. Let us pay the cheque.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Thanks Cy. We appreciate that.
Uncle Cyrus: I did not say that I was paying for the meal.
Mr. Codswallop: I will take care of the financial arrangements. Everyone return to the car.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Let Cy pay. He was the one who hated the drive through.
Mr. Codswallop (when everyone was gone): Flapdoodle, Uncle Cyrus is paying for the meal. He gave me his charge card by mistake.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Now that's something I would have done. I'm proud of you.
Mr. Codswallop: Thank you. Comments
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXXII
Mr. Codswallop: We have to hurry if we intend to catch Charles and Joseph.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Do they know where they're going? I don't.
Mr. Codswallop: They have the directions for finding the alien Annunaki weapons of mass destruction.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Is there a reason why they want to destroy a Mass?
Uncle Cedric: Thanks to Cyrus, they have not only the map to locate the weaponry, but they have some instructions on their deployment as well.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Is that bad?
Uncle Cedric: Is worse than anyone can possibly imagine.
Elizabeth Stuart: You have to remember too, that father has some very harsh views of humanity.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yeah, that's a surprise.
Elizabeth: Father fully intends to destroy most of the world's population, and enslave the rest.
Mr. Codswallop: His plans are truly evil and heartless.
Elizabeth: He believes he is doing the right thing.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Killing everyone and turning the rest into slaves is the right thing? I'd hate to know what he thinks is wrong.
Elizabeth: He considers democracy and freedom to be wrong. He believes in the power and righteousness of the bloodlines and DNA. By his definition, and I once believed it too, is that the wealthy are superior beings and deserve to rule.
Mr. Codswallop: I suspect he has nothing good for the rest of us in his plans.
Elizabeth: Your job is to serve the elites. In this case, he is referring to the ruling thirteen families. As the thirteenth bloodline, the proposed marriage between myself and Codswallop would result in the heir to the entire planet.
Mr. Flapdoodle: How did he work that out?
Mr. Codswallop: I doubt that you want to know.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Probably not, but tell me anyway.
Uncle Cedric: Long ago, the alien race Annunaki landed on Earth, from their world Niburu, to mine for gold. They needed the gold to form the white powder gold that results in extremely long lives. The Annunaki did not like the work of mining, so they decided to create some slaves. They took primitive humanoids and added some of their own DNA. The result were people.
Elizabeth: Over time, the Annunaki developed some serious rivalries for power between themselves and with their human creations. They started with the desire of some Annunaki to mate with human females.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I can understand that part.
Uncle Cedric: The Annunaki felt that humanity was getting too powerful so Enlil, who wanted sole power, decided to destroy all of the people.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sounds like Chuck and Joe would like him.
Uncle Cedric: His brother Enki, who helped to create humanity in the first place, wanted to spare some of the populace.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I can hear Chuck booing already.
Elizabeth: Enlil had his plan and Enki knew what was planned. When the Niburu system passed near the Earth on Niburu's 3600 year orbit, its gravitational pull would cause a disaster ending the Ice Age, and raining asteroids down on the planet surface.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I knew that I didn't want to know.
Uncle Cedric: Enki had helped a human to survive by letting him overhear his lament for the people. You know him as Noah.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never met him, but I have a cousin Noah. People kept telling him to build boats for a living.
Uncle Cedric: That is only part of the story. There is much more.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That doesn't surprise me.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: Do they know where they're going? I don't.
Mr. Codswallop: They have the directions for finding the alien Annunaki weapons of mass destruction.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Is there a reason why they want to destroy a Mass?
Uncle Cedric: Thanks to Cyrus, they have not only the map to locate the weaponry, but they have some instructions on their deployment as well.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Is that bad?
Uncle Cedric: Is worse than anyone can possibly imagine.
Elizabeth Stuart: You have to remember too, that father has some very harsh views of humanity.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yeah, that's a surprise.
Elizabeth: Father fully intends to destroy most of the world's population, and enslave the rest.
Mr. Codswallop: His plans are truly evil and heartless.
Elizabeth: He believes he is doing the right thing.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Killing everyone and turning the rest into slaves is the right thing? I'd hate to know what he thinks is wrong.
Elizabeth: He considers democracy and freedom to be wrong. He believes in the power and righteousness of the bloodlines and DNA. By his definition, and I once believed it too, is that the wealthy are superior beings and deserve to rule.
Mr. Codswallop: I suspect he has nothing good for the rest of us in his plans.
Elizabeth: Your job is to serve the elites. In this case, he is referring to the ruling thirteen families. As the thirteenth bloodline, the proposed marriage between myself and Codswallop would result in the heir to the entire planet.
Mr. Flapdoodle: How did he work that out?
Mr. Codswallop: I doubt that you want to know.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Probably not, but tell me anyway.
Uncle Cedric: Long ago, the alien race Annunaki landed on Earth, from their world Niburu, to mine for gold. They needed the gold to form the white powder gold that results in extremely long lives. The Annunaki did not like the work of mining, so they decided to create some slaves. They took primitive humanoids and added some of their own DNA. The result were people.
Elizabeth: Over time, the Annunaki developed some serious rivalries for power between themselves and with their human creations. They started with the desire of some Annunaki to mate with human females.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I can understand that part.
Uncle Cedric: The Annunaki felt that humanity was getting too powerful so Enlil, who wanted sole power, decided to destroy all of the people.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sounds like Chuck and Joe would like him.
Uncle Cedric: His brother Enki, who helped to create humanity in the first place, wanted to spare some of the populace.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I can hear Chuck booing already.
Elizabeth: Enlil had his plan and Enki knew what was planned. When the Niburu system passed near the Earth on Niburu's 3600 year orbit, its gravitational pull would cause a disaster ending the Ice Age, and raining asteroids down on the planet surface.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I knew that I didn't want to know.
Uncle Cedric: Enki had helped a human to survive by letting him overhear his lament for the people. You know him as Noah.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never met him, but I have a cousin Noah. People kept telling him to build boats for a living.
Uncle Cedric: That is only part of the story. There is much more.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That doesn't surprise me.
Comments
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXXI
Charles Stuart: We have so many splendid plans for the golden age of this world.
Joseph Stuart: We must maintain order, while ensuring that we and the other twelve elite families are kept in the ruling class.
Charles: That is as it ever was, and as it ever should be in the future.
Joseph: The thirteen ruling families have always selected the candidates for the farces that the masses consider so important.
Charles: Elections are a joke. We shall simply end the ruse and appoint proper governors who will maintain order by whatever means are necessary.
Joseph: Since all classes are hereditary because of the individual DNA, no one can dispute the law. It is fixed for all time. Everyone shall have their DNA recorded. They shall be microchipped for surveillance and no allowed to dress or travel or move beyond their designated locations.
Charles: You are brilliant, Joseph. We shall maintain fine institutions of higher learning where the better classes can develop their true genetic gifts.
Joseph: The rest will be assigned duties acording to their birth.
Charles: Marriage or intimate relations outside of one's class will be punishable by death. It is essential that law be obeyed to maintain the purity of the classes.
Joseph: The exceptions to that rule will be the ruling classes and those immediately below. They will have access to any females or males, for recreational activity, they so choose. There will be no option and the chosen member of the lower class will of course be sterilized upon selection to prevent undue hybridization of their inferior, non-Annunaki genetic makeup.
Charles: I would enjoy selecting some ladies for our pleasure.
Joseph: We would either maintain them as sterile concubines kept in strict confinement, or decree them put to death. Upon any breaches of their rules, the penalty of course, is death.
Charles: I believe that would be suitable. In fact, the death penalty for every infraction of the law is the only language the lesser breeds understand.
Joseph: Some more radical factions of the thirteen families have recommended the reduction of the global population from the current over six billion people to between half and one billion. They suggest massive disease epidemics perhaps spread by forced vaccinations of the sheeplike masses.
Charles: I would order that plan carried out immediatiately. I would call it the Rebirth of Earth.
Joseph: We would preselect the best of the limited minds of the masses ,to be spared, for their menial roles. Of course, the wealthy would be protected, as they deserve to be in a proper society. They will be permitted to bring along beautiful, but sterilized women for their pleasure, as well.
Charles: That is as it should be. The elites have earned that right by virtue of our superior genes. It is the law of nature.
Joseph: I believe that the elite will appreciate the law that enables them to take any female for pleasure at any time as well. Any offspring of the union, should there be any, would be immediately dispensed.
Charles: There can be no resulting children as that would be a crime against nature.
Joseph: The DNA is the sole arbiter of any dispute. The better the class of the party involved determines the winner. It is very simple. The inferiors have done nothing, to deserve even a fraction, of what few rights we will grant them.
Charles: Crime will be dealt with quickly and decisively by death, with no appeals.
Joseph: Since only the lesser breeds, who cannot escape because of their microchips commit crime, our world will be free of criminal activity.
Charles: I suggest we keep the masses drugged and amused at all times, for their own protection and their own good.
Joseph: The masses desire control. It is their true desire. They want and beg to be slaves to their betters. We shall give them that fondest dream.
Charles: This will indeed be a great society. Comments
Joseph Stuart: We must maintain order, while ensuring that we and the other twelve elite families are kept in the ruling class.
Charles: That is as it ever was, and as it ever should be in the future.
Joseph: The thirteen ruling families have always selected the candidates for the farces that the masses consider so important.
Charles: Elections are a joke. We shall simply end the ruse and appoint proper governors who will maintain order by whatever means are necessary.
Joseph: Since all classes are hereditary because of the individual DNA, no one can dispute the law. It is fixed for all time. Everyone shall have their DNA recorded. They shall be microchipped for surveillance and no allowed to dress or travel or move beyond their designated locations.
Charles: You are brilliant, Joseph. We shall maintain fine institutions of higher learning where the better classes can develop their true genetic gifts.
Joseph: The rest will be assigned duties acording to their birth.
Charles: Marriage or intimate relations outside of one's class will be punishable by death. It is essential that law be obeyed to maintain the purity of the classes.
Joseph: The exceptions to that rule will be the ruling classes and those immediately below. They will have access to any females or males, for recreational activity, they so choose. There will be no option and the chosen member of the lower class will of course be sterilized upon selection to prevent undue hybridization of their inferior, non-Annunaki genetic makeup.
Charles: I would enjoy selecting some ladies for our pleasure.
Joseph: We would either maintain them as sterile concubines kept in strict confinement, or decree them put to death. Upon any breaches of their rules, the penalty of course, is death.
Charles: I believe that would be suitable. In fact, the death penalty for every infraction of the law is the only language the lesser breeds understand.
Joseph: Some more radical factions of the thirteen families have recommended the reduction of the global population from the current over six billion people to between half and one billion. They suggest massive disease epidemics perhaps spread by forced vaccinations of the sheeplike masses.
Charles: I would order that plan carried out immediatiately. I would call it the Rebirth of Earth.
Joseph: We would preselect the best of the limited minds of the masses ,to be spared, for their menial roles. Of course, the wealthy would be protected, as they deserve to be in a proper society. They will be permitted to bring along beautiful, but sterilized women for their pleasure, as well.
Charles: That is as it should be. The elites have earned that right by virtue of our superior genes. It is the law of nature.
Joseph: I believe that the elite will appreciate the law that enables them to take any female for pleasure at any time as well. Any offspring of the union, should there be any, would be immediately dispensed.
Charles: There can be no resulting children as that would be a crime against nature.
Joseph: The DNA is the sole arbiter of any dispute. The better the class of the party involved determines the winner. It is very simple. The inferiors have done nothing, to deserve even a fraction, of what few rights we will grant them.
Charles: Crime will be dealt with quickly and decisively by death, with no appeals.
Joseph: Since only the lesser breeds, who cannot escape because of their microchips commit crime, our world will be free of criminal activity.
Charles: I suggest we keep the masses drugged and amused at all times, for their own protection and their own good.
Joseph: The masses desire control. It is their true desire. They want and beg to be slaves to their betters. We shall give them that fondest dream.
Charles: This will indeed be a great society. Comments
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXX
Mr. Codswallop: We were making such wonderful progress and now we have automobile problems.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We ran out of gas.
Mr. Codswallop: How could that be possible?
Mr. Flapdoodle: When we stopped at all of those gas stations, and I went in to buy snacks, did you gas up the car?
Mr. Codswallop: I added some gasoline on every occasion.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I guess we get to walk and get some gas from the nearest town.
Mr. Codswallop:I fail to understand why our gasoline supply failed us.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It's hard to say.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you think that someone has drained our fuel tank?
Mr. Flapdoodle: All I know is we are out of gas.
Uncle Cyrus: You fools. You have left us short of petrol.
Uncle Cedrc: There are worse problems than being low on petrol.
Uncle Cyrus: Yes, having no petrol at all.
Mr. Codswallop: We will rectify the situation as soon as possible.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Just go back to the car and take care of the ladies.
Left alone, the two men discuss the situation.
Mr. Codswallop: We are not out of gasoline are we?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Nope. We need some time to create a plan.
Mr. Codswallop: That is a sensible idea. We must make some arrangements.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We are only a few miles behind Chuck and Joe. They are not driving very fast.
Mr. Codswallop: We need to know what we will do upon encountering them.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We'll think of something.
Mr. Codswallop: I shall return to the automobile and open the hood.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'll bang around in there, and you start the car.
Mr. Codswallop: We need to think of a course of action.
Mr. Flapdoodle: At least we have a bit of time. Chuck and Joe are slow.
Mr. Codswallop: They are very over confident in their position.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Get the car started and let's rock. Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: We ran out of gas.
Mr. Codswallop: How could that be possible?
Mr. Flapdoodle: When we stopped at all of those gas stations, and I went in to buy snacks, did you gas up the car?
Mr. Codswallop: I added some gasoline on every occasion.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I guess we get to walk and get some gas from the nearest town.
Mr. Codswallop:I fail to understand why our gasoline supply failed us.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It's hard to say.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you think that someone has drained our fuel tank?
Mr. Flapdoodle: All I know is we are out of gas.
Uncle Cyrus: You fools. You have left us short of petrol.
Uncle Cedrc: There are worse problems than being low on petrol.
Uncle Cyrus: Yes, having no petrol at all.
Mr. Codswallop: We will rectify the situation as soon as possible.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Just go back to the car and take care of the ladies.
Left alone, the two men discuss the situation.
Mr. Codswallop: We are not out of gasoline are we?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Nope. We need some time to create a plan.
Mr. Codswallop: That is a sensible idea. We must make some arrangements.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We are only a few miles behind Chuck and Joe. They are not driving very fast.
Mr. Codswallop: We need to know what we will do upon encountering them.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We'll think of something.
Mr. Codswallop: I shall return to the automobile and open the hood.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'll bang around in there, and you start the car.
Mr. Codswallop: We need to think of a course of action.
Mr. Flapdoodle: At least we have a bit of time. Chuck and Joe are slow.
Mr. Codswallop: They are very over confident in their position.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Get the car started and let's rock. Comments
Monday, April 26, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXIX
Charles Stuart: It is so nice to dine and contemplate our glorious family future.
Joseph Stuart: I concur. When we take our rightful place, as the head of humanity, the world will be a much better place.
Charles: It certainly will be much improved. The removal of three quarters of those useless eaters from the globe will make the world far more civilized.
Joseph: How is your pheasant?
Charles: Delightful. Your quail is excellent, I trust?
Joseph: It is superb. This is a most wonderful establishment. Their preparation of game birds is unparalleled.
Charles: We must retain this chef for our household. Mark him down to be spared.
Joseph: Of course, we will expect diligence and deferrence on his part.
Charles: I believe we should order that the classes be restricted in their clothing options. Each class shall have a designated uniform.
Joseph: That would certainly prevent the bounders from attempting to rise above their hereditary station.
Charles: As you know, a person's class is part and parcel with their DNA. They have no choice in the matter. They are born to be our inferiors, and we their rulers.
Joseph: We shall have as few members of the riff raff as possible. There should only be enough of them to perform the most menial tasks, and no more.
Charles: We will not have to worry about them demanding raises in their pay, as they will not be permitted to move to other places of employment.
Joseph: As in the past glory days of the world, one is born into their place in society. Movement is not permitted.
Charles: How could it be possible to rise, when their very genetic makeup decrees their very inferiority.
Joseph: Well, that was a most excellent repast. The conversation about maintaining proper social classes was heartening.
Charles: We shall have very strict laws regarding the classes. Any breaches of that law, which are part of the Annunaki created genetic code, will be punishable by death.
Joseph: That is as it should be in a proper society. There is no greater crime against nature than to attempt to portray someone in a better class.
Charles: Such behaviour is unforgivable. The death sentence should be swift. Appeals are a waste of time. Their DNA is their destiny.
Joseph: Our society will usher in a new golden age. Comments
Joseph Stuart: I concur. When we take our rightful place, as the head of humanity, the world will be a much better place.
Charles: It certainly will be much improved. The removal of three quarters of those useless eaters from the globe will make the world far more civilized.
Joseph: How is your pheasant?
Charles: Delightful. Your quail is excellent, I trust?
Joseph: It is superb. This is a most wonderful establishment. Their preparation of game birds is unparalleled.
Charles: We must retain this chef for our household. Mark him down to be spared.
Joseph: Of course, we will expect diligence and deferrence on his part.
Charles: I believe we should order that the classes be restricted in their clothing options. Each class shall have a designated uniform.
Joseph: That would certainly prevent the bounders from attempting to rise above their hereditary station.
Charles: As you know, a person's class is part and parcel with their DNA. They have no choice in the matter. They are born to be our inferiors, and we their rulers.
Joseph: We shall have as few members of the riff raff as possible. There should only be enough of them to perform the most menial tasks, and no more.
Charles: We will not have to worry about them demanding raises in their pay, as they will not be permitted to move to other places of employment.
Joseph: As in the past glory days of the world, one is born into their place in society. Movement is not permitted.
Charles: How could it be possible to rise, when their very genetic makeup decrees their very inferiority.
Joseph: Well, that was a most excellent repast. The conversation about maintaining proper social classes was heartening.
Charles: We shall have very strict laws regarding the classes. Any breaches of that law, which are part of the Annunaki created genetic code, will be punishable by death.
Joseph: That is as it should be in a proper society. There is no greater crime against nature than to attempt to portray someone in a better class.
Charles: Such behaviour is unforgivable. The death sentence should be swift. Appeals are a waste of time. Their DNA is their destiny.
Joseph: Our society will usher in a new golden age. Comments
Sunday, April 25, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXVIII
Mr. Codswallop: Is everyone sufficiently fed following our latest meal?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sure are. Two of those big burgers really hit the spot.
Uncle Cyrus: This has been our fourth consecutive dreadful repast. The ladies' palates must be in agony.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I am very happy to eat alongside Flapdoodle. We are doing very well here thank you.
Elizabeth Stuart: Codswallop selects appropriate items from the admittedly limited menu. We will be just fine under the circumstances.
Uncle Cedric: Did I ever tell you about the time I ate a lizard every day for a week, while I was on the quest for the secrets of the Annunaki?
Umcle Cyrus: I would prefer not to hear such morbid tales, especially following something called "superseizured".
Mr. Flapdoodle: I have just the thing. Hold out your soft drink cups for a little splash of something a bit livelier.
Mr. Codswalap: You are not having open alcoholic beverages in this automobile.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Here you go ladies. Cedric. How about you Cy?
Mr. Codswallop: We could face arrest and incarceration.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Is that what they call drinking in the car over here?
Mr. Codswallop: We must not be stopped by the local constabulary for any foolish reason.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It's okay. It's almost gone anyway.
Uncle Cyrus: What sort of concoction have you acquired, Flapdoodle?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Here ya go, Cy. Cheers. Maybe it'll keep you off my foot.
Her Ladyship: It is good of Flapdoodle to attempt to keep up morale.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never worry much about morals, but I will keep pouring the spirits.
Mr. Codswallop: It is fine provided your spirits are not the end of us.
Uncle Cedric: Charles and Joseph have a much more horrible end in store for everyone, including us.
Elizabeth: Father has lost all sense of proportion, as he attempts to control the entire planet, by means of these hideous alien weapons.
Mr. Codswallop: We will stop him. We simply must maintain our focus.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Cy is already losing his focus, from the extra heavy splashes, he has in his drink.
Uncle Cyrus: Keep them coming my boy.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Splish splash.
Uncle Cedric: And for me as well. Cheers.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And I won't forget the ladies.
Her Ladyship and Elizabeth: Thank you, Flapdoodle.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Good thing that liquor store was well stocked.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sure are. Two of those big burgers really hit the spot.
Uncle Cyrus: This has been our fourth consecutive dreadful repast. The ladies' palates must be in agony.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I am very happy to eat alongside Flapdoodle. We are doing very well here thank you.
Elizabeth Stuart: Codswallop selects appropriate items from the admittedly limited menu. We will be just fine under the circumstances.
Uncle Cedric: Did I ever tell you about the time I ate a lizard every day for a week, while I was on the quest for the secrets of the Annunaki?
Umcle Cyrus: I would prefer not to hear such morbid tales, especially following something called "superseizured".
Mr. Flapdoodle: I have just the thing. Hold out your soft drink cups for a little splash of something a bit livelier.
Mr. Codswalap: You are not having open alcoholic beverages in this automobile.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Here you go ladies. Cedric. How about you Cy?
Mr. Codswallop: We could face arrest and incarceration.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Is that what they call drinking in the car over here?
Mr. Codswallop: We must not be stopped by the local constabulary for any foolish reason.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It's okay. It's almost gone anyway.
Uncle Cyrus: What sort of concoction have you acquired, Flapdoodle?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Here ya go, Cy. Cheers. Maybe it'll keep you off my foot.
Her Ladyship: It is good of Flapdoodle to attempt to keep up morale.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never worry much about morals, but I will keep pouring the spirits.
Mr. Codswallop: It is fine provided your spirits are not the end of us.
Uncle Cedric: Charles and Joseph have a much more horrible end in store for everyone, including us.
Elizabeth: Father has lost all sense of proportion, as he attempts to control the entire planet, by means of these hideous alien weapons.
Mr. Codswallop: We will stop him. We simply must maintain our focus.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Cy is already losing his focus, from the extra heavy splashes, he has in his drink.
Uncle Cyrus: Keep them coming my boy.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Splish splash.
Uncle Cedric: And for me as well. Cheers.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And I won't forget the ladies.
Her Ladyship and Elizabeth: Thank you, Flapdoodle.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Good thing that liquor store was well stocked.
Comments
Saturday, April 24, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXVII
Mr. Codswallop: How is everyone enjoying the journey?
Uncle Cyrus: I am suffering from the pangs of hunger.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That'll teach you to snack between meals.
Uncle Cyrus: We need to stop and enjoy some repast.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Past where?
Uncle Cyrus: Perhaps there is a suitable hostelry somewhere along our route.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm sure we'll see a drive through somewhere.
Uncle Cyrus: You certainly do not mean to imply that we should be inflicted with some fast food abomination.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I've never had an abomination. Is that a burger?
Uncle Cyrus: The ladies have very delicate palates. They cannot be forced to eat the food offered to the masses.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I don't know what you eat at Mass, but we can get some burgers, fries, and rings at the next town.
Uncle Cyrus: Have you no concern whatsoever about the ladies' diets.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't think either lady requires a diet.
Mr. Codswallop: Will you two attempt to stop bickering for at least a moment.
Uncle Cedric: As you are probably aware, Cyrus enjoys a spirited argument.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He argues drunk or sober.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Whatever Flapdoodle decides to eat is fine with me.
Elizabeth Stuart: I will dine wherever Codswallop finds suitable.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I see a fast food sign! Looks just like back home. I hope they have a drive through window.
Uncle Cyrus: Your rather plebian dietary tastes should not be inflicted upon your betters.
Mr. Codswallop: We have no time to discuss the matter. We shall order our food for a take away.
Uncle Cyrus: Who do you expect to pay good money for this tripe.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't think that's on the menu here, but I can check.
Uncle Cyrus: I refuse to dine here.
Mr. Codswallop: Come along Flapdoodle. We shall acquire the sustenance.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Cy doesn't want anything.
Mr. Codswallop: Very well, then he shall go without food.
Uncle Cyrus: I'll have whatever is deemed acceptable to the ladies.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I knew he'd change his mind. Comments
Uncle Cyrus: I am suffering from the pangs of hunger.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That'll teach you to snack between meals.
Uncle Cyrus: We need to stop and enjoy some repast.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Past where?
Uncle Cyrus: Perhaps there is a suitable hostelry somewhere along our route.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm sure we'll see a drive through somewhere.
Uncle Cyrus: You certainly do not mean to imply that we should be inflicted with some fast food abomination.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I've never had an abomination. Is that a burger?
Uncle Cyrus: The ladies have very delicate palates. They cannot be forced to eat the food offered to the masses.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I don't know what you eat at Mass, but we can get some burgers, fries, and rings at the next town.
Uncle Cyrus: Have you no concern whatsoever about the ladies' diets.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't think either lady requires a diet.
Mr. Codswallop: Will you two attempt to stop bickering for at least a moment.
Uncle Cedric: As you are probably aware, Cyrus enjoys a spirited argument.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He argues drunk or sober.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Whatever Flapdoodle decides to eat is fine with me.
Elizabeth Stuart: I will dine wherever Codswallop finds suitable.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I see a fast food sign! Looks just like back home. I hope they have a drive through window.
Uncle Cyrus: Your rather plebian dietary tastes should not be inflicted upon your betters.
Mr. Codswallop: We have no time to discuss the matter. We shall order our food for a take away.
Uncle Cyrus: Who do you expect to pay good money for this tripe.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't think that's on the menu here, but I can check.
Uncle Cyrus: I refuse to dine here.
Mr. Codswallop: Come along Flapdoodle. We shall acquire the sustenance.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Cy doesn't want anything.
Mr. Codswallop: Very well, then he shall go without food.
Uncle Cyrus: I'll have whatever is deemed acceptable to the ladies.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I knew he'd change his mind. Comments
Friday, April 23, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXVI
Mr. Codswallop: Are all of the passengers inside the vehicle?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Cy is standing on my foot.
Uncle Cyrus: I am not anywhere near your disgustingly shod foot.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Then move your foot anyway. It can't hurt you.
Uncle Cyrus: Alright then, if you insist on this pathetic charade.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You want to play charades? There isn't much room in here.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I would sit between Flapdoodle and Cyrus, but Cyrus insists on touching me.
Mr. Flapdoodle: How are things up front?
Elizabeth: I am settled in neatly between Cedric and Codswallop.
Mr. Codswallop: Then we are off.
Mr. Flapdoodle: If only Cy would get off my foot.
Mr. Codswallop: I thought Uncle Cyrus had already moved his foot.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yup, he did. To the other foot.
Her Ladyship: Cyrus is rather a clumsy oaf, is he not?
Uncle Cyrus: You would have done well to have been my bride, young lady.
Her Ladyship: Torture on the rack would have been preferable.
Mr. Codswallop: Now, now. We must attempt to get along. Charles and Joseph are the problem. We must not fight among ourselves.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Cy's foot is awfully heavy.
Uncle Cedric: We know that Charles and Joseph are heading directly to the alien weapons of mass destruction.
Mr. Codswallop: They know the location as a result of Uncle Cyrus's foolishness.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Too bad Cy didn't rest his foot on Chuck.
Elizabeth: Father will use those horrible weapons too. He is desperate and that makes him dangerous to everyone on Earth.
Uncle Cedric: As many of you are aware, the real reason for the Gulf Wars was to locate the Annunaki weapons of mass destruction. Oil was only a secondary, yet still important consideration.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Maybe they could oil Cy's foot and remove it from mine. It's a weapon of mass destruction all by itself.
Uncle Cyrus: Would you quit your incessant whining.
Her Ladyship: Perhaps, you could be less stubborn, Cyrus. And move your offending foot.
Uncle Cyrus: You always take his part against me. All of you are against me.
Her Ladyship: Is there really any wonder?
Uncle Cyrus: I would have been rich and powerful.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Now you are just like the rest of us. The only difference is the rest of us can place our feet better than you can.
Mr. Codswallop: We are off. This car has demonstrably more power than the last one I drove.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I told you. Stay away from those Britmobiles.
Mr. Codswallop: This is a rather vulgar North American vehicle.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Get some tunes on the radio and let's rock!
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: Cy is standing on my foot.
Uncle Cyrus: I am not anywhere near your disgustingly shod foot.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Then move your foot anyway. It can't hurt you.
Uncle Cyrus: Alright then, if you insist on this pathetic charade.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You want to play charades? There isn't much room in here.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I would sit between Flapdoodle and Cyrus, but Cyrus insists on touching me.
Mr. Flapdoodle: How are things up front?
Elizabeth: I am settled in neatly between Cedric and Codswallop.
Mr. Codswallop: Then we are off.
Mr. Flapdoodle: If only Cy would get off my foot.
Mr. Codswallop: I thought Uncle Cyrus had already moved his foot.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yup, he did. To the other foot.
Her Ladyship: Cyrus is rather a clumsy oaf, is he not?
Uncle Cyrus: You would have done well to have been my bride, young lady.
Her Ladyship: Torture on the rack would have been preferable.
Mr. Codswallop: Now, now. We must attempt to get along. Charles and Joseph are the problem. We must not fight among ourselves.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Cy's foot is awfully heavy.
Uncle Cedric: We know that Charles and Joseph are heading directly to the alien weapons of mass destruction.
Mr. Codswallop: They know the location as a result of Uncle Cyrus's foolishness.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Too bad Cy didn't rest his foot on Chuck.
Elizabeth: Father will use those horrible weapons too. He is desperate and that makes him dangerous to everyone on Earth.
Uncle Cedric: As many of you are aware, the real reason for the Gulf Wars was to locate the Annunaki weapons of mass destruction. Oil was only a secondary, yet still important consideration.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Maybe they could oil Cy's foot and remove it from mine. It's a weapon of mass destruction all by itself.
Uncle Cyrus: Would you quit your incessant whining.
Her Ladyship: Perhaps, you could be less stubborn, Cyrus. And move your offending foot.
Uncle Cyrus: You always take his part against me. All of you are against me.
Her Ladyship: Is there really any wonder?
Uncle Cyrus: I would have been rich and powerful.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Now you are just like the rest of us. The only difference is the rest of us can place our feet better than you can.
Mr. Codswallop: We are off. This car has demonstrably more power than the last one I drove.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I told you. Stay away from those Britmobiles.
Mr. Codswallop: This is a rather vulgar North American vehicle.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Get some tunes on the radio and let's rock!
Comments
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXV
Mr. Codswallop: Come along everyone. We must go after Charles and Joseph.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'll get a car going.
Mr. Codswallop: I trust you will find one with its tires fully inflated.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm sure I can. I flattened all the British ones. Not that any of them run anyway.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe that is a rather blanket indictment of good British engineering.
Mr. Codswallop: That's the in and out of it alright.
Uncle Cyrus: What difference does it make anyway. Charles and Joseph have too great a head start. It is hopeless to attempt to overtake them now.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm glad I'm going to get a car. I won't have to listen to him moan.
Uncle Cedric: Come along Cyrus. We will catch them.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Yes, Cyrus. You were almost a man once.
Elizabeth: Father will head directly for the weaponry. He will most assuredly attempt to use it on the world.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cedric, you will have to point out the way.
Uncle Cedric: I can do that, but you have to take care of Cyrus.
Her Ladyship: As long I as I do not get that task.
Elizabeth: We are needed to defeat father's plans.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I have a North American car ready to go. It's running outside.
Uncle Cyrus: Surely there will be no petrol.
Mr. Flapdoodle: If you mean gas, I got some from some other cars.
Mr. Codswallop: Did you resort to theft?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I siphoned it from Joe's car. He went with Chuck. I guess they got their tires changed.
Uncle Cyrus: How do you expect us to travel with a common criminal such as Flapdoodle.
Uncle Cedric: A few litres of petrol is nothing compared to the destructive power of the alien Annunaki weaponry. Charles is greedily stealing life from humanity.
Uncle Cyrus: Then it is all over. Let me pass to my reward in peace.
Mr. Codswallop: You shall not be let off the proverbial hook that easily. You are coming with us.
Elizabeth: You take command beautifully, Codswallop.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Car's gassed up. Let's put the pedal to the metal.
Uncle Cyrus: Must he speak in those dreadful colloquialisms?
Mr. Flapdoodle: There is nothing wrong with my clothes.
Mr. Codswallop: He is referring to your rather casual usage of the Queen's English.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Even I know the Queen is English.
Uncle Cyrus: We are doomed for sure.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Let's play Charlie some rock and roll.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'll get a car going.
Mr. Codswallop: I trust you will find one with its tires fully inflated.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm sure I can. I flattened all the British ones. Not that any of them run anyway.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe that is a rather blanket indictment of good British engineering.
Mr. Codswallop: That's the in and out of it alright.
Uncle Cyrus: What difference does it make anyway. Charles and Joseph have too great a head start. It is hopeless to attempt to overtake them now.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm glad I'm going to get a car. I won't have to listen to him moan.
Uncle Cedric: Come along Cyrus. We will catch them.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Yes, Cyrus. You were almost a man once.
Elizabeth: Father will head directly for the weaponry. He will most assuredly attempt to use it on the world.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cedric, you will have to point out the way.
Uncle Cedric: I can do that, but you have to take care of Cyrus.
Her Ladyship: As long I as I do not get that task.
Elizabeth: We are needed to defeat father's plans.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I have a North American car ready to go. It's running outside.
Uncle Cyrus: Surely there will be no petrol.
Mr. Flapdoodle: If you mean gas, I got some from some other cars.
Mr. Codswallop: Did you resort to theft?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I siphoned it from Joe's car. He went with Chuck. I guess they got their tires changed.
Uncle Cyrus: How do you expect us to travel with a common criminal such as Flapdoodle.
Uncle Cedric: A few litres of petrol is nothing compared to the destructive power of the alien Annunaki weaponry. Charles is greedily stealing life from humanity.
Uncle Cyrus: Then it is all over. Let me pass to my reward in peace.
Mr. Codswallop: You shall not be let off the proverbial hook that easily. You are coming with us.
Elizabeth: You take command beautifully, Codswallop.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Car's gassed up. Let's put the pedal to the metal.
Uncle Cyrus: Must he speak in those dreadful colloquialisms?
Mr. Flapdoodle: There is nothing wrong with my clothes.
Mr. Codswallop: He is referring to your rather casual usage of the Queen's English.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Even I know the Queen is English.
Uncle Cyrus: We are doomed for sure.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Let's play Charlie some rock and roll.
Comments
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXIV
Uncle Cyrus: We are beaten. Charles and Joseph will locate the alien Annunaki weapons of mass destruction and it will be over for us all.
Mr. Flapdoodle: A hangover sure puts Cy in a bad mood.
Mr. Codswallop: He is always a pessimistic man.
Uncle Cedric: That's true. Even as a child he was all doom and gloom.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Your house must have been a really fun place.
Mr. Codswallop: It was never that bad.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Or that good either.
Uncle Cyrus: All is lost. We had best prepare for our impending demise.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Even when he's about to die, he uses big words.
Uncle Cedric: Cyrus will retain his version of dignity to the end.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'd rather do something to try to stop it.
Mr. Codswallop: I agree entirely. We must act to stop Charles and Joseph.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Better a plan than whine like Cy.
Elizabeth: Father will attempt a direct seizure of the weaponry.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He doesn't sound very imaginative.
Mr. Codswallop: Charles has a single goal in mind.
Elizabeth: You are correct, my love. He will not deviate from his planned course of action.
Mr. Codswallop: We are not being married.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We still have the Rev. I could throw some cold water on him and wake him up. He's been passed out for awhile now.
Mr. Codswallop: I doubt that we will require such drastic measures. We have more important matters at hand.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Since Charles had plans of marrying me to Joseph, I have a stake in the outcome as well.
Uncle Cyrus: Even Her Ladyship has abandoned me.
Her Ladyship: I was to keep an eye on Cyrus. I had no choice. I had to repay my father's debt to Charles. Had I not done so, Charles would have seized Pyle Manor.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm surprised he didn't steal it anyway.
Her Ladyship: You are so brave to help us, Flapdoodle.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I just go with the flow.
Mr. Codswallop: We must act quickly or the game will already be lost.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We are playing games now? I thought we were chasing Chuck.
Mr. Codswallop: It was a figure of speech.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That figures. Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: A hangover sure puts Cy in a bad mood.
Mr. Codswallop: He is always a pessimistic man.
Uncle Cedric: That's true. Even as a child he was all doom and gloom.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Your house must have been a really fun place.
Mr. Codswallop: It was never that bad.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Or that good either.
Uncle Cyrus: All is lost. We had best prepare for our impending demise.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Even when he's about to die, he uses big words.
Uncle Cedric: Cyrus will retain his version of dignity to the end.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'd rather do something to try to stop it.
Mr. Codswallop: I agree entirely. We must act to stop Charles and Joseph.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Better a plan than whine like Cy.
Elizabeth: Father will attempt a direct seizure of the weaponry.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He doesn't sound very imaginative.
Mr. Codswallop: Charles has a single goal in mind.
Elizabeth: You are correct, my love. He will not deviate from his planned course of action.
Mr. Codswallop: We are not being married.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We still have the Rev. I could throw some cold water on him and wake him up. He's been passed out for awhile now.
Mr. Codswallop: I doubt that we will require such drastic measures. We have more important matters at hand.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Since Charles had plans of marrying me to Joseph, I have a stake in the outcome as well.
Uncle Cyrus: Even Her Ladyship has abandoned me.
Her Ladyship: I was to keep an eye on Cyrus. I had no choice. I had to repay my father's debt to Charles. Had I not done so, Charles would have seized Pyle Manor.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm surprised he didn't steal it anyway.
Her Ladyship: You are so brave to help us, Flapdoodle.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I just go with the flow.
Mr. Codswallop: We must act quickly or the game will already be lost.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We are playing games now? I thought we were chasing Chuck.
Mr. Codswallop: It was a figure of speech.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That figures. Comments
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXIII
Charles Stuart: Have they not got those tires replaced as of yet?
Joseph Stuart: No, despite my offering them a bonus for a radid replacement.
Charles: Once again, it is proven that the entire human race is worthless and not deserving of life.
Joseph: That would appear to be the case.
Charles: I will so enjoy anhiliating all of them once and for all.
Joseph: Those who lack the true bloodline truly are the lowest form of vermin.
Charles: All one needs to do is look at that ridiculous Flapdoodle to realize that humanity is an entirely hopeless cause.
Joseph: I shall go and attempt to get these pathetic tradesmen to hurry in their pathetic efforts.
Charles: There is one certainty in life. Tradesmen have no value to anyone. I have a plan in store for him as well.
Joseph: Come here, you disgusting piece of rubbish.
Charles: Note how the cur answered when you called.
Tow truck driver: Your tires are almost replaced, sir.
Joseph: You are so pitifully slow, that it is beyond belief of any sane man how you could possibly even remain alive.
Tow truck driver: I have to replace all four of your tires. It has not been that long.
Joseph: Your mealy mouthed excuses will only get your bill left unpaid.
Tow truck driver: If you would let me get back to work, I could get the job completed, and you can be on your way.
Joseph: I assured you that a bonus would be coming your way for an expeditious completion.
Tow truck driver: Your job will be finished as agreed.
Charles: Be quick about it you stupid dog. Have you not got the brains of a goose?
Tow truck driver: Your insults will not make the work go any faster.
Charles: That is all. You are dismissed. Get out of my sight.
Tow truck driver: But you have three new tires on the car and one more to go.
Charles: Ah, here you are Constable. Have this man arrested for theft.
Tow truck driver: Theft? Of what?
Charles: While fixing my tire, this man has stolen valuables from the automobile.
Constable: Is that true, sir?
Tow truck driver: I have no idea what this man is talking about.
Charles: He denies it like the pathetic thieving cur that he is. Arrest him.
Constable: Come along then, let us go down to the station and talk.
Tow truck driver: But I have not taken anything and these men owe me for tires.
Charles: Listen to his lies. They get worse by the moment.
Constable: Come along then. Off we go.
Charles (when Tow truck driver and Constable are gone): Notice how stupid and gullible these fools are.
Joseph: I have the fourth tire installed. We are all prepared to go and retrieve the weaponry.
Charles: Our moment of glory is at hand.
Joseph: There do not appear to be any obstacles in our way.
Charles: I shall rule the world and destroy most of the pathetic people that live on it.
Joseph: We have no time to lose.
Comments
Joseph Stuart: No, despite my offering them a bonus for a radid replacement.
Charles: Once again, it is proven that the entire human race is worthless and not deserving of life.
Joseph: That would appear to be the case.
Charles: I will so enjoy anhiliating all of them once and for all.
Joseph: Those who lack the true bloodline truly are the lowest form of vermin.
Charles: All one needs to do is look at that ridiculous Flapdoodle to realize that humanity is an entirely hopeless cause.
Joseph: I shall go and attempt to get these pathetic tradesmen to hurry in their pathetic efforts.
Charles: There is one certainty in life. Tradesmen have no value to anyone. I have a plan in store for him as well.
Joseph: Come here, you disgusting piece of rubbish.
Charles: Note how the cur answered when you called.
Tow truck driver: Your tires are almost replaced, sir.
Joseph: You are so pitifully slow, that it is beyond belief of any sane man how you could possibly even remain alive.
Tow truck driver: I have to replace all four of your tires. It has not been that long.
Joseph: Your mealy mouthed excuses will only get your bill left unpaid.
Tow truck driver: If you would let me get back to work, I could get the job completed, and you can be on your way.
Joseph: I assured you that a bonus would be coming your way for an expeditious completion.
Tow truck driver: Your job will be finished as agreed.
Charles: Be quick about it you stupid dog. Have you not got the brains of a goose?
Tow truck driver: Your insults will not make the work go any faster.
Charles: That is all. You are dismissed. Get out of my sight.
Tow truck driver: But you have three new tires on the car and one more to go.
Charles: Ah, here you are Constable. Have this man arrested for theft.
Tow truck driver: Theft? Of what?
Charles: While fixing my tire, this man has stolen valuables from the automobile.
Constable: Is that true, sir?
Tow truck driver: I have no idea what this man is talking about.
Charles: He denies it like the pathetic thieving cur that he is. Arrest him.
Constable: Come along then, let us go down to the station and talk.
Tow truck driver: But I have not taken anything and these men owe me for tires.
Charles: Listen to his lies. They get worse by the moment.
Constable: Come along then. Off we go.
Charles (when Tow truck driver and Constable are gone): Notice how stupid and gullible these fools are.
Joseph: I have the fourth tire installed. We are all prepared to go and retrieve the weaponry.
Charles: Our moment of glory is at hand.
Joseph: There do not appear to be any obstacles in our way.
Charles: I shall rule the world and destroy most of the pathetic people that live on it.
Joseph: We have no time to lose.
Comments
Monday, April 19, 2004
Catching the spirits
Mr. Codswallop: Once again Darren Rowse at Blogger Idol is looking forward to our input.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Our input into what? The last time someone asked for input, they handed me a shovel, and wanted me to dig.
Mr. Codswallop: He wants our opinions and experiences with spirituality.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It's about time he asked about spirits. I have lots of experience there.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe he is referring to spirituality of a more religious nature.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oh, no problem. During one of the Reverend Bicklighter's services, a few belts of spirits sure helps.
Mr. Codswallop: You appear to be confusing spirits with spirituality. They are not the same thing.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's what those tax collector guys told Mr. McGillicutty when they raided his still. They said his spirits were not the same thing either.
Mr. Codswallop: The topic is not about your consumption of alcoholic beverages, but your religious experiences.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, if you put it that way. I was in church once when the Rev was really going on about fire and brimstone.
Mr. Codswallop: Did you have a spiritual awakening?
Mr. Flapdoodle: He ruined a really good sleep that time too.
Mr. Codswallop: You attended a lot of Sunday School as a boy, did you not?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I sure did. Old Man Murphy used to sing some spirituals too.
Mr. Codswallop: Now we appear to be on the right track.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He'd get loaded up with spirits from Mr. McGillicutty and he'd start to sing at the top of his lungs.
Mr. Codswallop: He did that in church?
Mr. Flapdoodle: He sure did. He was drunk as a lord and singing away at what he called his spituals.
Mr. Codswallop: Which songs of praise were his choices.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, none of them were really for mixed company, so to speak, but the Rev never booted him out of church.
Mr. Codswallop: Why would he tolerate such outbursts?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, when the steeple was torn off the church by the local boys one Hallowe'en, Old Man Murphy gave the church a new one.
Mr. Codswallop: Well, that was certainly a wonderful gesture on his part.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The only condition was he could sing his spituals every Sunday.
Mr. Codswallop: That sounded like a modest request, but appeared to turn out quite differently.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It sure did. But the Rev wanted his church to look nice and he made the deal.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps the outbursts are a small price to pay for the good of the congregation.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, they are sure a great advertisement for the power of Mr. McGillicutty's spirits.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: Our input into what? The last time someone asked for input, they handed me a shovel, and wanted me to dig.
Mr. Codswallop: He wants our opinions and experiences with spirituality.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It's about time he asked about spirits. I have lots of experience there.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe he is referring to spirituality of a more religious nature.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oh, no problem. During one of the Reverend Bicklighter's services, a few belts of spirits sure helps.
Mr. Codswallop: You appear to be confusing spirits with spirituality. They are not the same thing.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's what those tax collector guys told Mr. McGillicutty when they raided his still. They said his spirits were not the same thing either.
Mr. Codswallop: The topic is not about your consumption of alcoholic beverages, but your religious experiences.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, if you put it that way. I was in church once when the Rev was really going on about fire and brimstone.
Mr. Codswallop: Did you have a spiritual awakening?
Mr. Flapdoodle: He ruined a really good sleep that time too.
Mr. Codswallop: You attended a lot of Sunday School as a boy, did you not?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I sure did. Old Man Murphy used to sing some spirituals too.
Mr. Codswallop: Now we appear to be on the right track.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He'd get loaded up with spirits from Mr. McGillicutty and he'd start to sing at the top of his lungs.
Mr. Codswallop: He did that in church?
Mr. Flapdoodle: He sure did. He was drunk as a lord and singing away at what he called his spituals.
Mr. Codswallop: Which songs of praise were his choices.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, none of them were really for mixed company, so to speak, but the Rev never booted him out of church.
Mr. Codswallop: Why would he tolerate such outbursts?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, when the steeple was torn off the church by the local boys one Hallowe'en, Old Man Murphy gave the church a new one.
Mr. Codswallop: Well, that was certainly a wonderful gesture on his part.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The only condition was he could sing his spituals every Sunday.
Mr. Codswallop: That sounded like a modest request, but appeared to turn out quite differently.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It sure did. But the Rev wanted his church to look nice and he made the deal.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps the outbursts are a small price to pay for the good of the congregation.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, they are sure a great advertisement for the power of Mr. McGillicutty's spirits.
Comments
Sunday, April 18, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXII
Mr. Flapdoodle: I can't believe it. Chuck and Joe sent all the way to town to get someone to change their tires.
Elizabeth Stuart: My father would never dirty his hands by changing a tire.
Mr. Codswallop: Flapdoodle, your idea of flattening their tires was brilliant.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I threw away the valve stems too.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: They will be even more angry after this turn of events.
Mr. Flapdoodle: When are they not mad?
Mr. Codswallop: That is true. I have never seen Charles smile.
Elizabeth: My father believes smiling is for losers and idiots. A smile should be reserved only for times of victory and triumph.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yup, he never smiles.
Her Ladyship: Now that was funny.
Uncle Cyrus: We must act quickly. If they get their hands upon those alien weapons of mass destruction, they can control the entire world.
Uncle Cedric: Do they have the location of the weapons?
Uncle Cyrus: I believe that they are aware of where to find them.
Uncle Cedric: And how did that unfortunate event occur?
Uncle Cyrus: I sold them the information.
Mr. Codswallop: How could you do such a terrible thing?
Uncle Cyrus: I believed I was doing what is best for humanity and for our family.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yup. Blowing up the world is great news.
Elizabeth: In defence of Cyrus, he believed father's lies about using the weaponry to prevent wars and to maintain the peace.
Her Ladyship: You actually believed that story?
Uncle Cyrus: I knew it was too good to be true, but I wanted to believe.
Mr. Codswallop: Incidently, where are the ill gotten gains from this adventure?
Uncle Cyrus: Charles failed to pay as agreed, but promised to pay double once the marriage took place.
Elizabeth: That is one of father's oldest tricks. He keeps offering double and double and never pays.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Double of nothing is still nothing.
Uncle Cedric: Have any of you got any idea how powerful those alien Annunaki weapons of mass destruction are, in the improper hands?
Mr. Codswallop: I have the feeling that you are going to tell us.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Tell us they are like Mr. McGillicutty's car and never worked.
Uncle Cedric: Unfortunately, that is not the case.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Why does that not surprise me.
Uncle Cyrus: What have I done?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Nothing good.
Comments
Elizabeth Stuart: My father would never dirty his hands by changing a tire.
Mr. Codswallop: Flapdoodle, your idea of flattening their tires was brilliant.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I threw away the valve stems too.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: They will be even more angry after this turn of events.
Mr. Flapdoodle: When are they not mad?
Mr. Codswallop: That is true. I have never seen Charles smile.
Elizabeth: My father believes smiling is for losers and idiots. A smile should be reserved only for times of victory and triumph.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yup, he never smiles.
Her Ladyship: Now that was funny.
Uncle Cyrus: We must act quickly. If they get their hands upon those alien weapons of mass destruction, they can control the entire world.
Uncle Cedric: Do they have the location of the weapons?
Uncle Cyrus: I believe that they are aware of where to find them.
Uncle Cedric: And how did that unfortunate event occur?
Uncle Cyrus: I sold them the information.
Mr. Codswallop: How could you do such a terrible thing?
Uncle Cyrus: I believed I was doing what is best for humanity and for our family.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yup. Blowing up the world is great news.
Elizabeth: In defence of Cyrus, he believed father's lies about using the weaponry to prevent wars and to maintain the peace.
Her Ladyship: You actually believed that story?
Uncle Cyrus: I knew it was too good to be true, but I wanted to believe.
Mr. Codswallop: Incidently, where are the ill gotten gains from this adventure?
Uncle Cyrus: Charles failed to pay as agreed, but promised to pay double once the marriage took place.
Elizabeth: That is one of father's oldest tricks. He keeps offering double and double and never pays.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Double of nothing is still nothing.
Uncle Cedric: Have any of you got any idea how powerful those alien Annunaki weapons of mass destruction are, in the improper hands?
Mr. Codswallop: I have the feeling that you are going to tell us.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Tell us they are like Mr. McGillicutty's car and never worked.
Uncle Cedric: Unfortunately, that is not the case.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Why does that not surprise me.
Uncle Cyrus: What have I done?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Nothing good.
Comments
Saturday, April 17, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXI
Charles Stuart: We will not have to concern ourselves with our plans being foiled. We will still rule all of humanity, with or without that nincompoop Codswallop.
Joseph Stuart: We will carry on with the seizure of the global strings of power.
Charles: Yes, the ruling elite will gladly support us, as we are the best means to their ends.
Joseph: And to ours as well.
Charles: We have all of the ruling family dynasties on our side, by virtue of the Annunaki bloodline ties.
Joseph: We can also call upon the members of the many secret societies as well. They are all such dupes anyway.
Charles: We probably will not require their assistance. After all, we are only facing a rag tag band of imbeciles.
Joseph: They certainly cannot compete with our superior genetics and levels of intellectual attainment.
Charles: We only have my daughter Elizabeth to concern us in any way.
Jospeh: She will have no option but to join us once we triumph over those fools. It is in her best interests to do so.
Charles: I am concerned that she is developing an infatuation with that ridiculous Codswallop. The plan was to have an heir by him, and then to dispose of him.
Joseph: It is entirely too bad that we lack a sperm donation from him. I would very much enjoy arranging an accident for him.
Charles: That pair of Cyrus and Cedric Codswallop have double crossed us. They too shall meet an unfortunate and painful end.
Joseph: Her Ladyship was to be my prize as a bride. That appears to have gone by the wayside as well. She seems to be foolishly interested in tha Flapdoodle person.
Charles: No lady of any intelligence could possibly see anything in that fool. He has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
Joseph: Let us go into the city and contact some of our secret society friends. We can use them and discard them when the time comes as well.
Charles: We shall rule all.
Joseph: This car is not going anywhere.
Charles: What is the matter?
Joseph (returning from an inspection): Someone has let the air out of our tires.
Charles: Codswallop and Flapdoodle's feigning of trips to the lavatory!
Joseph: Believe me, they shall pay dearly for this childish prank. Comments
Joseph Stuart: We will carry on with the seizure of the global strings of power.
Charles: Yes, the ruling elite will gladly support us, as we are the best means to their ends.
Joseph: And to ours as well.
Charles: We have all of the ruling family dynasties on our side, by virtue of the Annunaki bloodline ties.
Joseph: We can also call upon the members of the many secret societies as well. They are all such dupes anyway.
Charles: We probably will not require their assistance. After all, we are only facing a rag tag band of imbeciles.
Joseph: They certainly cannot compete with our superior genetics and levels of intellectual attainment.
Charles: We only have my daughter Elizabeth to concern us in any way.
Jospeh: She will have no option but to join us once we triumph over those fools. It is in her best interests to do so.
Charles: I am concerned that she is developing an infatuation with that ridiculous Codswallop. The plan was to have an heir by him, and then to dispose of him.
Joseph: It is entirely too bad that we lack a sperm donation from him. I would very much enjoy arranging an accident for him.
Charles: That pair of Cyrus and Cedric Codswallop have double crossed us. They too shall meet an unfortunate and painful end.
Joseph: Her Ladyship was to be my prize as a bride. That appears to have gone by the wayside as well. She seems to be foolishly interested in tha Flapdoodle person.
Charles: No lady of any intelligence could possibly see anything in that fool. He has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
Joseph: Let us go into the city and contact some of our secret society friends. We can use them and discard them when the time comes as well.
Charles: We shall rule all.
Joseph: This car is not going anywhere.
Charles: What is the matter?
Joseph (returning from an inspection): Someone has let the air out of our tires.
Charles: Codswallop and Flapdoodle's feigning of trips to the lavatory!
Joseph: Believe me, they shall pay dearly for this childish prank. Comments
Friday, April 16, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LX
Mr. Codswallop: We must formulate a plan of action.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'll drink to that. How about you Rev?
Reverend: Let us sing together....hymn number...
Elizabeth: I believe that the good Reverend is unavailable at the moment.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I doubt if he ever was part of this reality.
Elizabeth: He was nice though.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He enjoyed a good drink.
Mr. Codswallop: You speak of the man as if he had passed on.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He sure never passed on a drink offer.
Mr. Codswallop: We must return to the business at hand.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'll say. We still have a few drinks left to finish.
Mr. Codswallop: I meant that we need to create an action plan.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I plan to finish my drink.
Elizabeth: Codswallop, you must take charge here.
Mr. Codswallop: We need to examine the situation very carefully.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We are down to our final drinks.
Her Ladyship: Flapdoodle, you must have some strategic ideas of your own?
Mr. Flapdoodle: We have to get away from here. Once we finish our drinks of course.
Her Ladyship: I know I can depend on you, Flapdoodle.
Uncle Cyrus: I am in charge here. Your Ladyship, I command you to stop flirting with that...that...fool.
Her Ladyship: I shall flirt with whomever I choose.
Uncle Cyrus: I am the right man for you. That idiot can barely even put a sentence together.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Who is getting sentenced now?
Uncle Cyrus: You can plainly see that he has no value to humanity.
Her Ladyship: Humanity may in fact depend on him.
Elizabeth: It will also depend on Codswallop.
Her Ladyship: They appear to be a team and Elizabeth and I have complete confidence in them.
Elizabeth: We once doubted them as well. In fact, we were on the opposite side from them.
Her Ladyship: They are the hope for the human race's freedom.
Uncle Cyrus: Then I pity humanity.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'll drink to that. How about you Rev?
Reverend: Let us sing together....hymn number...
Elizabeth: I believe that the good Reverend is unavailable at the moment.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I doubt if he ever was part of this reality.
Elizabeth: He was nice though.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He enjoyed a good drink.
Mr. Codswallop: You speak of the man as if he had passed on.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He sure never passed on a drink offer.
Mr. Codswallop: We must return to the business at hand.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'll say. We still have a few drinks left to finish.
Mr. Codswallop: I meant that we need to create an action plan.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I plan to finish my drink.
Elizabeth: Codswallop, you must take charge here.
Mr. Codswallop: We need to examine the situation very carefully.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We are down to our final drinks.
Her Ladyship: Flapdoodle, you must have some strategic ideas of your own?
Mr. Flapdoodle: We have to get away from here. Once we finish our drinks of course.
Her Ladyship: I know I can depend on you, Flapdoodle.
Uncle Cyrus: I am in charge here. Your Ladyship, I command you to stop flirting with that...that...fool.
Her Ladyship: I shall flirt with whomever I choose.
Uncle Cyrus: I am the right man for you. That idiot can barely even put a sentence together.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Who is getting sentenced now?
Uncle Cyrus: You can plainly see that he has no value to humanity.
Her Ladyship: Humanity may in fact depend on him.
Elizabeth: It will also depend on Codswallop.
Her Ladyship: They appear to be a team and Elizabeth and I have complete confidence in them.
Elizabeth: We once doubted them as well. In fact, we were on the opposite side from them.
Her Ladyship: They are the hope for the human race's freedom.
Uncle Cyrus: Then I pity humanity.
Comments
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LIX
Mr. Codswallop: Now that the wedding has been cancelled once again, it is time to formulate a plan.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Are you planning another wedding to cancel?
Mr. Codswallop: We must have some idea in place to thwart Charles and Joseph from unfolding their diabolical scheme.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And we have to stop them too.
Uncle Cyrus: I fully expect to be compensated for my contributions, as agreed.
Mr. Flapdoodle: As if that's ever going to happen.
Uncle Cyrus: How dare you speak to me in such and insolent manner.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You sure don't like anyone else to talk, do you?
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Flapdoodle is correct. Charles only intends to use you, Cyrus. He will then discard you when you have completed your end of the bargain.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sounds like making a deal with old Mr. Merryweather. He sold Cousin Ezra a car one day and took it back the next. He said it was stolen.
Uncle Cyrus: Has anyone in the entire Flapdoodle clan got even a morsel of a brain?
Mr. Flapdoodle: About the same amount as you, Cy. You fell for the same old trick.
Uncle Cyrus: You will pay for that remark.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You don't want me to speak, but I can if I pay you?
Elizabeth: I do not want to be a part of my father's plans any longer.
Her Ladyship: You have made the right choice Elizabeth.
Mr. Codswallop: We are all on the same side, then. Of course, Uncle Cyrus is a reluctant supporter.
Uncle Cedric: You can depend on my support, however.
Mr. Codswallop: We never doubted you for a moment.
Uncle Cyrus: How did I turn into the villain of this piece?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Piece of what?
Uncle Cyrus: Never mind, you idiot. You would never understand the complexity of moden geopolitical machinations on any level.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I figured out Mr. McGillicutty's still. You should see how many pipes and copper tubes that thing has.
Uncle Cyrus: I could use a little pick me up, following all of this excitement.
Mr. Codswallop: Here is just what the doctor ordered.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I have him well trained, you know.
Uncle Cyrus: Heaven help us.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: Are you planning another wedding to cancel?
Mr. Codswallop: We must have some idea in place to thwart Charles and Joseph from unfolding their diabolical scheme.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And we have to stop them too.
Uncle Cyrus: I fully expect to be compensated for my contributions, as agreed.
Mr. Flapdoodle: As if that's ever going to happen.
Uncle Cyrus: How dare you speak to me in such and insolent manner.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You sure don't like anyone else to talk, do you?
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Flapdoodle is correct. Charles only intends to use you, Cyrus. He will then discard you when you have completed your end of the bargain.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sounds like making a deal with old Mr. Merryweather. He sold Cousin Ezra a car one day and took it back the next. He said it was stolen.
Uncle Cyrus: Has anyone in the entire Flapdoodle clan got even a morsel of a brain?
Mr. Flapdoodle: About the same amount as you, Cy. You fell for the same old trick.
Uncle Cyrus: You will pay for that remark.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You don't want me to speak, but I can if I pay you?
Elizabeth: I do not want to be a part of my father's plans any longer.
Her Ladyship: You have made the right choice Elizabeth.
Mr. Codswallop: We are all on the same side, then. Of course, Uncle Cyrus is a reluctant supporter.
Uncle Cedric: You can depend on my support, however.
Mr. Codswallop: We never doubted you for a moment.
Uncle Cyrus: How did I turn into the villain of this piece?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Piece of what?
Uncle Cyrus: Never mind, you idiot. You would never understand the complexity of moden geopolitical machinations on any level.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I figured out Mr. McGillicutty's still. You should see how many pipes and copper tubes that thing has.
Uncle Cyrus: I could use a little pick me up, following all of this excitement.
Mr. Codswallop: Here is just what the doctor ordered.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I have him well trained, you know.
Uncle Cyrus: Heaven help us.
Comments
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LVIII
Mr. Codswallop: Where are Charles Stuart and Joseph located at the present moment?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Either planning the end of the world, or meeting local ladies.
Mr. Codswallop: I would bet on the end of the world option.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They certainly don't seem the romantic types.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Come Flapdoodle, let us take a stroll in the moonlight.
Elizabeth: That sounds like a wonderful idea. Will you join me Codswallop?
Uncle Cyrus: Your Ladyship, I was under the belief that you were being escorted by me.
Her Ladyship: You obviously need to change your beliefs.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That is easy to do, since we are in a church.
Uncle Cyrus: Your Ladyship, I had plans for our future together.
Her Ladyship: It would appear that you shall have to change them, I should think.
Uncle Cyrus: Has that ridiculous Flapdoodle turned your head? How could you choose that illiterate ruffian over me?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I used to be able to read.
Uncle Cedric: Now settle down Cyrus. All is fair in love and war. It is fair in almost anything else, if you ask Charles.
Uncle Cyrus: Has everyone turned on me now?
Mr. Codswallop: Charles never had your best intentions at heart. His only concern was for himself.
Uncle Cyrus: And what of Joseph? I believed him to be my friend as well.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Looks like you've got a lot of beliefs to change.
Uncle Cyrus: Perhaps Charles had intended to cheat me all along.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You think?
Mr. Codswallop: Charles is clearly in league with Joseph. They are only concerned with their own grab for power.
Uncle Cyrus: They had plans for us within their New World Order.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I guess they cancelled your order. Reminds me of how Cousin Ira ran that pizza joint back home. He cancelled orders all the time. Too lazy to fill them.
Uncle Cyrus: No one cares about that lowbrow family that you possess.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Maybe not, but they seem to have been there, done that, with almost everything.
Uncle Cedric: Perhaps there is a way to turn the tables on Charles and Joseph, if Miss Elizabeth has no objections, of course.
Elizabeth: I want to marry for love and not as a chattel in some game.
Uncle Cedric: But you do require the powdered white gold formula to maintain your youth.
Ellzabeth: Perhaps some things are more important that outward appearance.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Like that car Cousin Ezra won in a poker game. It didn't look like much but it had a racing engine in her.
Uncle Cyrus: Do you really believe that anyone would have a single shred of concern about the status of your Cousin Izzy's automobile?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Ezra, not Izzy. And he won a lot of races with that car.
Uncle Cyrus: Only barbarians would waste their time watching grown men test the speed of their automobiles.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Works for me.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: Either planning the end of the world, or meeting local ladies.
Mr. Codswallop: I would bet on the end of the world option.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They certainly don't seem the romantic types.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Come Flapdoodle, let us take a stroll in the moonlight.
Elizabeth: That sounds like a wonderful idea. Will you join me Codswallop?
Uncle Cyrus: Your Ladyship, I was under the belief that you were being escorted by me.
Her Ladyship: You obviously need to change your beliefs.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That is easy to do, since we are in a church.
Uncle Cyrus: Your Ladyship, I had plans for our future together.
Her Ladyship: It would appear that you shall have to change them, I should think.
Uncle Cyrus: Has that ridiculous Flapdoodle turned your head? How could you choose that illiterate ruffian over me?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I used to be able to read.
Uncle Cedric: Now settle down Cyrus. All is fair in love and war. It is fair in almost anything else, if you ask Charles.
Uncle Cyrus: Has everyone turned on me now?
Mr. Codswallop: Charles never had your best intentions at heart. His only concern was for himself.
Uncle Cyrus: And what of Joseph? I believed him to be my friend as well.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Looks like you've got a lot of beliefs to change.
Uncle Cyrus: Perhaps Charles had intended to cheat me all along.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You think?
Mr. Codswallop: Charles is clearly in league with Joseph. They are only concerned with their own grab for power.
Uncle Cyrus: They had plans for us within their New World Order.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I guess they cancelled your order. Reminds me of how Cousin Ira ran that pizza joint back home. He cancelled orders all the time. Too lazy to fill them.
Uncle Cyrus: No one cares about that lowbrow family that you possess.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Maybe not, but they seem to have been there, done that, with almost everything.
Uncle Cedric: Perhaps there is a way to turn the tables on Charles and Joseph, if Miss Elizabeth has no objections, of course.
Elizabeth: I want to marry for love and not as a chattel in some game.
Uncle Cedric: But you do require the powdered white gold formula to maintain your youth.
Ellzabeth: Perhaps some things are more important that outward appearance.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Like that car Cousin Ezra won in a poker game. It didn't look like much but it had a racing engine in her.
Uncle Cyrus: Do you really believe that anyone would have a single shred of concern about the status of your Cousin Izzy's automobile?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Ezra, not Izzy. And he won a lot of races with that car.
Uncle Cyrus: Only barbarians would waste their time watching grown men test the speed of their automobiles.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Works for me.
Comments
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LVII
Charles Stuart: We have left those drunken fools inside the chapel. Unfortunately they have brainwashed my daughter into joining them.
Joseph: They are a disgrace to humanity.
Charles: We must devise a strategy to defeat them once and for all.
Joseph: We certainly cannot count on that blowhard Cyrus Codswallop.
Charles: You must have been driven nearly mad to have to put up with him for so many years.
Joseph: I knew that I was going my duty toward the glorious future for our Stuart family bloodline.
Charles: Yes, my brother. Only you and I know that we are siblings. Even Elizabeth is unaware that you are her uncle.
Jospeh: We have taken the long term view. Most of the planet's useless eaters consider contemplation of the weekend to come as long range planning.
Charles: The world will be better off when we succeed in exterminating at least three quarters of those vermin now living.
Joseph: A world population of approximately five hundred million is often discussed among the other Annunaki descended families.
Charles: They are truly ambitious in their improvement targets. I admire that in a family.
Joseph: With the alien Annunaki weapons of mass destruction in our possession, coupled with some top secret plagues to loose on the worthless masses, we will achieve an even greater thinning of the herd.
Charles: You have the correct goals in mind. We must wipe out the entire populations of Africa, Asia and Latin America as a beginning.
Joseph: For Europe and North America, we can do it by race and income class. That should be very easy to accomplish.
Charles: Yes, the poor are very stupid. They deserve to die.
Joseph: When we rule the planet, there will be a small population of at least marginally acceptable humans.
Charles: Even they are little better than cattle, as they do not possess our Annunaki genetic superiority.
Joseph: I am looking forward to a globally destructive war, and pestilence, and famine.
Charles: It would indeed be a thing of beauty.
Joseph: We must not forget the present business, however.
Charles: Yes, we must get Elizabeth to bear an heir from the seed of that revolting Codswallop.
Joseph: We have much work to do, and very little time in which to accomplish it. Comments
Joseph: They are a disgrace to humanity.
Charles: We must devise a strategy to defeat them once and for all.
Joseph: We certainly cannot count on that blowhard Cyrus Codswallop.
Charles: You must have been driven nearly mad to have to put up with him for so many years.
Joseph: I knew that I was going my duty toward the glorious future for our Stuart family bloodline.
Charles: Yes, my brother. Only you and I know that we are siblings. Even Elizabeth is unaware that you are her uncle.
Jospeh: We have taken the long term view. Most of the planet's useless eaters consider contemplation of the weekend to come as long range planning.
Charles: The world will be better off when we succeed in exterminating at least three quarters of those vermin now living.
Joseph: A world population of approximately five hundred million is often discussed among the other Annunaki descended families.
Charles: They are truly ambitious in their improvement targets. I admire that in a family.
Joseph: With the alien Annunaki weapons of mass destruction in our possession, coupled with some top secret plagues to loose on the worthless masses, we will achieve an even greater thinning of the herd.
Charles: You have the correct goals in mind. We must wipe out the entire populations of Africa, Asia and Latin America as a beginning.
Joseph: For Europe and North America, we can do it by race and income class. That should be very easy to accomplish.
Charles: Yes, the poor are very stupid. They deserve to die.
Joseph: When we rule the planet, there will be a small population of at least marginally acceptable humans.
Charles: Even they are little better than cattle, as they do not possess our Annunaki genetic superiority.
Joseph: I am looking forward to a globally destructive war, and pestilence, and famine.
Charles: It would indeed be a thing of beauty.
Joseph: We must not forget the present business, however.
Charles: Yes, we must get Elizabeth to bear an heir from the seed of that revolting Codswallop.
Joseph: We have much work to do, and very little time in which to accomplish it. Comments
Monday, April 12, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LVI
Charles Stuart: Where has that infernal minister gone?
Mr. Codswallop: Does anyone really care at this point?
Charles: You had best mind your manners young man.
Mr. Codswallop: You need my genetics more than I need your overinflated ego.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The Rev is over there. He looks like he is enjoying the party.
Charles: Reverend, are you ready to perform the ceremony?
Reverend: Dearly beloved...we are....ashes to ashes and dust to dust...and may God have mercy upon your soul.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That about sums it up.
Charles: Yet another delay in the plans. This is becoming intolerable.
Uncle Cyrus: Think of it this way Charles. Another day provides more time for the solidification of your plans.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Does he have bowel trouble too? I would suggest a strong laxative.
Mr. Codswallop: While I am not concerned about Charles' digestive problems, I would not be shocked to discover that he had some difficulties in that regard.
Charles: How dare you speak of me in such a crude and vulgar manner.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You need a drink Chuck. Wanna belt?
Charles: I will be outside. Come on Elizabeth. We are not being treated with the respect due our station.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You are due at the station?
Charles: Have you not got a brain in your head, Flapdoodle?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never bothered to cut into my head and look. Did you?
Elizabeth: I shall stay here with my fiance.
Mr. Codswallop: There is no need to stay on my account.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Elizabeth is a grown woman. Let her make her own choices for her future.
Charles: Her choices have already been decided for her. It is entirely out of her hands.
Elizabeth: I still prefer to stay here. The wedding can take place at a more convenient time.
Her Ladyship: You are holding up very well, Elizabeth.
Elizabeth: There is no need for scenes.
Mr. Codswallop: That is rather noble of you, I must say.
Elizabeth: Why thank you, sir.
Mr. Codswallop: You are very welcome.
Charles: Let me out of here before I am ill.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It seems Chuck can't hold his liquor either. Comments
Mr. Codswallop: Does anyone really care at this point?
Charles: You had best mind your manners young man.
Mr. Codswallop: You need my genetics more than I need your overinflated ego.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The Rev is over there. He looks like he is enjoying the party.
Charles: Reverend, are you ready to perform the ceremony?
Reverend: Dearly beloved...we are....ashes to ashes and dust to dust...and may God have mercy upon your soul.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That about sums it up.
Charles: Yet another delay in the plans. This is becoming intolerable.
Uncle Cyrus: Think of it this way Charles. Another day provides more time for the solidification of your plans.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Does he have bowel trouble too? I would suggest a strong laxative.
Mr. Codswallop: While I am not concerned about Charles' digestive problems, I would not be shocked to discover that he had some difficulties in that regard.
Charles: How dare you speak of me in such a crude and vulgar manner.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You need a drink Chuck. Wanna belt?
Charles: I will be outside. Come on Elizabeth. We are not being treated with the respect due our station.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You are due at the station?
Charles: Have you not got a brain in your head, Flapdoodle?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never bothered to cut into my head and look. Did you?
Elizabeth: I shall stay here with my fiance.
Mr. Codswallop: There is no need to stay on my account.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Elizabeth is a grown woman. Let her make her own choices for her future.
Charles: Her choices have already been decided for her. It is entirely out of her hands.
Elizabeth: I still prefer to stay here. The wedding can take place at a more convenient time.
Her Ladyship: You are holding up very well, Elizabeth.
Elizabeth: There is no need for scenes.
Mr. Codswallop: That is rather noble of you, I must say.
Elizabeth: Why thank you, sir.
Mr. Codswallop: You are very welcome.
Charles: Let me out of here before I am ill.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It seems Chuck can't hold his liquor either. Comments
Sunday, April 11, 2004
Blog tipping made easy
Mr. Codswallop: Once again that kangaroo loving individual, Darren Rowse at Blogger Idol, is asking our assistance in tips.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Is kangaroo tipping their national sport or something?
Mr. Codswallop: I believe he is asking for tips for bloggers.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'd tip, except that I am broke at the moment.
Mr. Codswallop: He is referring to advice, not gratuities.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Then why didn't you say so?
Mr. Codswallop: We are expected to provide advice to bloggers about how to improve and perhaps even promote their blogs.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, in all my porn discussion boards, I leave a link back to the blog. You'd be surprised who shows up.
Mr. Codswallop: Did you have to mention your disgusting tastes in internet websites? Would it not have been sufficient to merely discuss the value of forum posting?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I wanted people to know I get some hot ladies visiting my blog.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps you should suggest enrolling blogs into the various free blog directories.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yup, they bring in some hot ladies too.
Mr. Codswallop: Leaving comments on other blogs and contributing to the discussions held there often brings visitors to your blog.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It sure does. When I started leaving comments at Fifi's House of Kink blog, I got lots of sexy ladies dropping by.
Mr. Codswallop: Writing articles for websites and writing guest posts for other blogs often results in increased blog traffic as well.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'll say it does. When I wrote that column on the Swinging Singles Etc. blog about meeting ladies in the supermarket frozen foods section, I got...
Mr. Codswallop: ...many hot ladies visiting your blog.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No, in that case it was desperate and dateless guys begging for more ways to meet hot women.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you have any advice that does not involve your more amourous pursuits?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I offer to swap links with other blogs.
Mr. Codswallop: There, that was not so difficult. You offer a very good suggestion.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yup, at those swinger blogs, they are so used to swapping, that getting a link swap was easy.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps the average blogger can follow your concepts, but ignore your more perverted tendencies.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I wanted to get more hot sexy ladies to visit my blog. That's how to do it.
Mr. Codswallop: It frightens me to think that your recommendations might actually work.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They sure do. My e-mail and IMs are exploding with ladies contacting me. That's proof the ideas work. Always leave a link to your blog.
Mr. Codswallop: Even when you succeed, Flapdoodle, it feels like a failure to the human race.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I do good work.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: Is kangaroo tipping their national sport or something?
Mr. Codswallop: I believe he is asking for tips for bloggers.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'd tip, except that I am broke at the moment.
Mr. Codswallop: He is referring to advice, not gratuities.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Then why didn't you say so?
Mr. Codswallop: We are expected to provide advice to bloggers about how to improve and perhaps even promote their blogs.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, in all my porn discussion boards, I leave a link back to the blog. You'd be surprised who shows up.
Mr. Codswallop: Did you have to mention your disgusting tastes in internet websites? Would it not have been sufficient to merely discuss the value of forum posting?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I wanted people to know I get some hot ladies visiting my blog.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps you should suggest enrolling blogs into the various free blog directories.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yup, they bring in some hot ladies too.
Mr. Codswallop: Leaving comments on other blogs and contributing to the discussions held there often brings visitors to your blog.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It sure does. When I started leaving comments at Fifi's House of Kink blog, I got lots of sexy ladies dropping by.
Mr. Codswallop: Writing articles for websites and writing guest posts for other blogs often results in increased blog traffic as well.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'll say it does. When I wrote that column on the Swinging Singles Etc. blog about meeting ladies in the supermarket frozen foods section, I got...
Mr. Codswallop: ...many hot ladies visiting your blog.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No, in that case it was desperate and dateless guys begging for more ways to meet hot women.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you have any advice that does not involve your more amourous pursuits?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I offer to swap links with other blogs.
Mr. Codswallop: There, that was not so difficult. You offer a very good suggestion.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yup, at those swinger blogs, they are so used to swapping, that getting a link swap was easy.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps the average blogger can follow your concepts, but ignore your more perverted tendencies.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I wanted to get more hot sexy ladies to visit my blog. That's how to do it.
Mr. Codswallop: It frightens me to think that your recommendations might actually work.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They sure do. My e-mail and IMs are exploding with ladies contacting me. That's proof the ideas work. Always leave a link to your blog.
Mr. Codswallop: Even when you succeed, Flapdoodle, it feels like a failure to the human race.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I do good work.
Comments
Saturday, April 10, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LV
Charles Stuart: Is no one here even going to attempt a wedding ceremony?
Reverend: I believe that we shall have to reschedule the event for another day.
Mr. Codswallop: No need to hurry on my account. I am extremely flexible.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You tell that to all of the ladies, I'm sure.
Charles: Does anything even remotely approaching a sensible statement ever leave your mouth?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Not if I can help it.
Charles: I thought as much. You are an even greater fool than I had previously thought.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I'm not the one who has to pay for two, and going on three weddings.
Charles: One of my first acts, when I have achieved my rightful position of power, will be to have you executed.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And if I know you, it will take you way more than one try, too.
Elizabeth: Perhaps there is a compromise, where Codswallop and I would be able to wed with far less difficulty.
Mr. Codswallop: I seem to prefer difficulty. It prevents hasty acts.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Being hasty never stopped Chuck.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Flapdoodle, perhaps we could share another drink together.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Here's to you, Manor Lady.
Uncle Cyrus: Your Ladyship, why are you wasting your time with this lowbrow imbecile.
Her Ladyship: Well, he does have a number of charms.
Uncle Cyrus: I sincerely doubt that he has any good qualities at all.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I haven't sold any family members lately. Not like Chuck and Cy.
Uncle Cyrus: Charles was correct in one assessment. Flapdoodle must be eliminated for the good of humanity.
Mr. Flapdoodle: As if you were of benefit to anyone, yourself.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cyrus simply is jealous of Her Ladyship's interest in you, Flapdoodle.
Uncle Cyrus: Silence.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Do you have a hearing problem too, Cy? Uncle Hiram had one ever since he fell off the roof of the Mason Temple.
Uncle Cyrus: How dare you compare me to one of your despicable relations.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yep, Uncle Hiram was drunk and fell right off the roof. his hearing went right afterwards.
Uncle Cyrus: I can hear just fine, thank you.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's what Uncle Hiram kept saying too, even though he always yelled when he talked.
Her Ladyship: That certainly sounds like Cyrus, alright.
Comments
Reverend: I believe that we shall have to reschedule the event for another day.
Mr. Codswallop: No need to hurry on my account. I am extremely flexible.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You tell that to all of the ladies, I'm sure.
Charles: Does anything even remotely approaching a sensible statement ever leave your mouth?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Not if I can help it.
Charles: I thought as much. You are an even greater fool than I had previously thought.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I'm not the one who has to pay for two, and going on three weddings.
Charles: One of my first acts, when I have achieved my rightful position of power, will be to have you executed.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And if I know you, it will take you way more than one try, too.
Elizabeth: Perhaps there is a compromise, where Codswallop and I would be able to wed with far less difficulty.
Mr. Codswallop: I seem to prefer difficulty. It prevents hasty acts.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Being hasty never stopped Chuck.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Flapdoodle, perhaps we could share another drink together.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Here's to you, Manor Lady.
Uncle Cyrus: Your Ladyship, why are you wasting your time with this lowbrow imbecile.
Her Ladyship: Well, he does have a number of charms.
Uncle Cyrus: I sincerely doubt that he has any good qualities at all.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I haven't sold any family members lately. Not like Chuck and Cy.
Uncle Cyrus: Charles was correct in one assessment. Flapdoodle must be eliminated for the good of humanity.
Mr. Flapdoodle: As if you were of benefit to anyone, yourself.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cyrus simply is jealous of Her Ladyship's interest in you, Flapdoodle.
Uncle Cyrus: Silence.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Do you have a hearing problem too, Cy? Uncle Hiram had one ever since he fell off the roof of the Mason Temple.
Uncle Cyrus: How dare you compare me to one of your despicable relations.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yep, Uncle Hiram was drunk and fell right off the roof. his hearing went right afterwards.
Uncle Cyrus: I can hear just fine, thank you.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's what Uncle Hiram kept saying too, even though he always yelled when he talked.
Her Ladyship: That certainly sounds like Cyrus, alright.
Comments
Friday, April 09, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LIV
Charles Stuart: What is all that commotion outside?
Mr. Flapdoodle: This is Scotland. Probably bagpipes.
Charles: Are you a complete dunderhead? Of course, that is not the skirl of the bagpipes.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They have curled bagpipes here?
Charles: Joseph, do see what is going on outside. This is getting more outrageous by the moment.
Joseph: Whomever it is, I will rid us of them and theur interference.
Charles: Oh no, he is entering the chapel.
Uncle Cedric: There you are my boy. I see you have already begun the wedding celebrations.
Mr. Codswallop: No one is married as of yet.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey Cedric. Wanna drink? It's almost good quality.
Uncle Cyrus: What brings you to this occasion, Cedric? I thought youhad work to complete.
Uncle Cedric: Ah, there is nothing to concern yourself about, Cyrus.
Charles: You had better have that powdered white gold formula in your possession.
Uncle Cedric: My my, Charles: We certainly are pushy are we not?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Chuck is always like that. Ignore him. Especially when he demand silence every two minutes.
Charles: Flapdoodle, I am warning you to watch your tongue, or there will be a steep price to pay.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Someone wants to sell my tongue?
Uncle Cedric: Charles, you worry far too much to be healthy.
Uncle Cyrus: We had an agreement that Charles appears committed to reneging upon at the earliest possible convenience.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Chuck's word isn't worth the paper it's written on.
Elizabeth: That is my father of whom you speak.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Of course, Flapdoodle's analysis of your father's character is highly accurate.
Elizabeth: That is simply father's way of negotiation.
Uncle Cyrus: Negotiation or lying. I am still trying to decide which is the case.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I vote he's lying.
Mr. Codswallop: I would exercise my franchise in the same manner as Flapdoodle.
Uncle Cyrus: Well, Charles. It appears that very few people here, place much value in your word of honour as a gentleman.
Charles: You will all pay dearly for your treachery.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You are selling something again?
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps he is opening a shop.
Charles: I demand the formula for powdered white gold and the alien Annunaki weapons of mass destruction. I demand their immediate delivery into my hands.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Are Chuck's hands really that big?
Her ladyship: His hands appear to be rather small, if you ask me.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: This is Scotland. Probably bagpipes.
Charles: Are you a complete dunderhead? Of course, that is not the skirl of the bagpipes.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They have curled bagpipes here?
Charles: Joseph, do see what is going on outside. This is getting more outrageous by the moment.
Joseph: Whomever it is, I will rid us of them and theur interference.
Charles: Oh no, he is entering the chapel.
Uncle Cedric: There you are my boy. I see you have already begun the wedding celebrations.
Mr. Codswallop: No one is married as of yet.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey Cedric. Wanna drink? It's almost good quality.
Uncle Cyrus: What brings you to this occasion, Cedric? I thought youhad work to complete.
Uncle Cedric: Ah, there is nothing to concern yourself about, Cyrus.
Charles: You had better have that powdered white gold formula in your possession.
Uncle Cedric: My my, Charles: We certainly are pushy are we not?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Chuck is always like that. Ignore him. Especially when he demand silence every two minutes.
Charles: Flapdoodle, I am warning you to watch your tongue, or there will be a steep price to pay.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Someone wants to sell my tongue?
Uncle Cedric: Charles, you worry far too much to be healthy.
Uncle Cyrus: We had an agreement that Charles appears committed to reneging upon at the earliest possible convenience.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Chuck's word isn't worth the paper it's written on.
Elizabeth: That is my father of whom you speak.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Of course, Flapdoodle's analysis of your father's character is highly accurate.
Elizabeth: That is simply father's way of negotiation.
Uncle Cyrus: Negotiation or lying. I am still trying to decide which is the case.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I vote he's lying.
Mr. Codswallop: I would exercise my franchise in the same manner as Flapdoodle.
Uncle Cyrus: Well, Charles. It appears that very few people here, place much value in your word of honour as a gentleman.
Charles: You will all pay dearly for your treachery.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You are selling something again?
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps he is opening a shop.
Charles: I demand the formula for powdered white gold and the alien Annunaki weapons of mass destruction. I demand their immediate delivery into my hands.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Are Chuck's hands really that big?
Her ladyship: His hands appear to be rather small, if you ask me.
Comments
Thursday, April 08, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LIII
Mr. Flapdoodle: It looks like the Rev is back. He is bringing goodies too.
Reverend: I have some clean glasses, for those who prefer to use them.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Drinking straight from the flask has been fine so far.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps the ladies would prefer the decorum of some glassware.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Pour for the ladies, Rev.
Charles Stuart: This entire occasion has degraded into a fiasco of the worst order.
Mr. Flapdoodle: What is your order, Chuck? Whisky? I got sorta good stuff.
Charles: I object to everything you offer Flapdoodle.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You don't have to be so picky. I was just offering.
Mr. Codswallop: Good manners appear to have been bred out of Charles long ago.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Or caned out of him at that swanky private school he keeps showing off.
Charles: I attended public school at Eton.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey, I went to public school too.
Charles: I am quite certain that no public school headmaster would ever allow your admittance.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They sure did. Old Sourpuss let us all in. He didn't like it, but every Flapdoodle was there. Until they were expelled or quit, of course.
Mr. Codswallop: There appears to be a bit of a misunderstanding between the British and the North America educational systems.
Charles: That is certainly true. No colonial education is even remotely comparable to that of a British public school.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm sure glad of that.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I attended a school for young ladies.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Did you wear one of those school uniforms?
Her Ladyship: I did indeed. Headmistress insisted upon stract adherence to the prescribed code of dress.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I hear ya. Old Sourpuss wouldn't let us wear baseball caps in class. He demanded that we wear shoes too.
Charles: How utterly delightful.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey Rev, Her Ladyship could use a refill of that sherry of yours.
Charles: I shall have all of the guilty parties arrested over this ridiculous charade.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Chuck wants to play charades. Let's choose partners. I'm no good at guessing but it's funny when you're drunk.
Joseph: Charles, all of the arrangements are made with the authorities.
Uncle Cyrus: What arrangements would those be?
Charles: I said there would be retribution. It shall occur with vigour.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I didn't know you needed to take those pills, Chuck. No wonder you are so grouchy.
Comments
Reverend: I have some clean glasses, for those who prefer to use them.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Drinking straight from the flask has been fine so far.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps the ladies would prefer the decorum of some glassware.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Pour for the ladies, Rev.
Charles Stuart: This entire occasion has degraded into a fiasco of the worst order.
Mr. Flapdoodle: What is your order, Chuck? Whisky? I got sorta good stuff.
Charles: I object to everything you offer Flapdoodle.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You don't have to be so picky. I was just offering.
Mr. Codswallop: Good manners appear to have been bred out of Charles long ago.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Or caned out of him at that swanky private school he keeps showing off.
Charles: I attended public school at Eton.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey, I went to public school too.
Charles: I am quite certain that no public school headmaster would ever allow your admittance.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They sure did. Old Sourpuss let us all in. He didn't like it, but every Flapdoodle was there. Until they were expelled or quit, of course.
Mr. Codswallop: There appears to be a bit of a misunderstanding between the British and the North America educational systems.
Charles: That is certainly true. No colonial education is even remotely comparable to that of a British public school.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm sure glad of that.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I attended a school for young ladies.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Did you wear one of those school uniforms?
Her Ladyship: I did indeed. Headmistress insisted upon stract adherence to the prescribed code of dress.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I hear ya. Old Sourpuss wouldn't let us wear baseball caps in class. He demanded that we wear shoes too.
Charles: How utterly delightful.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey Rev, Her Ladyship could use a refill of that sherry of yours.
Charles: I shall have all of the guilty parties arrested over this ridiculous charade.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Chuck wants to play charades. Let's choose partners. I'm no good at guessing but it's funny when you're drunk.
Joseph: Charles, all of the arrangements are made with the authorities.
Uncle Cyrus: What arrangements would those be?
Charles: I said there would be retribution. It shall occur with vigour.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I didn't know you needed to take those pills, Chuck. No wonder you are so grouchy.
Comments
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LII
Charles Stuart: This entire event is disintegrating before our very eyes. You will pay for this.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No one told me there was a cover charge.
Mr. Codswallop: He is referring to some form of retribution.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Whatever he is talking about, he needs to lighten up.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Come on Charles. It is not every day that your daughter is married. Enjoy it just a wee bit.
Charles: Have you turned on me as well? You will rue the day that you dared to defy me.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Chuck, have you ever considered your blood pressure?
Mr. Codswallop: He only considers the bloodline.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He needs to chill out a bit. have a belt Chuck.
Elizabeth: Father, this is only a short lull in the proceedings. Things will continue as planned.
Charles: I see only grief with these ruffians. Joseph, come here.
Joseph: I see you are having some difficulties here, Charles.
Charles: I want these Codswallops and Flapdoodle shown their proper place in the grand scheme of the world.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You have a place for us? Where is it?
Uncle Cyrus: Have you discarded our agreement already, Charles?
Charles: Your family is worthless.
Mr. Codswallop: Then why did you want me as your son in law?
Uncle Cyrus: He wants to get his greedy clutches into Cedric's discovery of alien weapons of mass destruction.
Charles: Silence or you too will pay.
Uncle Cyrus: The weapons were buried in ancient Sumeria, now called Iraq, thousands of years ago.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They sound rusty. I once dug up an old tin can, that was supposed to have a few bucks in it, but it was all rusted out.
Uncle Cyrus: Of course, my nephew has the true dynastic bloodline, tracing back to the Annunaki themselves.
Charles: You have been well paid for what you are providing as per our agreement.
Uncle Cyrus: You have not paid me anything as of yet.
Elizabeth: Is that true, father? Have you not paid Cyrus and Cedric for their contributions?
Uncle Cyrus: Charles also wants the formula for powdered white gold. That formula was perfected by my brother Cyril.
Elizabeth: Father, we need that formula.
Charles: Silence! All of you are in league against me.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Is someone starting a league? Let's all drink to that! Then let's play. Whatever the game is.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: No one told me there was a cover charge.
Mr. Codswallop: He is referring to some form of retribution.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Whatever he is talking about, he needs to lighten up.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Come on Charles. It is not every day that your daughter is married. Enjoy it just a wee bit.
Charles: Have you turned on me as well? You will rue the day that you dared to defy me.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Chuck, have you ever considered your blood pressure?
Mr. Codswallop: He only considers the bloodline.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He needs to chill out a bit. have a belt Chuck.
Elizabeth: Father, this is only a short lull in the proceedings. Things will continue as planned.
Charles: I see only grief with these ruffians. Joseph, come here.
Joseph: I see you are having some difficulties here, Charles.
Charles: I want these Codswallops and Flapdoodle shown their proper place in the grand scheme of the world.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You have a place for us? Where is it?
Uncle Cyrus: Have you discarded our agreement already, Charles?
Charles: Your family is worthless.
Mr. Codswallop: Then why did you want me as your son in law?
Uncle Cyrus: He wants to get his greedy clutches into Cedric's discovery of alien weapons of mass destruction.
Charles: Silence or you too will pay.
Uncle Cyrus: The weapons were buried in ancient Sumeria, now called Iraq, thousands of years ago.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They sound rusty. I once dug up an old tin can, that was supposed to have a few bucks in it, but it was all rusted out.
Uncle Cyrus: Of course, my nephew has the true dynastic bloodline, tracing back to the Annunaki themselves.
Charles: You have been well paid for what you are providing as per our agreement.
Uncle Cyrus: You have not paid me anything as of yet.
Elizabeth: Is that true, father? Have you not paid Cyrus and Cedric for their contributions?
Uncle Cyrus: Charles also wants the formula for powdered white gold. That formula was perfected by my brother Cyril.
Elizabeth: Father, we need that formula.
Charles: Silence! All of you are in league against me.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Is someone starting a league? Let's all drink to that! Then let's play. Whatever the game is.
Comments
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LI
Charles Stuart: It is about time this ceremony got under way.
Mr. Codswallop: Speak for yourself.
Reverend: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of God and of this company...
Mr. Flapdoodle: What company? Is this a business? The CIA?
Charles: Silence!
Mr. Flapdoodle: I was just asking.
Reverend: ...to wed this man and this woman in holy matimony.
Charles: So far so good.
Reverend: Let us begin by offering a prayer to the Almighty Father.
Charles: How about you keep the service moving at a more rapid pace. There should be more marrying and less praying.
Mr. Codswallop: I am all in favour of prayers. The longer the better, in my opinion.
Charles: No one has ever asked your opinion on any matter under discussion here.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's not true. I remember asking Codswallop about his prayer the other day...
Charles: I certainly do not want to hear any of your feeble minded thoughts.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I have my flask here Chuck, Rev, wanna belt?
Charles: That is absolutely the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.
Mr. Codswallop: No one offered me what Flapdoodle refers to as a belt.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You have your own flask in your jacket pocket. You don't need to ask for mine too.
Mr. Codswallop: That is right. I almost forgot about it entirely. Elizabeth, would you care to join me an a toast?
Mr. Flapdoodle: How about you Manor Lady? It's the almost good stuff.
Her Ladyship: I believe that might be a good idea. Pass me the beverage, Flapdoodle.
Elizabeth: You may as well give me your flask too Codswallop. This may prove to be a most entertaining afternoon.
Charles: This is the most outrageous thing I have ever witnessed. Elizabeth, you will not drink at this time.
Elizabeth: Well, father, I already have. Codswallop, that is very fine Scotch.
Mr. Codswallop: I selected it myself to act as a fortification against certain individuals.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He means Chuck, Cy, and Joe. Don't say anything.
Charles: How dare you speak of me as if I were not here.
Mr. Codswallop: As a matter of fact, why are you here? Should you not be seated in a pew?
Charles: I must ensure that this event takes place with all proper dignity.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I guess that idea is long gone. Sure you don't want a swallow?
Charles: I steadfastly refuse to drink any of your cheap grog.
Her Ladyship: It is not really bad quality at all.
Charles: No one asked your opinion. You are to be silent.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That is no way to speak to a lady, especially one who works hard piling manure from her livestock.
Charles: What are you talking about?
Mr. Flapdoodle: You should always speak to a lady with respect.
Charles: Reverend, are you going to begin the service and end this absolute foolishness?
Reverend: As a matter of fact, I do have some ceremonial sherry in my office. I shall only be a moment. Perhaps I could return with some glasses?
Charles: Reverend, your fee is now forfeit.
Reverend: I am not surprised. After some reflection, I doubted your sincerity in ever paying it anyway.
Elizabeth: What is the Reverend speaking of father?
Charles: The Reverend attempted to extort money from me.
Reverend: I did nothing of the sort. Charles offered a bribe.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Why doesn't that surprise me. Want another drink, Your Ladyship?
Her Ladyship: I believe I will, sir. Comments
Mr. Codswallop: Speak for yourself.
Reverend: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of God and of this company...
Mr. Flapdoodle: What company? Is this a business? The CIA?
Charles: Silence!
Mr. Flapdoodle: I was just asking.
Reverend: ...to wed this man and this woman in holy matimony.
Charles: So far so good.
Reverend: Let us begin by offering a prayer to the Almighty Father.
Charles: How about you keep the service moving at a more rapid pace. There should be more marrying and less praying.
Mr. Codswallop: I am all in favour of prayers. The longer the better, in my opinion.
Charles: No one has ever asked your opinion on any matter under discussion here.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's not true. I remember asking Codswallop about his prayer the other day...
Charles: I certainly do not want to hear any of your feeble minded thoughts.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I have my flask here Chuck, Rev, wanna belt?
Charles: That is absolutely the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.
Mr. Codswallop: No one offered me what Flapdoodle refers to as a belt.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You have your own flask in your jacket pocket. You don't need to ask for mine too.
Mr. Codswallop: That is right. I almost forgot about it entirely. Elizabeth, would you care to join me an a toast?
Mr. Flapdoodle: How about you Manor Lady? It's the almost good stuff.
Her Ladyship: I believe that might be a good idea. Pass me the beverage, Flapdoodle.
Elizabeth: You may as well give me your flask too Codswallop. This may prove to be a most entertaining afternoon.
Charles: This is the most outrageous thing I have ever witnessed. Elizabeth, you will not drink at this time.
Elizabeth: Well, father, I already have. Codswallop, that is very fine Scotch.
Mr. Codswallop: I selected it myself to act as a fortification against certain individuals.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He means Chuck, Cy, and Joe. Don't say anything.
Charles: How dare you speak of me as if I were not here.
Mr. Codswallop: As a matter of fact, why are you here? Should you not be seated in a pew?
Charles: I must ensure that this event takes place with all proper dignity.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I guess that idea is long gone. Sure you don't want a swallow?
Charles: I steadfastly refuse to drink any of your cheap grog.
Her Ladyship: It is not really bad quality at all.
Charles: No one asked your opinion. You are to be silent.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That is no way to speak to a lady, especially one who works hard piling manure from her livestock.
Charles: What are you talking about?
Mr. Flapdoodle: You should always speak to a lady with respect.
Charles: Reverend, are you going to begin the service and end this absolute foolishness?
Reverend: As a matter of fact, I do have some ceremonial sherry in my office. I shall only be a moment. Perhaps I could return with some glasses?
Charles: Reverend, your fee is now forfeit.
Reverend: I am not surprised. After some reflection, I doubted your sincerity in ever paying it anyway.
Elizabeth: What is the Reverend speaking of father?
Charles: The Reverend attempted to extort money from me.
Reverend: I did nothing of the sort. Charles offered a bribe.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Why doesn't that surprise me. Want another drink, Your Ladyship?
Her Ladyship: I believe I will, sir. Comments
Monday, April 05, 2004
The birds lose their feathers
Mr. Codswallop: That Southern Hemispheric fellow Darren Rowse of Blogger Idol appears to have taken a rather feathery approach this week.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He is making pillows? I heard he was starting a new business.
Mr. Codswallop: No. His topic for the week's Blogger Idol is "birds of a feather".
Mr. Flapdoodle: I saw that show once. The ladies were nude, except for the feathers.
Mr. Codswallop: I do not believe your rather purient thoughts are pertinent to the discussion.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The feathers on those birds sure were. They were very strategically placed, if you get my drift.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe that the discussion was to centre around birds.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yep, they were sure some hot looking birds alright.
Mr. Codswallop: If you would listen a trifle more attentively, you would understand that birds under consideration are of the flying variety.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oh, I get you now. You are talking about flight attendants. I really like those ladies. Did I ever tell you about my flight to...
Mr. Codswallop: I am not interested in your tales, and I am positive that no one else is either.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We were in the air over what I'll call a major American city.
Mr. Codswallop: Does a coverup of the metropolis's identity have any bearing on the story?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well no, but were in the air a mile high, if you know what I mean.
Mr. Codswallop: Have you no dignity at all? That sort of behaviour is so juvenile.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And fun too.
Mr. Codswallop: Our readers would get more benefit from out chat, if we discussed bird droppings, rather than bird feathers.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, the birds did drop their carefully placed feathers later in the show. It was very revealing, I must say.
Mr. Codswallop: Does everything in life lead you to think about some lurid sexual deviation.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Mostly.
Mr. Codswallop: Mostly? Do you mean to say that you do not think of sex one hundred percent of your waking moments?
Mr. Flapdoodle: No. Sometimes I think about partying.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you ever consider concentrating on work instead.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No. Why would anyone want to do that? Unless there were beautiful women at work. Then I would think about work.
Mr. Codswallop: When were you going to discuss birds, as prescribed in the Blogger Idol outline?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I have been thinking about the lovely birds the entire time. Where were you?
Mr. Codswallop: Thinking seriously about flying the coop.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Is that a new position?
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: He is making pillows? I heard he was starting a new business.
Mr. Codswallop: No. His topic for the week's Blogger Idol is "birds of a feather".
Mr. Flapdoodle: I saw that show once. The ladies were nude, except for the feathers.
Mr. Codswallop: I do not believe your rather purient thoughts are pertinent to the discussion.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The feathers on those birds sure were. They were very strategically placed, if you get my drift.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe that the discussion was to centre around birds.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yep, they were sure some hot looking birds alright.
Mr. Codswallop: If you would listen a trifle more attentively, you would understand that birds under consideration are of the flying variety.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oh, I get you now. You are talking about flight attendants. I really like those ladies. Did I ever tell you about my flight to...
Mr. Codswallop: I am not interested in your tales, and I am positive that no one else is either.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We were in the air over what I'll call a major American city.
Mr. Codswallop: Does a coverup of the metropolis's identity have any bearing on the story?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well no, but were in the air a mile high, if you know what I mean.
Mr. Codswallop: Have you no dignity at all? That sort of behaviour is so juvenile.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And fun too.
Mr. Codswallop: Our readers would get more benefit from out chat, if we discussed bird droppings, rather than bird feathers.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, the birds did drop their carefully placed feathers later in the show. It was very revealing, I must say.
Mr. Codswallop: Does everything in life lead you to think about some lurid sexual deviation.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Mostly.
Mr. Codswallop: Mostly? Do you mean to say that you do not think of sex one hundred percent of your waking moments?
Mr. Flapdoodle: No. Sometimes I think about partying.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you ever consider concentrating on work instead.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No. Why would anyone want to do that? Unless there were beautiful women at work. Then I would think about work.
Mr. Codswallop: When were you going to discuss birds, as prescribed in the Blogger Idol outline?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I have been thinking about the lovely birds the entire time. Where were you?
Mr. Codswallop: Thinking seriously about flying the coop.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Is that a new position?
Comments
Sunday, April 04, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel L
Charles Stuart: Are you ready to start your journey down the aisle my dear?
Elizabeth: Yes, father. Let us begin.
Charles: The first steps toward our glorious future.
Elizabeth: And I shall be married.
Charles: Do not worry my dear. We can get the marriage annulled at any time.
Elizabeth: We shall think of those things another day. After all, this is my wedding day.
Charles: The music is starting. Let us begin our walk.
Elizabeth: You are stepping on my dress.
Charles: Can those follish girls not hold up the train? Must I constantly be surrounded by incompetence.
Elizabeth: The flower girl looks very pretty.
Charles: She is from Joseph's family.
Elizabeth: There is no ring bearer this time.
Charles: They let that ridiculous Flapdoodle keep the ring> He has also usurped Joseph's rightful place as best man.
Elizabeth: Her Ladyship seemed to enjoy that development.
Charles: What are you talking about?
Elizabeth: Oh, nothing that would concern you. We are almost to the alter. Do try to smile.
Charles: How can one smile with that pathetic Codswallop as the groom, despite his lineage?
Elizabeth: He does have his charms, you know.
Charles: They appear to be very well hidden from public view.
Elizabeth: You should look more closely.
Charles: I have absolutely no intention of getting anywhere near him, or his imbecilic friend Flapdoodle either.
Elizabeth: Shhh. We are there.
Charles: Make this fast Reverend. You know the value of a smoothly run ceremony, I trust. I will brook no foolishness on your part.
Reverend (whispering): My Lord, we are about to begin.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He's already praying. This is going to be a long one.
Charles: Silence!
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey Chuck! Get back to your chair, or bench, or whatever it's called.
Mr. Codswallop: It is usually referred to as a pew.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They smell too? Now I know why I avoid churches.
Reverend (loudly): Dearly beloved... Comments
Elizabeth: Yes, father. Let us begin.
Charles: The first steps toward our glorious future.
Elizabeth: And I shall be married.
Charles: Do not worry my dear. We can get the marriage annulled at any time.
Elizabeth: We shall think of those things another day. After all, this is my wedding day.
Charles: The music is starting. Let us begin our walk.
Elizabeth: You are stepping on my dress.
Charles: Can those follish girls not hold up the train? Must I constantly be surrounded by incompetence.
Elizabeth: The flower girl looks very pretty.
Charles: She is from Joseph's family.
Elizabeth: There is no ring bearer this time.
Charles: They let that ridiculous Flapdoodle keep the ring> He has also usurped Joseph's rightful place as best man.
Elizabeth: Her Ladyship seemed to enjoy that development.
Charles: What are you talking about?
Elizabeth: Oh, nothing that would concern you. We are almost to the alter. Do try to smile.
Charles: How can one smile with that pathetic Codswallop as the groom, despite his lineage?
Elizabeth: He does have his charms, you know.
Charles: They appear to be very well hidden from public view.
Elizabeth: You should look more closely.
Charles: I have absolutely no intention of getting anywhere near him, or his imbecilic friend Flapdoodle either.
Elizabeth: Shhh. We are there.
Charles: Make this fast Reverend. You know the value of a smoothly run ceremony, I trust. I will brook no foolishness on your part.
Reverend (whispering): My Lord, we are about to begin.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He's already praying. This is going to be a long one.
Charles: Silence!
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey Chuck! Get back to your chair, or bench, or whatever it's called.
Mr. Codswallop: It is usually referred to as a pew.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They smell too? Now I know why I avoid churches.
Reverend (loudly): Dearly beloved... Comments
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XLIX
Reverend: Is your friend going to be long? The service must begin on time.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He is in the bathroom. He has the runs. You know how when your nerves...
Reverend: I get the picture.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You know, my Cousin Ira used to get the runs all the time. You mentioned the police, and well...
Reverend: I really do not want to know about your family's digestive systems.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Usually a couple of good belts from Mr. McGillicutty's home brew would cure anything that ails you.
Reverend: I shall try to forget that remedy as soon as possible.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Here's Codswallop now!
Mr. Codswallop: Sorry for the delay. I was otherwise engaged.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I thought you just went to the bathroom. You got engaged again?
Mr. Codswallop: Have you got the ring?
Mr. Flapdoodle: What ring?
Mr. Codswallop: The wedding ring that I entrusted to your care. It is very ancient and may have been struck by the alien Anunnaki themselves.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oh, that ring. I gave it to some sweet young thing outside the church. We are meeting after the wedding to celebrate.
Mr. Codswallop: How dare you give that ring away.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Keep your pants on. I've got it. I was only fooling.
Mr. Codswallop: I am off to the lavatory again. That near loss of the ring almost gave me a heart attack.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hurry back. I think Chuck and Cyrus will be looking for you.
Reverend: Has he gone to the loo once more?
Mr. Flapdoodle: He has a girl named Lou too? Wow. He is more popular with the ladies than I thought.
Uncle Cyrus: Where is that nephew of mine.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He is busy...
Reverend: He was momentarily detained.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And he had to go to the bathroom too.
Uncle Cyrus: This wedding is taking far too long to be started, let alone completed.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Don't worry Cy. I have the ring. I think.
Uncle Cyrus: If you have lost that ring, you will pay dearly.
Reverend: He has the ring in his possession. He seems to enjoy tormenting people about where it is located at present.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You sure are a spoil sport. I'll bet you were a tattle tale in school too, right Rev?
Reverend: Here comes the groom again. Perhaps we can begin very shortly.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Ah, there is Her Ladyship of Manor Pyle.
Her Ladyship: Hello, Flapdoodle. You do look look handsome today.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You look great yourself. Have you done something new with your hair?
Her Ladyship: Yes, I have. Do you like it?
Uncle Cyrus: That is enough out of you two. Silence.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He is big on silence. I think he has ear trouble like my Uncle Hiram.
Reverend: Let us begin.
Mr. Codswallop: Let us not.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: He is in the bathroom. He has the runs. You know how when your nerves...
Reverend: I get the picture.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You know, my Cousin Ira used to get the runs all the time. You mentioned the police, and well...
Reverend: I really do not want to know about your family's digestive systems.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Usually a couple of good belts from Mr. McGillicutty's home brew would cure anything that ails you.
Reverend: I shall try to forget that remedy as soon as possible.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Here's Codswallop now!
Mr. Codswallop: Sorry for the delay. I was otherwise engaged.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I thought you just went to the bathroom. You got engaged again?
Mr. Codswallop: Have you got the ring?
Mr. Flapdoodle: What ring?
Mr. Codswallop: The wedding ring that I entrusted to your care. It is very ancient and may have been struck by the alien Anunnaki themselves.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oh, that ring. I gave it to some sweet young thing outside the church. We are meeting after the wedding to celebrate.
Mr. Codswallop: How dare you give that ring away.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Keep your pants on. I've got it. I was only fooling.
Mr. Codswallop: I am off to the lavatory again. That near loss of the ring almost gave me a heart attack.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hurry back. I think Chuck and Cyrus will be looking for you.
Reverend: Has he gone to the loo once more?
Mr. Flapdoodle: He has a girl named Lou too? Wow. He is more popular with the ladies than I thought.
Uncle Cyrus: Where is that nephew of mine.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He is busy...
Reverend: He was momentarily detained.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And he had to go to the bathroom too.
Uncle Cyrus: This wedding is taking far too long to be started, let alone completed.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Don't worry Cy. I have the ring. I think.
Uncle Cyrus: If you have lost that ring, you will pay dearly.
Reverend: He has the ring in his possession. He seems to enjoy tormenting people about where it is located at present.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You sure are a spoil sport. I'll bet you were a tattle tale in school too, right Rev?
Reverend: Here comes the groom again. Perhaps we can begin very shortly.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Ah, there is Her Ladyship of Manor Pyle.
Her Ladyship: Hello, Flapdoodle. You do look look handsome today.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You look great yourself. Have you done something new with your hair?
Her Ladyship: Yes, I have. Do you like it?
Uncle Cyrus: That is enough out of you two. Silence.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He is big on silence. I think he has ear trouble like my Uncle Hiram.
Reverend: Let us begin.
Mr. Codswallop: Let us not.
Comments
Friday, April 02, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XLVIII
Charles Stuart: Are you prepared for the ceremony, my dear.
Elizabeth Stuart: Yes Father. I am ready.
Charles: You will not have to remain married to that imbecilic Codswallop for long. All you have to do is bear an heir.
Elizabeth: We'll worry about that later.
Charles: Yes, my dear. We have more important and pressing matters.
Elizabeth: Do you like my dress.
Charles: Yes, I suppose for the price of it.
Elizabeth: Perhaps you should concern yourself less with price and more with what is valuable.
Charles: Yes. Yes. Of course. Is Her Ladyship ready to serve as your Maid of Honour?
Elizabeth: Yes, she has kindly given her consent.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Thank you for that privilege and honour Elizabeth.
Charles: The only blemish on the entire affair, is that oafish Flapdoodle, serving in the capacity of best man.
Her Ladyship: Oh. Really?
Charles: I can have him removed from the premises, and arrested if you prefer.
Her Ladyship: I have no real objections.
Elizabeth: Perhaps it will help the ceremony go more smoothly.
Charles: Whatever you wish, my dear.
Her Ladyship: Is Flapdoodle dressed in formal wear?
Charles: Yes, surprisingly.
Her Ladyship: Hmmm. This could be interesting.
Charles: Well ladies, are you ready to take your places.
Her Ladyship: Good luck Elizabeth.
Elizabeth: You too.
Charles: Come on. We do not have all day. Comments
Elizabeth Stuart: Yes Father. I am ready.
Charles: You will not have to remain married to that imbecilic Codswallop for long. All you have to do is bear an heir.
Elizabeth: We'll worry about that later.
Charles: Yes, my dear. We have more important and pressing matters.
Elizabeth: Do you like my dress.
Charles: Yes, I suppose for the price of it.
Elizabeth: Perhaps you should concern yourself less with price and more with what is valuable.
Charles: Yes. Yes. Of course. Is Her Ladyship ready to serve as your Maid of Honour?
Elizabeth: Yes, she has kindly given her consent.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Thank you for that privilege and honour Elizabeth.
Charles: The only blemish on the entire affair, is that oafish Flapdoodle, serving in the capacity of best man.
Her Ladyship: Oh. Really?
Charles: I can have him removed from the premises, and arrested if you prefer.
Her Ladyship: I have no real objections.
Elizabeth: Perhaps it will help the ceremony go more smoothly.
Charles: Whatever you wish, my dear.
Her Ladyship: Is Flapdoodle dressed in formal wear?
Charles: Yes, surprisingly.
Her Ladyship: Hmmm. This could be interesting.
Charles: Well ladies, are you ready to take your places.
Her Ladyship: Good luck Elizabeth.
Elizabeth: You too.
Charles: Come on. We do not have all day. Comments
Thursday, April 01, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XLVII
Charles Stuart: Where are those two idiots anyway?
Uncle Cyrus: Well, they were right here with me.
Charles: They appear to have vanished. I had assigned you to look after them.
Uncle Cyrus: They will be here soon. We cannot begin without the groom and the best man.
Charles: Your nephew may not be here, but Joseph is here already. He is the best man.
Uncle Cyrus: I have agreed with my nephew that his friend may serve in that capacity.
Charles: I forbid it. Your nephew will have Joseph stand with him.
Uncle Cyrus: I have given the lads my word of honour. I shall not back down on it now.
Charles: If that disgrace to humanity Flapdoodle serves as the best man at this ceremony, you will pay.
Uncle Cyrus: Very well then. I will endure the consequences.
Charles: The very act of defiance will result in a forfeiture of your commissions and agreed upon fees.
Uncle Cyrus: You have no right to do that to me.
Charles: Guess again. I am in charge here. I will be in charge of everything on earth following the wedding. You can be executed on my command.
Uncle Cyrus: Then I have little to lose. I stand by my decision. Flapdoodle shall be the best man at my nephew's wedding.
Charles: Ah. There are the two laggards now. Cyrus, you failed to keep an eye on them. Your entire clan lacks even the most basic level of competence.
Mr. Codswallop: Is the ceremony over? Did someone else marry Elizabeth on my behalf?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, it wasn't me.
Charles: I must go and get my daughter. Her dressing is taking forever to complete.
Mr. Codswallop: Let her know that there is no need to rush on my account.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Want a drink Cyrus?
Uncle Cyrus: I believe I will take you up on your offer young man.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Chuck can do that to you, can't he?
Uncle Cyrus: Indeed he can. Comments
Uncle Cyrus: Well, they were right here with me.
Charles: They appear to have vanished. I had assigned you to look after them.
Uncle Cyrus: They will be here soon. We cannot begin without the groom and the best man.
Charles: Your nephew may not be here, but Joseph is here already. He is the best man.
Uncle Cyrus: I have agreed with my nephew that his friend may serve in that capacity.
Charles: I forbid it. Your nephew will have Joseph stand with him.
Uncle Cyrus: I have given the lads my word of honour. I shall not back down on it now.
Charles: If that disgrace to humanity Flapdoodle serves as the best man at this ceremony, you will pay.
Uncle Cyrus: Very well then. I will endure the consequences.
Charles: The very act of defiance will result in a forfeiture of your commissions and agreed upon fees.
Uncle Cyrus: You have no right to do that to me.
Charles: Guess again. I am in charge here. I will be in charge of everything on earth following the wedding. You can be executed on my command.
Uncle Cyrus: Then I have little to lose. I stand by my decision. Flapdoodle shall be the best man at my nephew's wedding.
Charles: Ah. There are the two laggards now. Cyrus, you failed to keep an eye on them. Your entire clan lacks even the most basic level of competence.
Mr. Codswallop: Is the ceremony over? Did someone else marry Elizabeth on my behalf?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, it wasn't me.
Charles: I must go and get my daughter. Her dressing is taking forever to complete.
Mr. Codswallop: Let her know that there is no need to rush on my account.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Want a drink Cyrus?
Uncle Cyrus: I believe I will take you up on your offer young man.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Chuck can do that to you, can't he?
Uncle Cyrus: Indeed he can. Comments
