Sunday, May 30, 2004
On holiday with our friends
Mr. Flapdoodle: We need to take a vacation.
Mr. Codswallop: Why would you need to take a holiday?
Mr. Flapdoodle: To rest up from all our hard work.
Mr. Codswallop: I have never known you to do any work of any kind.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's not true. There was that time. You know. A few months ago. I had a job.
Mr. Codswallop: You got fired for sleeping at work.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They put a bed there. I thought that was the job.
Mr. Codswallop: You were supposed to be vacuuming hotel rooms.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Then they shouldn't have put a bed there.
Mr. Codswallop: It was a hotel. That is what hotels do for business.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They should have put me where there wasn't a bed if they didn't expect me to use it.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps you should consider finding gainful employment once again.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I did it once. What more do people expect?
Mr. Codswallop: How do you expect to earn a living?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Your kitchen is well stocked with food. You have nice beds too.
Mr. Codswallop: Now you expect me to finance your holiday as well?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Thanks. That's great! Let's go to somewhere with beaches and lots of ladies.
Comments
Mr. Codswallop: Why would you need to take a holiday?
Mr. Flapdoodle: To rest up from all our hard work.
Mr. Codswallop: I have never known you to do any work of any kind.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's not true. There was that time. You know. A few months ago. I had a job.
Mr. Codswallop: You got fired for sleeping at work.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They put a bed there. I thought that was the job.
Mr. Codswallop: You were supposed to be vacuuming hotel rooms.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Then they shouldn't have put a bed there.
Mr. Codswallop: It was a hotel. That is what hotels do for business.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They should have put me where there wasn't a bed if they didn't expect me to use it.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps you should consider finding gainful employment once again.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I did it once. What more do people expect?
Mr. Codswallop: How do you expect to earn a living?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Your kitchen is well stocked with food. You have nice beds too.
Mr. Codswallop: Now you expect me to finance your holiday as well?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Thanks. That's great! Let's go to somewhere with beaches and lots of ladies.
Comments
Saturday, May 29, 2004
Oh give me a home where the Flapdoodles roam
Mr. Codswallop: We appear to have missed that Australian gentleman's Blogger Idol this week.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never noticed.
Mr. Codswallop: It is your responsibility to keep up with the Blogger Idol events.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I was not home.
Mr. Codswallop: Apparently, if you had been alert to the issue, the topic this week was "Home".
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, if they were home, then it didn't matter if I was away.
Mr. Codswallop: We are unable to send our Blogger Idol entry anyway, due to technical difficulties.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That was the reason I was fired from my last job. Technical difficulties.
Mr. Codswallop: You were fired because you stayed home from work.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I was home sometimes. I was in the bar too.
Mr. Codswallop: How do you expect to keep your home if you lose your job.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I lived in my car. There's no place like home in a car.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you call that wreck an automobile?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I called it home for six months.
Mr. Codswallop: The Codswallop Estate is a Tudor style home.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm sorry they had to live in a small car. Mine's a four door sedan.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps, you should concentrate on the Blogger Idol issue of "Home".
Mr. Flapdoodle: If they are issuing homes, I'm there.
Mr. Codswallop: I do not believe that is what was being conveyed.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't believe you either. I know a home from a conveyor belt.
Mr. Codswallop: Have you some homilies about home to share with everyone.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't think any home should be called homilies. I think they are called homies. Your street cred is gone.
Mr. Codswallop: I am going home.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'll drive by later in mine.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never noticed.
Mr. Codswallop: It is your responsibility to keep up with the Blogger Idol events.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I was not home.
Mr. Codswallop: Apparently, if you had been alert to the issue, the topic this week was "Home".
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, if they were home, then it didn't matter if I was away.
Mr. Codswallop: We are unable to send our Blogger Idol entry anyway, due to technical difficulties.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That was the reason I was fired from my last job. Technical difficulties.
Mr. Codswallop: You were fired because you stayed home from work.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I was home sometimes. I was in the bar too.
Mr. Codswallop: How do you expect to keep your home if you lose your job.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I lived in my car. There's no place like home in a car.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you call that wreck an automobile?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I called it home for six months.
Mr. Codswallop: The Codswallop Estate is a Tudor style home.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm sorry they had to live in a small car. Mine's a four door sedan.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps, you should concentrate on the Blogger Idol issue of "Home".
Mr. Flapdoodle: If they are issuing homes, I'm there.
Mr. Codswallop: I do not believe that is what was being conveyed.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't believe you either. I know a home from a conveyor belt.
Mr. Codswallop: Have you some homilies about home to share with everyone.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't think any home should be called homilies. I think they are called homies. Your street cred is gone.
Mr. Codswallop: I am going home.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'll drive by later in mine.
Comments
Friday, May 28, 2004
Bringing the novel up to date: An interlude 3
Mr. Codswallop: We have now got everyone up to the minute on the characters in our story.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We have?
Mr. Codswallop: Everyone now knows that we are in the story.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, you get top billing. My agent sucks.
Mr. Codswallop: Your turn is coming.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's what they all say. The only turn I get is to pay my taxes.
Mr. Codswallop: You do not pay any taxes. You have no income.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I would if I had income.
Mr. Codswallop: You do pay taxes, despite your meager earnings.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No. I get my liquor from Mr. McGillicutty. He hides from the revenuers.
Mr. Codswallop: In other words, you are breaking the law.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never knew it was working.
Mr. Codswallop: "Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's".
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I don't know this Caesar guy, but the government siezes everything I earn.
Mr. Codswallop: Or at least they would, should you actually earn anything.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Politicians get handouts. Why not me?
Mr. Codswallop: You do not have much faith in those who govern us, do you?
Mr. Flapdoodle: No. I prefer them to go on vacation and do nothing.
Mr. Codswallop: What about the affairs of governing the populace.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They'll have affairs whether they work or not.
Mr. Codswallop: That isa rather bleak view of govvernment.
Mr. Flapdoodle: When they're doing nothing. They're doing no harm.
Mr. Codswallop: You may have a point there.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: We have?
Mr. Codswallop: Everyone now knows that we are in the story.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, you get top billing. My agent sucks.
Mr. Codswallop: Your turn is coming.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's what they all say. The only turn I get is to pay my taxes.
Mr. Codswallop: You do not pay any taxes. You have no income.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I would if I had income.
Mr. Codswallop: You do pay taxes, despite your meager earnings.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No. I get my liquor from Mr. McGillicutty. He hides from the revenuers.
Mr. Codswallop: In other words, you are breaking the law.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never knew it was working.
Mr. Codswallop: "Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's".
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I don't know this Caesar guy, but the government siezes everything I earn.
Mr. Codswallop: Or at least they would, should you actually earn anything.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Politicians get handouts. Why not me?
Mr. Codswallop: You do not have much faith in those who govern us, do you?
Mr. Flapdoodle: No. I prefer them to go on vacation and do nothing.
Mr. Codswallop: What about the affairs of governing the populace.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They'll have affairs whether they work or not.
Mr. Codswallop: That isa rather bleak view of govvernment.
Mr. Flapdoodle: When they're doing nothing. They're doing no harm.
Mr. Codswallop: You may have a point there.
Comments
Thursday, May 27, 2004
Bringing the novel up to date: An interlude 2
Mr. Codswallop: You certainly did a lacklustre job of telling everyone what has happened in the novel thus far.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You never said to tell the story.
Mr. Codswallop: I was hoping you would provide some background.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Why do I have to go into the back?
Mr. Codswallop: Who are the main characters in the novel?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey, no fair. My teachers asked those questions in school. I was always wrong.
Mr. Codswallop: How could you possibly be incorrect?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, they asked the main characters and I didn't know who they were.
Mr. Codswallop: Why would that be a problem for you?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never read the book.
Mr. Codswallop: Well, we are obviously characters in our novel.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sure. You get the easy answers.
Mr. Codswallop: Who else appears in the story?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't think anyone appears. They are already there.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cedric and Uncle Cyrus are in the novel.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey. I was about to guess them too.
Mr. Codswallop: Do not forget Charles Stuart, his daughter Elizabeth, and his brother Joseph.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Now all that are left are the hard ones.
Mr. Codswallop: Think about the manner of the novel.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I know. I know. Manor Lady!
Mr. Codswallop: There, you named a person in the story after all.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Is that the update?
Mr. Codswallop: There is more to a story than the characters.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You didn't tell me it was a trick question. Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: You never said to tell the story.
Mr. Codswallop: I was hoping you would provide some background.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Why do I have to go into the back?
Mr. Codswallop: Who are the main characters in the novel?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey, no fair. My teachers asked those questions in school. I was always wrong.
Mr. Codswallop: How could you possibly be incorrect?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, they asked the main characters and I didn't know who they were.
Mr. Codswallop: Why would that be a problem for you?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I never read the book.
Mr. Codswallop: Well, we are obviously characters in our novel.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sure. You get the easy answers.
Mr. Codswallop: Who else appears in the story?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't think anyone appears. They are already there.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cedric and Uncle Cyrus are in the novel.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey. I was about to guess them too.
Mr. Codswallop: Do not forget Charles Stuart, his daughter Elizabeth, and his brother Joseph.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Now all that are left are the hard ones.
Mr. Codswallop: Think about the manner of the novel.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I know. I know. Manor Lady!
Mr. Codswallop: There, you named a person in the story after all.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Is that the update?
Mr. Codswallop: There is more to a story than the characters.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You didn't tell me it was a trick question. Comments
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Bringing the novel up to date: An interlude
Mr. Codswallop: Do you realize that our novel has stopped.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I dodn't know it was going.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you not think the continuity of the story might be compromised?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I try to stay out of compromising positions. Mostly.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps we need to bring people up to speed on the story line.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No speeding. Cousin Ezra got stopped for speeding. He had no money. I got stuck to pay the fine.
Mr. Codswallop: You do not think that a brief synopsis is in order?
Mr. Flapdoodle: You want to show ladies' briefs? That will get more readers.
Mr. Codswallop: I was speaking of a small summary.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You like the ladies in small briefs too?
Mr. Codswallop: Do you not think the length of the article might turn some readers away.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Speak for yourself. I am kind of proud of my length.
Mr. Codswallop: Obviously the background of the story is lost on you.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I like briefs. I just can't find any ladies to show me their backgrounds at the moment.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you not think of anything but wine, women, and song?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I try not to. But if I have to choose, skip the tunes.
Mr. Codswallop: Your plan then is to leave the readers in the dark?
Mr. Flapdoodle: It can be done with the lights on too.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you not think that knowing the characters in the story would be of value.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I know you. That hasn't done much for me so far.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: I dodn't know it was going.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you not think the continuity of the story might be compromised?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I try to stay out of compromising positions. Mostly.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps we need to bring people up to speed on the story line.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No speeding. Cousin Ezra got stopped for speeding. He had no money. I got stuck to pay the fine.
Mr. Codswallop: You do not think that a brief synopsis is in order?
Mr. Flapdoodle: You want to show ladies' briefs? That will get more readers.
Mr. Codswallop: I was speaking of a small summary.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You like the ladies in small briefs too?
Mr. Codswallop: Do you not think the length of the article might turn some readers away.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Speak for yourself. I am kind of proud of my length.
Mr. Codswallop: Obviously the background of the story is lost on you.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I like briefs. I just can't find any ladies to show me their backgrounds at the moment.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you not think of anything but wine, women, and song?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I try not to. But if I have to choose, skip the tunes.
Mr. Codswallop: Your plan then is to leave the readers in the dark?
Mr. Flapdoodle: It can be done with the lights on too.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you not think that knowing the characters in the story would be of value.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I know you. That hasn't done much for me so far.
Comments
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Nigritude Ultramarine
Mr. Codswallop: We are in the Nigritude Ultramarine contest.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Is that a new outboard motor?
Mr. Codswallop: Well, at first I was convinced Nigritude Ultramarine was something relating to the military.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Or a new car colour.
Mr. Codswallop: In fact, Nigritude Ultramarine is a search engine optimization (SEO) contest.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I searched an engine once. The police were not amused.
Mr. Codswallop: Wayne is a member of the SEO Chat Dream Team.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He gets to sleep on the job?
Mr. Codswallop: As you know, Wayne writes search engine optimization (SEO) advice articles for SEO Chat.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That doesn't help him sleep.
Mr. Codswallop: The point of the Nigritude Ultramarine contest is to rank the highest for the search term Nigritude Ultramarine by the June 7, and then at the contest conclusion on July 7.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Is that good or should we all expect meteors to land on our heads?
Mr. Codswallop: The Nigritude Ultramarine SEO Chat Dream Team includes some the very elite search engine optimization experts on the internet.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Like James Bond?
Mr. Codswallop: The Nigritude Ultramarine SEO Chat Dream Team will use only good guy "white Hat" techniques to win the event.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Just say no to "black hat" bad guys.
Mr. Codswallop: May the good men and women of the Nigritude Ultramarine SEO Chat Dream Team prevail!
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yay team! Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: Is that a new outboard motor?
Mr. Codswallop: Well, at first I was convinced Nigritude Ultramarine was something relating to the military.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Or a new car colour.
Mr. Codswallop: In fact, Nigritude Ultramarine is a search engine optimization (SEO) contest.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I searched an engine once. The police were not amused.
Mr. Codswallop: Wayne is a member of the SEO Chat Dream Team.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He gets to sleep on the job?
Mr. Codswallop: As you know, Wayne writes search engine optimization (SEO) advice articles for SEO Chat.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That doesn't help him sleep.
Mr. Codswallop: The point of the Nigritude Ultramarine contest is to rank the highest for the search term Nigritude Ultramarine by the June 7, and then at the contest conclusion on July 7.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Is that good or should we all expect meteors to land on our heads?
Mr. Codswallop: The Nigritude Ultramarine SEO Chat Dream Team includes some the very elite search engine optimization experts on the internet.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Like James Bond?
Mr. Codswallop: The Nigritude Ultramarine SEO Chat Dream Team will use only good guy "white Hat" techniques to win the event.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Just say no to "black hat" bad guys.
Mr. Codswallop: May the good men and women of the Nigritude Ultramarine SEO Chat Dream Team prevail!
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yay team! Comments
Monday, May 24, 2004
Blogger Problems
Mr. Codswallop: Blogger seems to be causing difficulties once again.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'd say more than once!
Mr. Codswallop: Is the problem rectified?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, that is a great place for their problems!
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'd say more than once!
Mr. Codswallop: Is the problem rectified?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, that is a great place for their problems!
Comments
Sunday, May 23, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XCV
Mr. Flapdoodle: I think it's time for lunch.
Mr. Codswallop: How can you think of eating at a time like this, when the fate of the world rests in our hands.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I just want some food in my hands.
Uncle Cyrus: I believe the ladies might be hungry.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We can save the world better when we aren't hungry.
Mr. Codswallop: We have a bitof food left, I believe.
Uncle Cyrus: The ladies have delicate palates as you know.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I'll have what Flapdoodle is having.
Uncle Cyrus: You are making a grave error in that regard.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You are less likely to go to the grave when you're fed.
Uncle Cyrus: I suggest something a trifle less plebian than what you are eating, Flapdoodle.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I think it has all the essential vitamins and additives.
Uncle Cyrus: That is disgusting.
Mr. Flapdoodle: More for us, Manor Lady.
Elizabeth Stuart: Mr. Codswallop has selected a fine meal for us to enjoy.
Uncle Cedric: I will eat almost anything. Did I tell you about some of the exotic creatures I have dined upon during my travels?
Uncle Cyrus: The ladies would rather you kept those tales to yourself.
Mr. Flapdoodle: There can't be much meat on a tail.
Uncle Cyrus: Perhaps, you would be best served to no interrupt.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Great! Cy will be our waiter today. Thanks Cy!
Comments
Mr. Codswallop: How can you think of eating at a time like this, when the fate of the world rests in our hands.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I just want some food in my hands.
Uncle Cyrus: I believe the ladies might be hungry.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We can save the world better when we aren't hungry.
Mr. Codswallop: We have a bitof food left, I believe.
Uncle Cyrus: The ladies have delicate palates as you know.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I'll have what Flapdoodle is having.
Uncle Cyrus: You are making a grave error in that regard.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You are less likely to go to the grave when you're fed.
Uncle Cyrus: I suggest something a trifle less plebian than what you are eating, Flapdoodle.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I think it has all the essential vitamins and additives.
Uncle Cyrus: That is disgusting.
Mr. Flapdoodle: More for us, Manor Lady.
Elizabeth Stuart: Mr. Codswallop has selected a fine meal for us to enjoy.
Uncle Cedric: I will eat almost anything. Did I tell you about some of the exotic creatures I have dined upon during my travels?
Uncle Cyrus: The ladies would rather you kept those tales to yourself.
Mr. Flapdoodle: There can't be much meat on a tail.
Uncle Cyrus: Perhaps, you would be best served to no interrupt.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Great! Cy will be our waiter today. Thanks Cy!
Comments
Saturday, May 22, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XCIV
Mr. Codswallop: What on Earth are Charles and Joseph trying to accomplish?
Mr. Flapdoodle: They are playing with those boxes and rings that you call weapons.
Mr. Codswallop: Well, they did use one that knocked us unconscious for quite some time.
Uncle Cyrus: It had no visible effect on me, of course.
her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: That is probably because it only affects those persons with a brain.
Uncle Cyrus: Your impudence will not be tolerated.
Her Ladyship: But your stupidity must be ignored?
Mr. Codswallop: We have too much at stake here to bicker among ourselves.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Joe is playing in those boxes.
Uncle Cedric: I believe that Charles and Joseph believe we are all either dead or totally incapacitated.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We still have our heads and we aren't dead. I hope.
Mr. Codswallop: We are most assuredly still alive.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's good. I had some money coming to me and I wanted to be alive to get it.
Uncle Cedric: That weapon is a holographic projector.
Mr. Flapdoodle: How do you tell them apart? They are all boxes and rings.
Uncle Cedric: I have examined these weapons of mass destruction for many years.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They learned how to use them faster than you.
Uncle Cedric: They have the manuals that I translated.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Whatever you say.
Mr. Codswallop: What would they want to use a hologram for anyway?
Mr. Flapdoodle: To look like there's more than two of them.
Uncle Cedric: I believe the lad may be right. The two knaves may be planning to create an illusion of a huge army.
Elizabeth Stuart: Whatever Father chooses will be the most elaborate idea imaginable.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Like the aliens coming back for their boxes they forgot when they moved.
Uncle Cedric: You don't suppose that would be their plan?
Uncle Cyrus: That is preposterous.
Her Ladyship: Cyrus disagrees. It's the right idea then.
Elizabeth: It would certainly be the idea display of power in Father's mind.
Mr. Codswallop: He would appear to be endorsed by the very aliens who manufactured the weaponry.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And look like their friend.
Mr. Codswallop: Or the only one who can stop the aliens.
Uncle Cedric: It is too diabolical to imagine.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, we just did.
Mr. Codswallop: And they imagined it too. Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: They are playing with those boxes and rings that you call weapons.
Mr. Codswallop: Well, they did use one that knocked us unconscious for quite some time.
Uncle Cyrus: It had no visible effect on me, of course.
her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: That is probably because it only affects those persons with a brain.
Uncle Cyrus: Your impudence will not be tolerated.
Her Ladyship: But your stupidity must be ignored?
Mr. Codswallop: We have too much at stake here to bicker among ourselves.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Joe is playing in those boxes.
Uncle Cedric: I believe that Charles and Joseph believe we are all either dead or totally incapacitated.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We still have our heads and we aren't dead. I hope.
Mr. Codswallop: We are most assuredly still alive.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's good. I had some money coming to me and I wanted to be alive to get it.
Uncle Cedric: That weapon is a holographic projector.
Mr. Flapdoodle: How do you tell them apart? They are all boxes and rings.
Uncle Cedric: I have examined these weapons of mass destruction for many years.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They learned how to use them faster than you.
Uncle Cedric: They have the manuals that I translated.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Whatever you say.
Mr. Codswallop: What would they want to use a hologram for anyway?
Mr. Flapdoodle: To look like there's more than two of them.
Uncle Cedric: I believe the lad may be right. The two knaves may be planning to create an illusion of a huge army.
Elizabeth Stuart: Whatever Father chooses will be the most elaborate idea imaginable.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Like the aliens coming back for their boxes they forgot when they moved.
Uncle Cedric: You don't suppose that would be their plan?
Uncle Cyrus: That is preposterous.
Her Ladyship: Cyrus disagrees. It's the right idea then.
Elizabeth: It would certainly be the idea display of power in Father's mind.
Mr. Codswallop: He would appear to be endorsed by the very aliens who manufactured the weaponry.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And look like their friend.
Mr. Codswallop: Or the only one who can stop the aliens.
Uncle Cedric: It is too diabolical to imagine.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, we just did.
Mr. Codswallop: And they imagined it too. Comments
Friday, May 21, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XCIII
Charles Stuart: We need to devise a plan to further subjugate the surviving humans.
Joseph Stuart: Our best solution to that problem would be to make ourselves heroes to all.
Charles: Perhaps we could rescue those who we do not kill.
Joseph: A splendid idea. I suggest saving them from an alien invasion.
Charles: We could fake an invasion.
Joseph: Brilliant idea. One of these ancient weapons forms a ship holograph. It probably was used to frighten the ancients.
Charles: It will still work on the fools today.
Joseph: The masses are so stupid. They do not deserve to live.
Charles: We could stage an invasion and wipe out the human population.
Joseph: We would then blame the aliens.
Charles: After all, it was their technology that killed them.
Joseph: We would then shut the weapons down, and save humanity.
Charles: That is an absolutely brilliant plan. The idiot masses will happily trade their freedom to us for safety from the evil alien beings.
Joseph: We get to reduce the human population, turn ourselves into heroes, and remove all humanity's freedoms in a single stroke.
Charles: This is the plan we shall initiate immediately.
Joseph: No one can stop it either.
Charles: Prepare to rule the world and all that is in or upon it.
Joseph: We will have our destiny fulfilled.
Charles: Let us begin right away.
Joseph: I need a few moments to adjust the holographic controls to create an invincible alien space craft.
Charles: It will frighten the fools where they stand.
Joseph: And we shall be their executioners and saviours.
Charles: We are the gods on Earth.
Comments
Joseph Stuart: Our best solution to that problem would be to make ourselves heroes to all.
Charles: Perhaps we could rescue those who we do not kill.
Joseph: A splendid idea. I suggest saving them from an alien invasion.
Charles: We could fake an invasion.
Joseph: Brilliant idea. One of these ancient weapons forms a ship holograph. It probably was used to frighten the ancients.
Charles: It will still work on the fools today.
Joseph: The masses are so stupid. They do not deserve to live.
Charles: We could stage an invasion and wipe out the human population.
Joseph: We would then blame the aliens.
Charles: After all, it was their technology that killed them.
Joseph: We would then shut the weapons down, and save humanity.
Charles: That is an absolutely brilliant plan. The idiot masses will happily trade their freedom to us for safety from the evil alien beings.
Joseph: We get to reduce the human population, turn ourselves into heroes, and remove all humanity's freedoms in a single stroke.
Charles: This is the plan we shall initiate immediately.
Joseph: No one can stop it either.
Charles: Prepare to rule the world and all that is in or upon it.
Joseph: We will have our destiny fulfilled.
Charles: Let us begin right away.
Joseph: I need a few moments to adjust the holographic controls to create an invincible alien space craft.
Charles: It will frighten the fools where they stand.
Joseph: And we shall be their executioners and saviours.
Charles: We are the gods on Earth.
Comments
Thursday, May 20, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XCII
Mr. Flapdoodle: Did you get the licence number of that truck that hit us?
Mr. Codswallop: I believe it was one of the alien weapons.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Those aliens pack a good punch. Maybe they should take up boxing.
Mr. Codswallop: The weapons are obviously operational.
Mr. Flapdoodle: If they knocked us out, check to see where they operated on us.
Uncle Cedric: Joseph must know how to use the weapons of mass destruction. We must stop them.
Uncle Cyrus: I had them stopped but the rest of you fools just stayed back, like cowards.
Mr. Codswallop: The plan was not to rush out like maniacs.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That describes Cy alright. Joe and Chuck too, for that matter.
Elizabeth Stuart: Obviously Father will stop at nothing in his quest for global domination.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Your family is into some kinky stuff too? I never knew that. You're in luck there, Codswallop!
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I refused to be Joseph's bride. I am certain that sealed my fate.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sounds like a good deal for you.
Uncle Cedric: Have we got a more realistic plan than anything that Cyrus has proposed?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I didn't know Cy was getting married.
Uncle Cyrus: I was also refused by Her Ladyship. I shall have no more to do with her either.
Her Ladyship: As if you ever did before.
Uncle Cyrus: I would have been the ideal husband.
Her Ladyship: In your dreams.
Mr. Codswallop: Can we save this for later? We have work to do at the moment.
Uncle Cyrus: You do not require my expertise, so you shall have to do it yourselves.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey, Cy had a good plan for a change. Comments
Mr. Codswallop: I believe it was one of the alien weapons.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Those aliens pack a good punch. Maybe they should take up boxing.
Mr. Codswallop: The weapons are obviously operational.
Mr. Flapdoodle: If they knocked us out, check to see where they operated on us.
Uncle Cedric: Joseph must know how to use the weapons of mass destruction. We must stop them.
Uncle Cyrus: I had them stopped but the rest of you fools just stayed back, like cowards.
Mr. Codswallop: The plan was not to rush out like maniacs.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That describes Cy alright. Joe and Chuck too, for that matter.
Elizabeth Stuart: Obviously Father will stop at nothing in his quest for global domination.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Your family is into some kinky stuff too? I never knew that. You're in luck there, Codswallop!
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I refused to be Joseph's bride. I am certain that sealed my fate.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sounds like a good deal for you.
Uncle Cedric: Have we got a more realistic plan than anything that Cyrus has proposed?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I didn't know Cy was getting married.
Uncle Cyrus: I was also refused by Her Ladyship. I shall have no more to do with her either.
Her Ladyship: As if you ever did before.
Uncle Cyrus: I would have been the ideal husband.
Her Ladyship: In your dreams.
Mr. Codswallop: Can we save this for later? We have work to do at the moment.
Uncle Cyrus: You do not require my expertise, so you shall have to do it yourselves.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey, Cy had a good plan for a change. Comments
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XCI
Uncle Cyrus: I say Charles, unhand those weapons!
Charles Stuart: It's Cyrus! He has followed us.
Joseph Stuart: Here for your payment are you, Cyrus?
Uncle Cyrus: We have you surrounded. Step back from the armaments.
Joseph: There are the others of the party of fools.
Mr. Codswallop: I cannot believe you gave us away.
Uncle Cyrus: Some one had to step forward. It appears you were going to cower in the background.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We are here. Hey Chuck! Bet you can't drive that thing.
Charles: I am able to arm and use the weapons. Stand down.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Don't you mean sit down?
Joseph: We are about to destroy the useless eaters of the world. You may all enjoy the show.
Uncle Cedric: I doubt that you have any ability at all to use those abominable creations.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Are they like the Snowman you saw in the mountains, Cedric?
Elizabeth Stuart: Father, please do not unleash your fury on to the innocents of the world.
Charles: I am doing it for you. For us. For our family's destiny.
Elizabeth: I do not want that blood upon my hands.
Charles: It is clearly for their own good. Death, for our cause, is their duty.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Joseph, how can you be involved in this barbarism?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Someone is getting a haircut now? I didn't even know Joseph was a barber.
Joseph: Your Ladyship, if you agree to be my bride, you shall be spared and will rule with us in the glorious future.
Her Ladyship: I would prefer death.
Joseph: Then death you shall have. Prepare for your demise.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hurry! Get over here, Manor Lady. Joe has a gun.
Joseph: Don't worry Flapdoodle. You and your kind are all marked to be sacrificed to the greater good.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I prefer the lesser good, then.
Charles (as a massive explosion takes place and all but Charles and Joseph fall): There you fools. You had your wish. Sorry, my daughter but you chose the wrong path.
Joseph: We have the weapons working. This was a most happy testing.
Charles: Prepare to use the death pulse.
Joseph: In a flash, only those deserving elites, who were forewarned and are in their underground shelters, will survive.
Charles: That is as it should be.
Joseph: These other fools are unconscious.
Charles: No one can stop us now!
Comments
Charles Stuart: It's Cyrus! He has followed us.
Joseph Stuart: Here for your payment are you, Cyrus?
Uncle Cyrus: We have you surrounded. Step back from the armaments.
Joseph: There are the others of the party of fools.
Mr. Codswallop: I cannot believe you gave us away.
Uncle Cyrus: Some one had to step forward. It appears you were going to cower in the background.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We are here. Hey Chuck! Bet you can't drive that thing.
Charles: I am able to arm and use the weapons. Stand down.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Don't you mean sit down?
Joseph: We are about to destroy the useless eaters of the world. You may all enjoy the show.
Uncle Cedric: I doubt that you have any ability at all to use those abominable creations.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Are they like the Snowman you saw in the mountains, Cedric?
Elizabeth Stuart: Father, please do not unleash your fury on to the innocents of the world.
Charles: I am doing it for you. For us. For our family's destiny.
Elizabeth: I do not want that blood upon my hands.
Charles: It is clearly for their own good. Death, for our cause, is their duty.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Joseph, how can you be involved in this barbarism?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Someone is getting a haircut now? I didn't even know Joseph was a barber.
Joseph: Your Ladyship, if you agree to be my bride, you shall be spared and will rule with us in the glorious future.
Her Ladyship: I would prefer death.
Joseph: Then death you shall have. Prepare for your demise.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hurry! Get over here, Manor Lady. Joe has a gun.
Joseph: Don't worry Flapdoodle. You and your kind are all marked to be sacrificed to the greater good.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I prefer the lesser good, then.
Charles (as a massive explosion takes place and all but Charles and Joseph fall): There you fools. You had your wish. Sorry, my daughter but you chose the wrong path.
Joseph: We have the weapons working. This was a most happy testing.
Charles: Prepare to use the death pulse.
Joseph: In a flash, only those deserving elites, who were forewarned and are in their underground shelters, will survive.
Charles: That is as it should be.
Joseph: These other fools are unconscious.
Charles: No one can stop us now!
Comments
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel XC
Mr. Flapdoodle: There is Chuck.
Mr. Codswallop: I see Joseph is working with the weaponry.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I know a shotgun and I know what a tank is. Those don't look like weapons to me.
Mr. Codswallop: Here is Cedric. He can tell you about their intricacies.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They get people intimate too?
Uncle Cedric: The weapons of mass destruction were built thousands of years ago by the alien Annunaki. The weapons were used to subjugate humanity.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That would make it hard to breathe alright.
Uncle Cedric: The weapons look merely like boxes and rings and little else. They are incredibly powerful, however.
Mr. Codswallop: Especially in the wrong hands.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And worse in Chuck's hands.
Mr. Codswallop: How close are the weapons to being operational?
Uncle Cedric: They appear to be nearly ready for use.
Mr. Codswallop: Where is Uncle Cyrus and the ladies?
Uncle Cedric: I left the ladies to keep Cyrus out of the way. You know how he can be at times like this.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Or any other time for that matter.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cyrus was planning on some vague notion of heroics.
Uncle Cedric: We certainly do not want that to happen. There is not telling what Charles might do if he is cornered.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Like any other rat. He'll attack.
Mr. Codswallop: If Joseph has the weapons armed, can you stop the destruction?
Uncle Cedric: I do not know. The manuals are very old. Pages are missing. Some of the words are difficult to translate.
Mr. Codswallop: In other words, we are on our own.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Let's make it up as we go along.
Uncle Cedric: If they have the weapons armed, that is all we can do for humanity.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I need to go to the bathroom.
Mr. Codswallop: I think we all do, right now. Comments
Mr. Codswallop: I see Joseph is working with the weaponry.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I know a shotgun and I know what a tank is. Those don't look like weapons to me.
Mr. Codswallop: Here is Cedric. He can tell you about their intricacies.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They get people intimate too?
Uncle Cedric: The weapons of mass destruction were built thousands of years ago by the alien Annunaki. The weapons were used to subjugate humanity.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That would make it hard to breathe alright.
Uncle Cedric: The weapons look merely like boxes and rings and little else. They are incredibly powerful, however.
Mr. Codswallop: Especially in the wrong hands.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And worse in Chuck's hands.
Mr. Codswallop: How close are the weapons to being operational?
Uncle Cedric: They appear to be nearly ready for use.
Mr. Codswallop: Where is Uncle Cyrus and the ladies?
Uncle Cedric: I left the ladies to keep Cyrus out of the way. You know how he can be at times like this.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Or any other time for that matter.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cyrus was planning on some vague notion of heroics.
Uncle Cedric: We certainly do not want that to happen. There is not telling what Charles might do if he is cornered.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Like any other rat. He'll attack.
Mr. Codswallop: If Joseph has the weapons armed, can you stop the destruction?
Uncle Cedric: I do not know. The manuals are very old. Pages are missing. Some of the words are difficult to translate.
Mr. Codswallop: In other words, we are on our own.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Let's make it up as we go along.
Uncle Cedric: If they have the weapons armed, that is all we can do for humanity.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I need to go to the bathroom.
Mr. Codswallop: I think we all do, right now. Comments
Monday, May 17, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXXXIX
Mr. Flapdoodle: Do you think Chuck and Joe can hear us?
Mr. Codswallop: I suspect they are too busily entralled in finding the key to operate the weapons of mass destruction.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The keys are in the ashtray or the window visor.
Mr. Codswallop: That is not the type of key to which I was referring.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, they need the keys to start the things.
Mr. Codswallop: I was speaking metaphorically.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I've never been to that country.
Mr. Codswallop: If Charles and Joseph are operating as expected, they will be concentrating on the weapons.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They are getting an operation too?
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps we can use the element of surprise to our advantage.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And we can sneak up on them too.
Mr. Codswallop: I am concerned that Uncle Cyrus will give us away.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Cy can give, but I'm not being taken.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cedric can disarm any operational weapons systems. I am certain of that.
Mr. Flapdoodle: As long as he can stop them. He doesn't need to be a doctor.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe I hear Charles and Joseph discussing our situation.
Mr. Flapdoodle: At least they remembered us. Maybe they'll send a card.
Mr. Codswallop: I sincerely doubt that concept is on their immediate agenda.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey! you hear that? They mentioned us.
Mr. Codswallop: They do not think too highly of our talents.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And they're the ones who can't find the keys to those things.
Comments
Mr. Codswallop: I suspect they are too busily entralled in finding the key to operate the weapons of mass destruction.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The keys are in the ashtray or the window visor.
Mr. Codswallop: That is not the type of key to which I was referring.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, they need the keys to start the things.
Mr. Codswallop: I was speaking metaphorically.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I've never been to that country.
Mr. Codswallop: If Charles and Joseph are operating as expected, they will be concentrating on the weapons.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They are getting an operation too?
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps we can use the element of surprise to our advantage.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And we can sneak up on them too.
Mr. Codswallop: I am concerned that Uncle Cyrus will give us away.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Cy can give, but I'm not being taken.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cedric can disarm any operational weapons systems. I am certain of that.
Mr. Flapdoodle: As long as he can stop them. He doesn't need to be a doctor.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe I hear Charles and Joseph discussing our situation.
Mr. Flapdoodle: At least they remembered us. Maybe they'll send a card.
Mr. Codswallop: I sincerely doubt that concept is on their immediate agenda.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey! you hear that? They mentioned us.
Mr. Codswallop: They do not think too highly of our talents.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And they're the ones who can't find the keys to those things.
Comments
Sunday, May 16, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXXXVIII
Joseph Stuart: Do you hear something in the tunnels?
Charles Stuart: It is probably just the wind. We have been hearing it all week.
Joseph: I am going to investigate its cause.
Charles: Forget chasing sounds, and work on operating these weapons.
Joseph: You I right. I am probably hearing things.
Charles: No one could possibly ever find us here.
Joseph: Cedric Codswallop has been here before, but now lacks any maps.
Charles: Besides, the man is too stupid to even find his own shoes in the morning without assistance.
Joseph: The Codswallops are rather a bumbling lot, are they not.
Charles: They also have that idiotic Flapdoodle with them. He is guaranteed to impede their progress.
Joseph: Yes. His stupidy will get into their way.
Charles: My daughter Elizabeth will return to our side eventually.
Joseph: I am planning on claiming ownership of Her Ladyship and of Pyle Manor.
Charles: That is a worthy goal. I salute you on your taste.
Joseph: Now, if only I could get these Annunaki weapons to work as we require.
Charles: Patience, my brother, we will have them fully operational in time to take over the world.
Joseph: That does sound like fun. I am most looking forward to destroying most of the global population.
Charles: It will be a glorious day indeed.
Joseph: There is that sound in the tunnels again.
Charles: You are getting nervous on me?
Joseph: I must be hearing things.
Charles: That is most certainly the case.
Joseph: My mind must be playing tricks on me as I could have sworn I heard that oaf Flapdoodle declaring he was hungry.
Charles: That is indeed your imagination.
Joseph: You are right. One thing in life is certain. Flapdoodle and any of the Codswallops could never be here.
Comments
Charles Stuart: It is probably just the wind. We have been hearing it all week.
Joseph: I am going to investigate its cause.
Charles: Forget chasing sounds, and work on operating these weapons.
Joseph: You I right. I am probably hearing things.
Charles: No one could possibly ever find us here.
Joseph: Cedric Codswallop has been here before, but now lacks any maps.
Charles: Besides, the man is too stupid to even find his own shoes in the morning without assistance.
Joseph: The Codswallops are rather a bumbling lot, are they not.
Charles: They also have that idiotic Flapdoodle with them. He is guaranteed to impede their progress.
Joseph: Yes. His stupidy will get into their way.
Charles: My daughter Elizabeth will return to our side eventually.
Joseph: I am planning on claiming ownership of Her Ladyship and of Pyle Manor.
Charles: That is a worthy goal. I salute you on your taste.
Joseph: Now, if only I could get these Annunaki weapons to work as we require.
Charles: Patience, my brother, we will have them fully operational in time to take over the world.
Joseph: That does sound like fun. I am most looking forward to destroying most of the global population.
Charles: It will be a glorious day indeed.
Joseph: There is that sound in the tunnels again.
Charles: You are getting nervous on me?
Joseph: I must be hearing things.
Charles: That is most certainly the case.
Joseph: My mind must be playing tricks on me as I could have sworn I heard that oaf Flapdoodle declaring he was hungry.
Charles: That is indeed your imagination.
Joseph: You are right. One thing in life is certain. Flapdoodle and any of the Codswallops could never be here.
Comments
Saturday, May 15, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXXXVII
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm hungry.
Mr. Codswallop: We have to keep going, despite our hunger.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I could sure use a cheeseburger or a taco.
Mr. Codswallop: Your food tastes do not seem to improve wherever you travel.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I like what I like. French fries would be great too.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps you could avoid discussions of food.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Onion rings always go well with everything.
Mr. Codswallop: Well, as a matter of interest, I would not turn down a meal of roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Even Jello Pudding would be great right now.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you think the others are hungry as well?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, Cy will be. But he always says the ladies are hungry.
Mr. Codswallop: That deflection on to others is one of Uncle Cyrus's peculiarities.
Mr. Flapdoodle: If you're hungry, then say so.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cyrus feels badly about being duped by Charles and he thought Joseph was a trusted confidant.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Two seconds with Chuck, or less, and anyone would consider him a crook.
Mr. Codswallop: Charles is far more than a simple "crook", as you so delicately put it.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Chuck is not delicate and he's a crook.
Mr. Codswallop: I think a roast turkey would be wonderful right at this moment.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Or pizza. All the toppings. With a beer.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps we had best keep our thoughts of food to ourselves.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Okay. I'll just walk along thinking of chocolate cake and ice cream.
Mr. Codswallop: We are nearing the destination.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I hope they have a drive through.
Comments
Mr. Codswallop: We have to keep going, despite our hunger.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I could sure use a cheeseburger or a taco.
Mr. Codswallop: Your food tastes do not seem to improve wherever you travel.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I like what I like. French fries would be great too.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps you could avoid discussions of food.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Onion rings always go well with everything.
Mr. Codswallop: Well, as a matter of interest, I would not turn down a meal of roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Even Jello Pudding would be great right now.
Mr. Codswallop: Do you think the others are hungry as well?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, Cy will be. But he always says the ladies are hungry.
Mr. Codswallop: That deflection on to others is one of Uncle Cyrus's peculiarities.
Mr. Flapdoodle: If you're hungry, then say so.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cyrus feels badly about being duped by Charles and he thought Joseph was a trusted confidant.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Two seconds with Chuck, or less, and anyone would consider him a crook.
Mr. Codswallop: Charles is far more than a simple "crook", as you so delicately put it.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Chuck is not delicate and he's a crook.
Mr. Codswallop: I think a roast turkey would be wonderful right at this moment.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Or pizza. All the toppings. With a beer.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps we had best keep our thoughts of food to ourselves.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Okay. I'll just walk along thinking of chocolate cake and ice cream.
Mr. Codswallop: We are nearing the destination.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I hope they have a drive through.
Comments
Friday, May 14, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXXXVI
Uncle Cedric: I believe we have found the tunnel taken by Charles and Joseph.
Uncle Cyrus: I knew I had selected the correct one from the very beginning.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I highly doubt you had any idea at all where to start.
Uncle Cyrus: I clearly recall telling everyone we must take the seventh tunnel.
Mr. Flapdoodle: How come I miss all of those important announcements.
Her Ladyship: Probably because they were never made in the first place.
Uncle Cyrus: You doubt my word?
Her Ladyship: I merely suspect your memory of events is a little cloudy.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He remembers the clouds?
Uncle Cedric: If we hurry, we can catch them very soon.
Uncle Cyrus: I have always recommended hurrying but everyone here insists on dallying.
Uncle Cedric: They have possession of the alien Annunaki weapons of mass destruction. It is only a matter of time until they are able to use them freely.
Elizabeth Stuart: There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that Father will use the weapons to achieve his goals.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps we should make provision for that possibility. If they can operate the weapons, we need a plan to stop them.
Uncle Cyrus: Your planning gets us nowhere, except lost.
Uncle Cedric: Cyrus, you have no idea of the awesome power in those weapons.
Uncle Cyrus: They said that during the wonderful war too. I checked the enemy in his tracks.
Uncle Cedric: The Wars of Gods and Men were fought over four thousand years ago. They effectively ended civilization in the Middle East for centuries.
Uncle Cyrus: Those were local and minor wars.
Uncle Cedrc: They were nuclear wars, at the very least. They destroyed Sodom and Gommorah with nuclear weaponry. The down wind Sumerian culture, located in modern Iraq, was destroyed by the fallout radiation.
Uncle Cyrus: That is all a fairy tale.
Uncle Cedric: Well, the weapons are at the end of this tunnel. They were moved here from Iraq.
Uncle Cyrus: A likely story indeed.
Uncle Cedric: It is thought by many experts, that the recent Gulf Wars were fought to gain that weaponry. Oil was, in fact, secondary.
Uncle Cyrus: You are insane, Cedric.
Mr. Codswallop: Let us continue on our way.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I have the flashlights. Cedric dropped his again. Comments
Uncle Cyrus: I knew I had selected the correct one from the very beginning.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I highly doubt you had any idea at all where to start.
Uncle Cyrus: I clearly recall telling everyone we must take the seventh tunnel.
Mr. Flapdoodle: How come I miss all of those important announcements.
Her Ladyship: Probably because they were never made in the first place.
Uncle Cyrus: You doubt my word?
Her Ladyship: I merely suspect your memory of events is a little cloudy.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He remembers the clouds?
Uncle Cedric: If we hurry, we can catch them very soon.
Uncle Cyrus: I have always recommended hurrying but everyone here insists on dallying.
Uncle Cedric: They have possession of the alien Annunaki weapons of mass destruction. It is only a matter of time until they are able to use them freely.
Elizabeth Stuart: There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that Father will use the weapons to achieve his goals.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps we should make provision for that possibility. If they can operate the weapons, we need a plan to stop them.
Uncle Cyrus: Your planning gets us nowhere, except lost.
Uncle Cedric: Cyrus, you have no idea of the awesome power in those weapons.
Uncle Cyrus: They said that during the wonderful war too. I checked the enemy in his tracks.
Uncle Cedric: The Wars of Gods and Men were fought over four thousand years ago. They effectively ended civilization in the Middle East for centuries.
Uncle Cyrus: Those were local and minor wars.
Uncle Cedrc: They were nuclear wars, at the very least. They destroyed Sodom and Gommorah with nuclear weaponry. The down wind Sumerian culture, located in modern Iraq, was destroyed by the fallout radiation.
Uncle Cyrus: That is all a fairy tale.
Uncle Cedric: Well, the weapons are at the end of this tunnel. They were moved here from Iraq.
Uncle Cyrus: A likely story indeed.
Uncle Cedric: It is thought by many experts, that the recent Gulf Wars were fought to gain that weaponry. Oil was, in fact, secondary.
Uncle Cyrus: You are insane, Cedric.
Mr. Codswallop: Let us continue on our way.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I have the flashlights. Cedric dropped his again. Comments
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles : A Novel LXXXV
Charles Stuart: I am rapidly becoming annoyed at your inability to operate these weapons systems.
Joseph Stuart: Calm down, Charles. These are extremely advanced technologies.
Charles: How advanced can they be? They were buried over four thousand years ago following the Wars of Gods and Men.
Joseph: The Annunaki were far more advanced then, than we are now. We are rapidly closing the weapons gap, however.
Charles: When the Annunaki return to Earth, I want to be there to greet them as the planet's uncontested leader.
Joseph: We have to get the weapons operational, and then use them on the troublesome population.
Charles: I like that idea. We will rid the Earth of all disidents first, and the useless eaters second.
Joseph: I believe we could do it by income. Anyone below a certain income cutoff point will be executed.
Charles: That is only reasonable. Anyone unable to earn a living is automatically worthless. By definition, they are merely parasites.
Joseph: A man's worth is guaged by his wealth.
Charles: Of course, we will return to women to property status as deemed holy by the gods.
Joseph: Where anyone ever devised the, at best misguided concept that women were even remotely equal to a man, is a mystery to me.
Charles: Women will be property under our societal laws, freely tradeable like any other commodity, as they should be now.
Joseph: The foolishness of women's equality is what destroyed society as we know it.
Charles: We will certainly correct that error.
Joseph: We will permit a man to have as many wives as he wishes to purchase.
Charles: That is a sensible law. Of course, only a limited number of women will be deemed acceptable to bear children. If they are from an inferior bloodline, they will be rendered sterile.
Joseph: That is a brilliant and most equitable and fair plan for all concerned.
Charles: Our society will be a paradise on Earth, as it was in the days of Annunaki kingship.
Joseph: Everyone will be born into their role as the gods intended.
Charles: This horrible idea, that people can actually rise from their gods given station, will be snuffed out once and for all.
Joseph: Let the DNA decide.
Charles: I like that for a societal motto. Comments
Joseph Stuart: Calm down, Charles. These are extremely advanced technologies.
Charles: How advanced can they be? They were buried over four thousand years ago following the Wars of Gods and Men.
Joseph: The Annunaki were far more advanced then, than we are now. We are rapidly closing the weapons gap, however.
Charles: When the Annunaki return to Earth, I want to be there to greet them as the planet's uncontested leader.
Joseph: We have to get the weapons operational, and then use them on the troublesome population.
Charles: I like that idea. We will rid the Earth of all disidents first, and the useless eaters second.
Joseph: I believe we could do it by income. Anyone below a certain income cutoff point will be executed.
Charles: That is only reasonable. Anyone unable to earn a living is automatically worthless. By definition, they are merely parasites.
Joseph: A man's worth is guaged by his wealth.
Charles: Of course, we will return to women to property status as deemed holy by the gods.
Joseph: Where anyone ever devised the, at best misguided concept that women were even remotely equal to a man, is a mystery to me.
Charles: Women will be property under our societal laws, freely tradeable like any other commodity, as they should be now.
Joseph: The foolishness of women's equality is what destroyed society as we know it.
Charles: We will certainly correct that error.
Joseph: We will permit a man to have as many wives as he wishes to purchase.
Charles: That is a sensible law. Of course, only a limited number of women will be deemed acceptable to bear children. If they are from an inferior bloodline, they will be rendered sterile.
Joseph: That is a brilliant and most equitable and fair plan for all concerned.
Charles: Our society will be a paradise on Earth, as it was in the days of Annunaki kingship.
Joseph: Everyone will be born into their role as the gods intended.
Charles: This horrible idea, that people can actually rise from their gods given station, will be snuffed out once and for all.
Joseph: Let the DNA decide.
Charles: I like that for a societal motto. Comments
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXXXIV
Uncle Cedric: I have remembered the directions!
Uncle Cyrus: I highly doubt that after our last chasing of a relatively untamed gander.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You mean a wild goose chase?
Uncle Cyrus: Do not mock me!
Mr. Flapdoodle: I have heard of mock turtle and mock duck. Is that a mock goose?
Uncle Cyrus: Will you let Cedric tell us his directions or not?
Uncle Cedric: Thank you, Cyrus.
Uncle Cyrus: As you can see Flapdoodle, a little courtesy pays off in the end.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Like a kick in the pants.
Uncle Cedric: There are thirteen corridors. Each one represents one of the thirteen ruling class families, including the true royal bloodline.
Elizabeth Stuart: I am guessing that the one for the true Annunaki bloodline would be the correct choice?
Uncle Cedric: If I were a betting man...
Mr. Codswallop: ...which you are...
Uncle Cedric: I would wager on just that occurance.
Uncle Cyrus: That is all well and good Cedric, but which corridor would you select? Every one that you have chosen has taken us in circles.
Uncle Cedric: I am thinking that 322 is the magic number.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yup, that is logical. Not!
Uncle Cedric: That number is very special to many secret societies.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Then they need a more secret area code.
Uncle Cedric: Some combination resulting in 322, will get us to the correct route.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They add up to seven. Just so you know I went to school, Cy.
Uncle Cedric: Bravo! That is it! We will take the seventh entry.
Uncle Cyrus: I suggested that from the start.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Actually, you had no suggestions whatsoever.
Uncle Cyrus: I said distinctly, "Cedric, we must take the seventh corridor."
Mr. Flapdoodle: I must have missed that rant.
Mr. Codswallop: We all missed it.
Uncle Cyrus: Perhaps if all of you would listen to me more often, we would be in less trouble.
Her Ladyship: I would think your ideas would get us into deeper trouble.
Uncle Cyrus: Well, in any case, Cedric agrees with my initial suggestion. Follow me!
Mr. Flapdoodle: Famous last words! Comments
Uncle Cyrus: I highly doubt that after our last chasing of a relatively untamed gander.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You mean a wild goose chase?
Uncle Cyrus: Do not mock me!
Mr. Flapdoodle: I have heard of mock turtle and mock duck. Is that a mock goose?
Uncle Cyrus: Will you let Cedric tell us his directions or not?
Uncle Cedric: Thank you, Cyrus.
Uncle Cyrus: As you can see Flapdoodle, a little courtesy pays off in the end.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Like a kick in the pants.
Uncle Cedric: There are thirteen corridors. Each one represents one of the thirteen ruling class families, including the true royal bloodline.
Elizabeth Stuart: I am guessing that the one for the true Annunaki bloodline would be the correct choice?
Uncle Cedric: If I were a betting man...
Mr. Codswallop: ...which you are...
Uncle Cedric: I would wager on just that occurance.
Uncle Cyrus: That is all well and good Cedric, but which corridor would you select? Every one that you have chosen has taken us in circles.
Uncle Cedric: I am thinking that 322 is the magic number.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yup, that is logical. Not!
Uncle Cedric: That number is very special to many secret societies.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Then they need a more secret area code.
Uncle Cedric: Some combination resulting in 322, will get us to the correct route.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They add up to seven. Just so you know I went to school, Cy.
Uncle Cedric: Bravo! That is it! We will take the seventh entry.
Uncle Cyrus: I suggested that from the start.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Actually, you had no suggestions whatsoever.
Uncle Cyrus: I said distinctly, "Cedric, we must take the seventh corridor."
Mr. Flapdoodle: I must have missed that rant.
Mr. Codswallop: We all missed it.
Uncle Cyrus: Perhaps if all of you would listen to me more often, we would be in less trouble.
Her Ladyship: I would think your ideas would get us into deeper trouble.
Uncle Cyrus: Well, in any case, Cedric agrees with my initial suggestion. Follow me!
Mr. Flapdoodle: Famous last words! Comments
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXXXIII
Uncle Cyrus: The temperature in here is rather chilly. I am certain that the ladies must be cold.
Elizabeth Stuart: I am fine. I wore an extra sweater.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I have on my tweed jacket. I am quite warm.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Cy is cold and won't admit it.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cyrus has always been rather sensitive to the colder weather.
Uncle Cedric: Cyrus, we do not have far to go now.
Uncle Cyrus: I was merely expressing concern for the welfare of the ladies.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Just keep your hands in your pockets.
Uncle Cyrus: Your thoughts are incredibly vulgar, young man.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I wore gloves.
Uncle Cyrus: Those are the most hideous gloves I have ever seen in my life.
Mr. Flapdoodle: But they keep my hands warm.
Uncle Cyrus: I believe we need to find Charles soon, for the good of our group.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Or for the good of your health, since you gave them weapons in the first place.
Uncle Cyrus: Cedric freely provided them with the operational handbooks.
Uncle Cedric: I gave them to you for safe keeping.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We know how that turned out.
Mr. Codswallop: We must keep going as Charles will not be stopping.
Elizabeth: That is certainly true. Father will stop at nothing to achieve his goals.
Uncle Cedric: If he, or more likely Joseph, is able to comprehend the way those weapons are used, it will be a sad day for everyone.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps not for Charles.
Uncle Cyrus: We could all have been part of that glorious rule, you know.
Mr. Codswallop: I would not want any part of such a genocidal regime.
Elizabeth: Father will do as the ruling families recommended, in reducing the global population to one half billion, from the current six plus billion people.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's a lot of reducing.
Mr. Codswallop: It is maniacal in the extreme.
Uncle Cedric: The weapons provide that capability to Charles.
Uncle Cyrus: I believe the ladies are cold.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well those plans are chilling. Comments
Elizabeth Stuart: I am fine. I wore an extra sweater.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I have on my tweed jacket. I am quite warm.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Cy is cold and won't admit it.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cyrus has always been rather sensitive to the colder weather.
Uncle Cedric: Cyrus, we do not have far to go now.
Uncle Cyrus: I was merely expressing concern for the welfare of the ladies.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Just keep your hands in your pockets.
Uncle Cyrus: Your thoughts are incredibly vulgar, young man.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I wore gloves.
Uncle Cyrus: Those are the most hideous gloves I have ever seen in my life.
Mr. Flapdoodle: But they keep my hands warm.
Uncle Cyrus: I believe we need to find Charles soon, for the good of our group.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Or for the good of your health, since you gave them weapons in the first place.
Uncle Cyrus: Cedric freely provided them with the operational handbooks.
Uncle Cedric: I gave them to you for safe keeping.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We know how that turned out.
Mr. Codswallop: We must keep going as Charles will not be stopping.
Elizabeth: That is certainly true. Father will stop at nothing to achieve his goals.
Uncle Cedric: If he, or more likely Joseph, is able to comprehend the way those weapons are used, it will be a sad day for everyone.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps not for Charles.
Uncle Cyrus: We could all have been part of that glorious rule, you know.
Mr. Codswallop: I would not want any part of such a genocidal regime.
Elizabeth: Father will do as the ruling families recommended, in reducing the global population to one half billion, from the current six plus billion people.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's a lot of reducing.
Mr. Codswallop: It is maniacal in the extreme.
Uncle Cedric: The weapons provide that capability to Charles.
Uncle Cyrus: I believe the ladies are cold.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well those plans are chilling. Comments
Monday, May 10, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXXXII
Uncle Cedric: I believe we have closed the distance between ourselves and Charles Stuart.
Uncle Cyrus: I trust then, we are no longer lost.
Uncle Cedric: We were not lost, merely uncertain of our direction.
Uncle Cyrus: Now, that statement made sense.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sounded like he admitted we were lost.
Mr. Codswallop: Ignore them. They always talk like that with one another.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey. Charles and Joseph had the same lunch we had.
Mr. Codswallop: How do you know that fact?
Uncle Cyrus: Perhaps the lad has some unrealized and unappreciated deductive powers.
Uncle Cedric: I think we are very close to catching Charles and Joseph.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I just found the wrapper. It must be Charles's lunch. It's marked with a big letter C.
Mr. Codswallop: We are almost there, then.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The wrapper says "C...Y...C"
Uncle Cyrus: Let me examine that wrapper.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He even ate the same boring meal you did, Cy.
Uncle Cyrus: That is my own lunch wrapper. I wrote my initials on it, to prevent it being eaten by Flapdoodle, in one of his fits of hunger.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Why did you carry it along with you then. It was empty.
Uncle Cyrus: I never brought it along with us. Cedric!
Uncle Cedric: I fear we have been travelling in circles. We are back to the same spot where we ate our lunch.
Uncle Cyrus: I was led to believe that you knew the correct route.
Uncle Cedric: All it took was one wrong turn. I no longer have the map.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Of course not. Cyrus gave the map to Charles.
Mr. Flapdoodle: For free too.
Uncle Cyrus: I will not be blamed for this fiasco. It is Cedric's fault for getting us lost. It is Flapdoodle's fault for being an idiot. It is Her Ladyship's fault for siding against me with that oaf of a Flapdoodle:
Her Ladyship: You certainly do not mind handing out the blame, do you Cyrus.
Uncle Cyrus: I am entirely blameless. If all of you had listened to me, we would all be doing very well indeed.
Her Ladyship: If you consider being a slave to Charles and Joseph a good thing.
Uncle Cedric: We can still find the proper pathway.
Mr. Codswallop: This is simply a temporary setback.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Maybe Chuck and Joe got lost too.
Uncle Cedric: That is a possibility. They may not comprehend the map.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Don't step in their lunch then.
Comments
Uncle Cyrus: I trust then, we are no longer lost.
Uncle Cedric: We were not lost, merely uncertain of our direction.
Uncle Cyrus: Now, that statement made sense.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sounded like he admitted we were lost.
Mr. Codswallop: Ignore them. They always talk like that with one another.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Hey. Charles and Joseph had the same lunch we had.
Mr. Codswallop: How do you know that fact?
Uncle Cyrus: Perhaps the lad has some unrealized and unappreciated deductive powers.
Uncle Cedric: I think we are very close to catching Charles and Joseph.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I just found the wrapper. It must be Charles's lunch. It's marked with a big letter C.
Mr. Codswallop: We are almost there, then.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The wrapper says "C...Y...C"
Uncle Cyrus: Let me examine that wrapper.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He even ate the same boring meal you did, Cy.
Uncle Cyrus: That is my own lunch wrapper. I wrote my initials on it, to prevent it being eaten by Flapdoodle, in one of his fits of hunger.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Why did you carry it along with you then. It was empty.
Uncle Cyrus: I never brought it along with us. Cedric!
Uncle Cedric: I fear we have been travelling in circles. We are back to the same spot where we ate our lunch.
Uncle Cyrus: I was led to believe that you knew the correct route.
Uncle Cedric: All it took was one wrong turn. I no longer have the map.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Of course not. Cyrus gave the map to Charles.
Mr. Flapdoodle: For free too.
Uncle Cyrus: I will not be blamed for this fiasco. It is Cedric's fault for getting us lost. It is Flapdoodle's fault for being an idiot. It is Her Ladyship's fault for siding against me with that oaf of a Flapdoodle:
Her Ladyship: You certainly do not mind handing out the blame, do you Cyrus.
Uncle Cyrus: I am entirely blameless. If all of you had listened to me, we would all be doing very well indeed.
Her Ladyship: If you consider being a slave to Charles and Joseph a good thing.
Uncle Cedric: We can still find the proper pathway.
Mr. Codswallop: This is simply a temporary setback.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Maybe Chuck and Joe got lost too.
Uncle Cedric: That is a possibility. They may not comprehend the map.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Don't step in their lunch then.
Comments
Sunday, May 09, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXXXI
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm hungry.
Uncle Cyrus: Have you no self control at all?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yes, and I'm hungry.
Mr. Codswallop: I am certain that others are hungry as well.
Elizabeth Stuart: I think we have time to eat our lunches.
Uncle Cyrus: This delay is going to cost us dearly.
Uncle Cedric: We will make better progress once we have eaten. It will also provide me with some time to assess our relative position.
Uncle Cyrus: In other words, we are lost as well as having several peckish members.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Cy, there are ladies present.
Uncle Cyrus: Does the term idiot mean anything to you.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I believe it refers to someone who sold something but nver got paid for it.
Uncle Cyrus: How dare you mock me.
Mr. Codswallop: There is no need for bickering. Let us dine in quiet.
Uncle Cedric: I will take a look around as I eat. I want to get our bearings.
Uncle Cyrus: We are lost. I am sure that the ladies are concerned about the wild beasts that dwell in these confounded corridors.
Mr. Flapdoodle: If they were found, we wouldn't be lost.
Uncle Cyrus: Would you please go and get in front of a booby trap and spare us your commentary.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Her Ladyship is missing.
Uncle Cyrus: How did you manage to lose her, you lout.
Mr. Codswallop: There is no need to panic. I am certain she is right here.
Uncle Cyrus: Losing one of the delicate sex is unforgiveable.
Mr. Codswallop: You must learn, Uncle Cyrus, that women are no longer the passive creatures you envision.
Uncle Cyrus: You are turning on our traditions as well.
Mr. Codswallop: I am trying to drag you kicking and screaming into the modern world.
Uncle Cyrus: You are both pathetic excuses. That is all I have to say.
Uncle Cedric: Her Ladyship and I have found the correct turn to make for the next leg of our journey.
Mr. Codswallop: As you can see, Her Ladyship was not lost at all, but was working on a solution to our navigational problem.
Uncle Cyrus: I still think that Flapdoodle lost her and Cedric is covering for him.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You have covers too? No holding out on the rest of us.
Comments
Uncle Cyrus: Have you no self control at all?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yes, and I'm hungry.
Mr. Codswallop: I am certain that others are hungry as well.
Elizabeth Stuart: I think we have time to eat our lunches.
Uncle Cyrus: This delay is going to cost us dearly.
Uncle Cedric: We will make better progress once we have eaten. It will also provide me with some time to assess our relative position.
Uncle Cyrus: In other words, we are lost as well as having several peckish members.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Cy, there are ladies present.
Uncle Cyrus: Does the term idiot mean anything to you.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I believe it refers to someone who sold something but nver got paid for it.
Uncle Cyrus: How dare you mock me.
Mr. Codswallop: There is no need for bickering. Let us dine in quiet.
Uncle Cedric: I will take a look around as I eat. I want to get our bearings.
Uncle Cyrus: We are lost. I am sure that the ladies are concerned about the wild beasts that dwell in these confounded corridors.
Mr. Flapdoodle: If they were found, we wouldn't be lost.
Uncle Cyrus: Would you please go and get in front of a booby trap and spare us your commentary.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Her Ladyship is missing.
Uncle Cyrus: How did you manage to lose her, you lout.
Mr. Codswallop: There is no need to panic. I am certain she is right here.
Uncle Cyrus: Losing one of the delicate sex is unforgiveable.
Mr. Codswallop: You must learn, Uncle Cyrus, that women are no longer the passive creatures you envision.
Uncle Cyrus: You are turning on our traditions as well.
Mr. Codswallop: I am trying to drag you kicking and screaming into the modern world.
Uncle Cyrus: You are both pathetic excuses. That is all I have to say.
Uncle Cedric: Her Ladyship and I have found the correct turn to make for the next leg of our journey.
Mr. Codswallop: As you can see, Her Ladyship was not lost at all, but was working on a solution to our navigational problem.
Uncle Cyrus: I still think that Flapdoodle lost her and Cedric is covering for him.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You have covers too? No holding out on the rest of us.
Comments
Saturday, May 08, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXXX
Uncle Cyrus: You failed to inform the ladies as to the low level of light in this tunnel.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It's dark too.
Uncle Cedric: Do be careful of booby traps and of poisonous creatures.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I was happier when it was only just dark in here.
Uncle Cedric: The entire system is well guarded and without the map, we must rely upon our memory.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't remember ever being here.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cedric means we must rely upon his memory.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And that's supposed to help us?
Elizabeth Stuart: Father will have taken the quickest route. That is his way.
Uncle Cedric: There is a short cut, but it is very dangerous.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Does everything have to keep getting worse?
Uncle Cedric: I took the short cut twice, but I am uncertain about all of the hazards.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yup, it keeps getting worse.
Uncle Cyrus: I will escort the ladies and ensure their safety.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And yours.
Uncle Cedric: I will lead the way.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That is the best idea I've heard all day.
Uncle Cedric: Of course, if I trip off some of the booby traps, or alert the beasts that lurk in the darkness, those following me might be in even greater danger.
Mr. Flapdoodle: So much for things getting any easier.
Mr. Codswallop: I will assist Uncle Cedric in finding the dangers.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sure. Volunteer to be on point when it might be the safest place.
Uncle Cyrus: I will protect the ladies from any possible injury.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Don't stick your hands in any dark places.
Uncle Cyrus: Do you consider me to be a fool?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, since you asked.
Mr. Codswallop: Let us keep cool heads about us. We need to be alert to the many hazards in the tunnels.
Uncle Cedric: We must be certain to take the correct turns, or we can get permanently lost in this labyrinthine structure.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It looks like a maze to me.
Uncle Cyrus: That is what Cedric already stated, you oaf.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No, he was talking about us being like lab rats in here.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Flapdoodle does have a point there.
Uncle Cyrus: Your Ladyship, if you consider Flapdoodle to be capable of protecting your person better than I, then go to his side.
Her Ladyship: I believe I will, as your hands have a tendency to explore dark places.
Uncle Cyrus: Well I never heard the like.
Her Ladyship: Well, it is about time that you did hear it.
Uncle Cyrus: Go over there with Flapdoodle and watch out for dangerous creatures. I am quite certain that he will not be able to see them.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Come on over here, Manor Lady. I have a flashlight.
Uncle Cyrus: Give me that torch at once.
Mr. Flapdoodle: If you want a torch, light one yourself. I'll use my flashlight.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cyrus, where is the light you were given.
Uncle Cyrus: I was...well...saving it for when we needed it.
Elizabeth: He dropped it. Here it is. I went back for it.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm sure glad he's not protecting me. Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: It's dark too.
Uncle Cedric: Do be careful of booby traps and of poisonous creatures.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I was happier when it was only just dark in here.
Uncle Cedric: The entire system is well guarded and without the map, we must rely upon our memory.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't remember ever being here.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cedric means we must rely upon his memory.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And that's supposed to help us?
Elizabeth Stuart: Father will have taken the quickest route. That is his way.
Uncle Cedric: There is a short cut, but it is very dangerous.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Does everything have to keep getting worse?
Uncle Cedric: I took the short cut twice, but I am uncertain about all of the hazards.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Yup, it keeps getting worse.
Uncle Cyrus: I will escort the ladies and ensure their safety.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And yours.
Uncle Cedric: I will lead the way.
Mr. Flapdoodle: That is the best idea I've heard all day.
Uncle Cedric: Of course, if I trip off some of the booby traps, or alert the beasts that lurk in the darkness, those following me might be in even greater danger.
Mr. Flapdoodle: So much for things getting any easier.
Mr. Codswallop: I will assist Uncle Cedric in finding the dangers.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Sure. Volunteer to be on point when it might be the safest place.
Uncle Cyrus: I will protect the ladies from any possible injury.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Don't stick your hands in any dark places.
Uncle Cyrus: Do you consider me to be a fool?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, since you asked.
Mr. Codswallop: Let us keep cool heads about us. We need to be alert to the many hazards in the tunnels.
Uncle Cedric: We must be certain to take the correct turns, or we can get permanently lost in this labyrinthine structure.
Mr. Flapdoodle: It looks like a maze to me.
Uncle Cyrus: That is what Cedric already stated, you oaf.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No, he was talking about us being like lab rats in here.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: Flapdoodle does have a point there.
Uncle Cyrus: Your Ladyship, if you consider Flapdoodle to be capable of protecting your person better than I, then go to his side.
Her Ladyship: I believe I will, as your hands have a tendency to explore dark places.
Uncle Cyrus: Well I never heard the like.
Her Ladyship: Well, it is about time that you did hear it.
Uncle Cyrus: Go over there with Flapdoodle and watch out for dangerous creatures. I am quite certain that he will not be able to see them.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Come on over here, Manor Lady. I have a flashlight.
Uncle Cyrus: Give me that torch at once.
Mr. Flapdoodle: If you want a torch, light one yourself. I'll use my flashlight.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cyrus, where is the light you were given.
Uncle Cyrus: I was...well...saving it for when we needed it.
Elizabeth: He dropped it. Here it is. I went back for it.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'm sure glad he's not protecting me. Comments
Friday, May 07, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXXIX
Uncle Cedric: The location of the alien Annunaki weapons of mass destruction is just up ahead.
Mr. Codswallop: I will take the car around to the back, to prevent Charles and Joseph from seeing us arrive.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They know our car?
Mr. Codswallop: They might not know the individual automobile, but I am quite postive in guessing that they would suspect it is us.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I am worried about positive guesses.
Uncle Cedric: The alien weapons are hidden in an underground bunker that goes deep within the earth.
Uncle Cyrus: How would you find the weaponry then?
Uncle Cedric: I used the ancient maps and manuscripts that have been passed through the various secret societies for millenia.
Uncle Cyrus: Do Charles and Joseph have those maps in their possession?
Uncle Cedric: I believe they do Cyrus. After all, you gave them to them in hopes of receiving some cash compensation.
Uncle Cyrus: You are exaggerating and distorting the facts of the matter.
Elizabeth Stuart: Father was quite confident that he could find and use the weapons in all of their destructive capabilities.
Uncle Cedric: Our lone hope is they are unable to decipher the ancient texts, although as a Knight Templar, Joseph has studied esoteric manuscripts and languages.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He wanted me to be a Knight, but I never got a horse, or armour, or anything.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe Uncle Cedric is talking about the Order itself, and not the trappings.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They get to go trapping too? We never did that either.
Uncle Cedric: We must hurry as they have an enormous head start and they possess the maps and manuals for the weapons.
Uncle Cyrus: You mean to say that you failed to make a copy of the manuscripts?
Uncle Cedric: I never expected you to donate them to Charles and his cause.
Mr. Codswallop: There is no need to bicker among ourselves. We will cross those bridges when we find them.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't like bridges. I went on a swing bridge once. It was awful.
Mr. Codswallop: We are here now. Let us embark on our mission to stop the end of humanity.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Can I go to the bathroom first?
Comments
Mr. Codswallop: I will take the car around to the back, to prevent Charles and Joseph from seeing us arrive.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They know our car?
Mr. Codswallop: They might not know the individual automobile, but I am quite postive in guessing that they would suspect it is us.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I am worried about positive guesses.
Uncle Cedric: The alien weapons are hidden in an underground bunker that goes deep within the earth.
Uncle Cyrus: How would you find the weaponry then?
Uncle Cedric: I used the ancient maps and manuscripts that have been passed through the various secret societies for millenia.
Uncle Cyrus: Do Charles and Joseph have those maps in their possession?
Uncle Cedric: I believe they do Cyrus. After all, you gave them to them in hopes of receiving some cash compensation.
Uncle Cyrus: You are exaggerating and distorting the facts of the matter.
Elizabeth Stuart: Father was quite confident that he could find and use the weapons in all of their destructive capabilities.
Uncle Cedric: Our lone hope is they are unable to decipher the ancient texts, although as a Knight Templar, Joseph has studied esoteric manuscripts and languages.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He wanted me to be a Knight, but I never got a horse, or armour, or anything.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe Uncle Cedric is talking about the Order itself, and not the trappings.
Mr. Flapdoodle: They get to go trapping too? We never did that either.
Uncle Cedric: We must hurry as they have an enormous head start and they possess the maps and manuals for the weapons.
Uncle Cyrus: You mean to say that you failed to make a copy of the manuscripts?
Uncle Cedric: I never expected you to donate them to Charles and his cause.
Mr. Codswallop: There is no need to bicker among ourselves. We will cross those bridges when we find them.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't like bridges. I went on a swing bridge once. It was awful.
Mr. Codswallop: We are here now. Let us embark on our mission to stop the end of humanity.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Can I go to the bathroom first?
Comments
Thursday, May 06, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXXVIII
Uncle Cyrus: What on Earth is taking those ladies so long.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe they said they were off to powder their noses.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I thought they had to go to the bathroom.
Mr. Codswallop: That is what the euphemism represented.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I didn't do anything. Don't say "you" to me.
Mr. Codswallop: A euphemism...oh never mind.
Uncle Cyrus: We are nearing the end of our quest. Charles and Joseph cannot be far ahead of us now.
Uncle Cedric: My greatest fear is they will find the instructions for unleashing the weapons of mass destruction on an unsuspecting humanity.
Uncle Cyrus: You were not so foolish as to leave them an operator's manual, were you, Cedric?
Uncle Cedric: At least I did not attempt to sell them the weaponry and betray all of the human race.
Uncle Cyrus: I was only doing what was best for the family.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And trying to impress the Manor Lady.
Uncle Cyrus: I will not stand for you besmirching Her Ladyship in my presence.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You are sitting.
Uncle Cyrus: Your belittling of Her Ladyship is unconscionable.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I didn't notice her size changing at all.
Mr. Codswallop: Let us not bicker among ourselves. We have far more important concerns.
Uncle Cyrus: Sure, you have Elizabeth either way. Win or lose.
Mr. Codswallop: I had not intended to ever be part of anyone's plans.
Uncle Cyrus: And Flapdoodle is forever getting friendly with Her Ladyship.
Uncle Cedric: Or the other way around.
Uncle Cyrus: Must everyone attempt to humiliate me?
Mr. Flapdoodle: You seem to have a talent for it yourself. It's a bit like my Uncle Eli...
Uncle Cyrus: Absolutely no one cares about your low brow relatives and their lack of breeding.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oh they bred alright. There are lots of them.
Uncle Cyrus: I was correct. You are an imbecile.
Uncle Cedric: Actually, I believe that Flapdoodle has some rather colourful relations.
Uncle Cyrus: Everyone is against me. Everyone.
Mr. Codswallop: Here come the ladies now. It is time to continue our journey.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't see any powder on their noses.
Comments
Mr. Codswallop: I believe they said they were off to powder their noses.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I thought they had to go to the bathroom.
Mr. Codswallop: That is what the euphemism represented.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I didn't do anything. Don't say "you" to me.
Mr. Codswallop: A euphemism...oh never mind.
Uncle Cyrus: We are nearing the end of our quest. Charles and Joseph cannot be far ahead of us now.
Uncle Cedric: My greatest fear is they will find the instructions for unleashing the weapons of mass destruction on an unsuspecting humanity.
Uncle Cyrus: You were not so foolish as to leave them an operator's manual, were you, Cedric?
Uncle Cedric: At least I did not attempt to sell them the weaponry and betray all of the human race.
Uncle Cyrus: I was only doing what was best for the family.
Mr. Flapdoodle: And trying to impress the Manor Lady.
Uncle Cyrus: I will not stand for you besmirching Her Ladyship in my presence.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You are sitting.
Uncle Cyrus: Your belittling of Her Ladyship is unconscionable.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I didn't notice her size changing at all.
Mr. Codswallop: Let us not bicker among ourselves. We have far more important concerns.
Uncle Cyrus: Sure, you have Elizabeth either way. Win or lose.
Mr. Codswallop: I had not intended to ever be part of anyone's plans.
Uncle Cyrus: And Flapdoodle is forever getting friendly with Her Ladyship.
Uncle Cedric: Or the other way around.
Uncle Cyrus: Must everyone attempt to humiliate me?
Mr. Flapdoodle: You seem to have a talent for it yourself. It's a bit like my Uncle Eli...
Uncle Cyrus: Absolutely no one cares about your low brow relatives and their lack of breeding.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Oh they bred alright. There are lots of them.
Uncle Cyrus: I was correct. You are an imbecile.
Uncle Cedric: Actually, I believe that Flapdoodle has some rather colourful relations.
Uncle Cyrus: Everyone is against me. Everyone.
Mr. Codswallop: Here come the ladies now. It is time to continue our journey.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't see any powder on their noses.
Comments
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXXVII
Mr. Flapdoodle: Are we there yet?
Mr. Codswallop: What is the "there" to which you refer?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, there, there.
Mr. Codswallop: You mean perhaps the location of Charles and Joseph?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, that is a there, isn't it?
Mr. Codswallop: I would suggest patience.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Are we going to the hospital? Who's sick?
Mr. Codswallop: We are not going anywhere near any hospital that I am aware.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You were talking about some patients.
Uncle Cyrus: Would you two mind not discussing your usual inane topics?
Mr. Flapdoodle: You go back to sleep, and keep your foot off mine.
Uncle Cyrus: It is difficult for the ladies to rest with you babbling about nothing.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I wasn't talking about nothing. I was asking if we were there yet.
Uncle Cyrus: Maybe my nephew can inform us of that situation. As Flapdoodle asked, are we there yet?
Mr. Codswallop: We are not here. We are not there. We are not even remotely close to being anywhere.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He's a poet, you know.
Uncle Cyrus: I believe the lad has gone insane from listening to you.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He's been that way as long as I've known him.
Uncle Cedric: Have we arrived at our destination.
Mr. Flapdoodle: See, Cedric wants to know if we're there yet too.
Mr. Codswallop: We have not yet arrived at any destination.
Uncle Cedric: Well then, back to my sleep.
Uncle Cyrus: How can you sleep with these two blithering idiots and their inane banter?
Uncle Cedric: I grew up listening to you, Cyrus.
Elizabeth Stuart: Why did no one awaken me if we are there.
Mr. Codswallop: We are most assuredly not there yet.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I could have sworn someone said we had arrived.
Mr. Codswallop: We have not arrived. Is everyone clear on that fact?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I think he means we're not there yet.
Mr. Codswallop: That is precisely what I mean.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I was first to ask though.
Uncle Cyrus: Flapdoodle would consider that an honour, would he not?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I sure would. By the way, are we there yet?
Comments
Mr. Codswallop: What is the "there" to which you refer?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, there, there.
Mr. Codswallop: You mean perhaps the location of Charles and Joseph?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, that is a there, isn't it?
Mr. Codswallop: I would suggest patience.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Are we going to the hospital? Who's sick?
Mr. Codswallop: We are not going anywhere near any hospital that I am aware.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You were talking about some patients.
Uncle Cyrus: Would you two mind not discussing your usual inane topics?
Mr. Flapdoodle: You go back to sleep, and keep your foot off mine.
Uncle Cyrus: It is difficult for the ladies to rest with you babbling about nothing.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I wasn't talking about nothing. I was asking if we were there yet.
Uncle Cyrus: Maybe my nephew can inform us of that situation. As Flapdoodle asked, are we there yet?
Mr. Codswallop: We are not here. We are not there. We are not even remotely close to being anywhere.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He's a poet, you know.
Uncle Cyrus: I believe the lad has gone insane from listening to you.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He's been that way as long as I've known him.
Uncle Cedric: Have we arrived at our destination.
Mr. Flapdoodle: See, Cedric wants to know if we're there yet too.
Mr. Codswallop: We have not yet arrived at any destination.
Uncle Cedric: Well then, back to my sleep.
Uncle Cyrus: How can you sleep with these two blithering idiots and their inane banter?
Uncle Cedric: I grew up listening to you, Cyrus.
Elizabeth Stuart: Why did no one awaken me if we are there.
Mr. Codswallop: We are most assuredly not there yet.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: I could have sworn someone said we had arrived.
Mr. Codswallop: We have not arrived. Is everyone clear on that fact?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I think he means we're not there yet.
Mr. Codswallop: That is precisely what I mean.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I was first to ask though.
Uncle Cyrus: Flapdoodle would consider that an honour, would he not?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I sure would. By the way, are we there yet?
Comments
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXXVI
Charles Stuart: We have found them at last.
Joseph Stuart: The Annunaki weapons of mass destruction are ours.
Charles : We will now control the entire planet.
Joseph: The entire populace will bow to us and beg for life.
Charles: We will only select the best classes to live. The world population must be reduced immediately to half a billion from the current level of over six billion pathetic souls.
Joseph: Those of our species, with Annunaki genetics, will be on the survivor list of course.
Charles: The bulk of the useless eaters are an inferior species, lacking the proper genetics.
Joseph: One of these wonderful alien weapons selects specifically to not kill those with Annunaki genes.
Charles: What a blessing to humanity such a weapon would be, and such a pleasure to use.
Joseph: I hope to see millions upon millions of worthless people begging to be allowed to live.
Charles: I do as well. Of course, they will die.
Joseph: We will select out the most beautiful women for the pleasure of the elite survivors.
Charles: Of course, they will have to be sterilized to prevent the confluence of their mere human genetics with the superior genes of the select.
Joseph: That indeed is a given.
Charles: The gentlemen of the better classes require many women for their entertainment and relaxation.
Joseph: That is indeed a certainty. The elites have earned that privilege.
Charles: Do you know how to operate these exotic and delightful weapons of world improvement?
Joseph: That fool of a Cedric Codswallop left a manual outlining their precise operation.
Charles: The fool will unwittingly help to destroy the other fools of the planet.
Joseph: We never even paid him for the entertainment that the elimination of the masses will provide for us.
Charles: I move to let him live. As a reward, we will give him a few of the women for his pleasure.
Joseph: Your generosity knows no boundaries.
Charles: Once we get rid of the worthless populace, we can rule our world as the Annunaki intended.
Joseph: They kept humanity as slaves, and as their flock.
Charles: As above, so below.
Jospeh: It is written.
Comments
Joseph Stuart: The Annunaki weapons of mass destruction are ours.
Charles : We will now control the entire planet.
Joseph: The entire populace will bow to us and beg for life.
Charles: We will only select the best classes to live. The world population must be reduced immediately to half a billion from the current level of over six billion pathetic souls.
Joseph: Those of our species, with Annunaki genetics, will be on the survivor list of course.
Charles: The bulk of the useless eaters are an inferior species, lacking the proper genetics.
Joseph: One of these wonderful alien weapons selects specifically to not kill those with Annunaki genes.
Charles: What a blessing to humanity such a weapon would be, and such a pleasure to use.
Joseph: I hope to see millions upon millions of worthless people begging to be allowed to live.
Charles: I do as well. Of course, they will die.
Joseph: We will select out the most beautiful women for the pleasure of the elite survivors.
Charles: Of course, they will have to be sterilized to prevent the confluence of their mere human genetics with the superior genes of the select.
Joseph: That indeed is a given.
Charles: The gentlemen of the better classes require many women for their entertainment and relaxation.
Joseph: That is indeed a certainty. The elites have earned that privilege.
Charles: Do you know how to operate these exotic and delightful weapons of world improvement?
Joseph: That fool of a Cedric Codswallop left a manual outlining their precise operation.
Charles: The fool will unwittingly help to destroy the other fools of the planet.
Joseph: We never even paid him for the entertainment that the elimination of the masses will provide for us.
Charles: I move to let him live. As a reward, we will give him a few of the women for his pleasure.
Joseph: Your generosity knows no boundaries.
Charles: Once we get rid of the worthless populace, we can rule our world as the Annunaki intended.
Joseph: They kept humanity as slaves, and as their flock.
Charles: As above, so below.
Jospeh: It is written.
Comments
Monday, May 03, 2004
Do ya wanna know a secret?
Mr. Codswallop: You may be interested to know that the Australian gentleman Darren Rowse of Blogger Idol wants to know the secret.
Mr. Flapdoodle: The secret of what?
Mr. Codswallop: I have no idea. He simply mentioned a secret.
Mr. Flapdoodle: If it's one of those secret lingerie company catalogues, I want those secrets too.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe he was wanting a more esoteric secret.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Like life, the universe and everything. Wait, that's already been done.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps he wants the secret of the fountain of youth.
Mr. Flapdoodle: My Uncle Eli was caught near a fountain with a youth and that cost him ten years in the slammer. That is a family secret of course.
Mr. Codswallop: I do not believe that he wants anything quite so unnerving.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You want unnerving. I'll tell you the secret of playing goal in hockey.
Mr. Codswallop: You mean that ruffian's sport played with sticks on ice?
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's the one.
Mr. Codswallop: I did not realize there was any secret to such an unruly event.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, you see the game is played like this. I was put into goal because I couldn't skate and I didn't know any better.
Mr. Codswallop: That certainly describes you very well.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well they have these huge men who hit the puck with their sticks, and send the puck flying at me, at over ninety miles an hour.
Mr. Codswallop: That is where you were stationed. Good show.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I tried to duck out of the way of the flying pucks, which looked like bullets coming at my head.
Mr. Codswallop: Were you successful in your escape?
Mr. Flapdoodle: No, I was much to slow to get out of the way. All of the pucks hit me. None missed me.
Mr. Codswallop: Were you removed from the duties of a netminder as a result?
Mr. Flapdoodle: No, I wasn't. It seems I made what they called "great saves" and declared me the team's starting goaltender.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps you were to start, but were you able to complete your assignment? Did anyone go to your aid?
Mr. Flapdoodle: No, they wouldn't let me out of the goal, because I was always too slow to get out of the way of the puck. I kept getting hit. No one else seemed to get hit.
Mr. Codswallop: I am certain your team mates must have felt your pain.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No, they enjoyed seeing me suffer. So did our fans. They cheered and clapped every time the puck hit me. They even seemed to delight in a death chant of my name.
Mr. Codswallop: That is brutally sadistic.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Tell me about it. It was very painful. I wasn't able to avoid a single puck. They called it a shutout. Everyone was laughing and cheering and chanting. I was aching with pain.
Mr. Codswallop: Have you discovered the secret of getting out of being a goal keeper?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I haven't discovered the secret yet, but maybe if I get in shape, I might get out of the way faster.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps your mates would feel good about that prospect.
Mr. Flapdoodle: When I told them about that, they refused to let me do anything to change my poor escapes. Something about changing the luck.
Mr. Codswallop: It did not sound too fortunate for your well being.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't think the rest of the team likes me.
Mr. Codswallop: Why would you get that impression?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I did manage to avoid one puck in our third game, and they all seemed very unhappy about it.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps they enjoy pain in that group.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You might have a point there. They all seem to have a secret about something. I think it's the phone number to Helga's House of Pain.
Mr. Codswallop: That very well could be the case after all.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I knew we'd find the secret sooner or later.
Comments
Mr. Flapdoodle: The secret of what?
Mr. Codswallop: I have no idea. He simply mentioned a secret.
Mr. Flapdoodle: If it's one of those secret lingerie company catalogues, I want those secrets too.
Mr. Codswallop: I believe he was wanting a more esoteric secret.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Like life, the universe and everything. Wait, that's already been done.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps he wants the secret of the fountain of youth.
Mr. Flapdoodle: My Uncle Eli was caught near a fountain with a youth and that cost him ten years in the slammer. That is a family secret of course.
Mr. Codswallop: I do not believe that he wants anything quite so unnerving.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You want unnerving. I'll tell you the secret of playing goal in hockey.
Mr. Codswallop: You mean that ruffian's sport played with sticks on ice?
Mr. Flapdoodle: That's the one.
Mr. Codswallop: I did not realize there was any secret to such an unruly event.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, you see the game is played like this. I was put into goal because I couldn't skate and I didn't know any better.
Mr. Codswallop: That certainly describes you very well.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well they have these huge men who hit the puck with their sticks, and send the puck flying at me, at over ninety miles an hour.
Mr. Codswallop: That is where you were stationed. Good show.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I tried to duck out of the way of the flying pucks, which looked like bullets coming at my head.
Mr. Codswallop: Were you successful in your escape?
Mr. Flapdoodle: No, I was much to slow to get out of the way. All of the pucks hit me. None missed me.
Mr. Codswallop: Were you removed from the duties of a netminder as a result?
Mr. Flapdoodle: No, I wasn't. It seems I made what they called "great saves" and declared me the team's starting goaltender.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps you were to start, but were you able to complete your assignment? Did anyone go to your aid?
Mr. Flapdoodle: No, they wouldn't let me out of the goal, because I was always too slow to get out of the way of the puck. I kept getting hit. No one else seemed to get hit.
Mr. Codswallop: I am certain your team mates must have felt your pain.
Mr. Flapdoodle: No, they enjoyed seeing me suffer. So did our fans. They cheered and clapped every time the puck hit me. They even seemed to delight in a death chant of my name.
Mr. Codswallop: That is brutally sadistic.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Tell me about it. It was very painful. I wasn't able to avoid a single puck. They called it a shutout. Everyone was laughing and cheering and chanting. I was aching with pain.
Mr. Codswallop: Have you discovered the secret of getting out of being a goal keeper?
Mr. Flapdoodle: I haven't discovered the secret yet, but maybe if I get in shape, I might get out of the way faster.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps your mates would feel good about that prospect.
Mr. Flapdoodle: When I told them about that, they refused to let me do anything to change my poor escapes. Something about changing the luck.
Mr. Codswallop: It did not sound too fortunate for your well being.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I don't think the rest of the team likes me.
Mr. Codswallop: Why would you get that impression?
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I did manage to avoid one puck in our third game, and they all seemed very unhappy about it.
Mr. Codswallop: Perhaps they enjoy pain in that group.
Mr. Flapdoodle: You might have a point there. They all seem to have a secret about something. I think it's the phone number to Helga's House of Pain.
Mr. Codswallop: That very well could be the case after all.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I knew we'd find the secret sooner or later.
Comments
Sunday, May 02, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXXV
Mr. Flapdoodle: Has anyone got any ideas about what we are going to say to Chuck and Joe when we catch them?
Mr. Codswallop: I believe we need to formulate a plan of action.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I say we just go up them and take whatever they have.
Uncle Cedric: I do not believe you understand the power of the alien made weaponry.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I don't know anything about alien maids or their guns but I don't think we should worry.
Elizabeth Stuart: Father is very determined in his goals and will not be deterred easily.
Uncle Cyrus: I know now that Joseph, who I thought was my friend and confidant cannot be trusted.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: You are rather slow in that regard Cyrus.
Uncle Cyrus: You have turned on me as well. I was led to believe we would one day marry.
Her Ladyship: I believe you were led the wrong way.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We outnumber them even with Cy. We can get the drop on them, even with Cy.
Uncle Cyrus: I will have you know that I am a veteran of conflict and war.
Mr. Codswallop: There is no need for us to fight among ourselves. Charles and Joseph are the problem.
Elizabeth: Perhaps I can talk to father.
Her Ladyship: I sincerely doubt if he will alter his plans in any way.
Uncle Cedric: He is probably already drunk with power.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He'll be easier to take if he's loaded.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cedric was using a figure of speech.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Your family uses a lot of those. No wonder no one knows what they are talking about half the time.
Mr. Codswallop: I suppose we are left to formulate a plan as we go.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Make it up as we go along. Sounds good to me.
Uncle Cyrus: I suggest we use a maneuver employed by Napoleon.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'd rather not.
Mr. Codswallop: Let me think about the matter. Perhaps something in the way of an opportunity will present itself.
Mr. Flapdoodle: LIke I said. We'll make up our plan as we go along.
Comments
Mr. Codswallop: I believe we need to formulate a plan of action.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I say we just go up them and take whatever they have.
Uncle Cedric: I do not believe you understand the power of the alien made weaponry.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Well, I don't know anything about alien maids or their guns but I don't think we should worry.
Elizabeth Stuart: Father is very determined in his goals and will not be deterred easily.
Uncle Cyrus: I know now that Joseph, who I thought was my friend and confidant cannot be trusted.
Her Ladyship of Pyle Manor: You are rather slow in that regard Cyrus.
Uncle Cyrus: You have turned on me as well. I was led to believe we would one day marry.
Her Ladyship: I believe you were led the wrong way.
Mr. Flapdoodle: We outnumber them even with Cy. We can get the drop on them, even with Cy.
Uncle Cyrus: I will have you know that I am a veteran of conflict and war.
Mr. Codswallop: There is no need for us to fight among ourselves. Charles and Joseph are the problem.
Elizabeth: Perhaps I can talk to father.
Her Ladyship: I sincerely doubt if he will alter his plans in any way.
Uncle Cedric: He is probably already drunk with power.
Mr. Flapdoodle: He'll be easier to take if he's loaded.
Mr. Codswallop: Uncle Cedric was using a figure of speech.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Your family uses a lot of those. No wonder no one knows what they are talking about half the time.
Mr. Codswallop: I suppose we are left to formulate a plan as we go.
Mr. Flapdoodle: Make it up as we go along. Sounds good to me.
Uncle Cyrus: I suggest we use a maneuver employed by Napoleon.
Mr. Flapdoodle: I'd rather not.
Mr. Codswallop: Let me think about the matter. Perhaps something in the way of an opportunity will present itself.
Mr. Flapdoodle: LIke I said. We'll make up our plan as we go along.
Comments
Saturday, May 01, 2004
Codswallop Chronicles: A Novel LXXIV
Charles Stuart: We are almost out of petrol. We shall require an addition of fuel to our tank.
Joseph: I see a service station up the road ahead.
Charles: Do not stop at one of those dreadful places that require a gentleman to add his own petrol the tank.
Joseph: I would never even consider such an option.
Charles: The lesser beings, whose purpose is to serve their betters, should fill the tank on our behalf.
Joseph: That is as it should be in a proper society.
Charles: We simply must eliminate ninety percent of the world's population. They are a needless drain on resources and serve no useful function.
Joseph: All that is required is a slave servant to take care of the unpleasantries.
Charles: They are born into slavery now. The fools simply fail to understand. After all, most of the worthless population are stupid and only care about pleasure.
Joseph: Our planned extermination camps and biological population reduction will be easy with the Annunaki weaponry.
Charles: Some of the mind controlling devices will have the fools marching joyfully to their much deserved demise.
Joseph: We control the children because we will control the world's schools.
Charles: It will be a blessing to humanity when we cause a lockdown of tha schools and transport the children away to their reeducation compounds.
Joseph: It will be for their own good. We will quietly remove all of those with inferior genetics. That would be, according to my estimate, about three quarters of them in total.
Charles: The better lots can be trained properly for their roles as either master or servant.
Joseph: Their classes are fixed in any case. We would be helping them to think as we place them where they are more well suited.
Charles: The remaining half billion people on Earth will thank us for our efforts.
Joseph: We ask not much of society. All we request is cooperation and the satisfaction of a job well done. History will remember us as the true saviours of humanity.
Charles: You are truly wise, my brother. The world needs a strong firm hand. We will provide it for them. After all, the populace are like children and need to be disciplined and given their orders.
Joseph: They do not want to be free. They want to be slaves. We are giving them what they want.
Service Station Attendant: Would you like a fill up, sir?
Joseph: Yes, and be quick about it too. Wash the windscreen as well.
Attendant: Yes, sir.
Charles: Every inferior being should call us lord or master, and be thankful to be allowed to even live. We will write it into the laws of the world.
Attendant: That will be forty Pounds, sir.
Joseph: Here is your money. Oh, I dropped it on the ground. Do pick it up will you?
Charles: Let us go now. Oh, look at the fool grovelling for a few bills.
Joseph: They are truly pathetic beings, are they not.
Charles: Mark him down for extermination.
Joseph: That will be a pleasure. Comments
Joseph: I see a service station up the road ahead.
Charles: Do not stop at one of those dreadful places that require a gentleman to add his own petrol the tank.
Joseph: I would never even consider such an option.
Charles: The lesser beings, whose purpose is to serve their betters, should fill the tank on our behalf.
Joseph: That is as it should be in a proper society.
Charles: We simply must eliminate ninety percent of the world's population. They are a needless drain on resources and serve no useful function.
Joseph: All that is required is a slave servant to take care of the unpleasantries.
Charles: They are born into slavery now. The fools simply fail to understand. After all, most of the worthless population are stupid and only care about pleasure.
Joseph: Our planned extermination camps and biological population reduction will be easy with the Annunaki weaponry.
Charles: Some of the mind controlling devices will have the fools marching joyfully to their much deserved demise.
Joseph: We control the children because we will control the world's schools.
Charles: It will be a blessing to humanity when we cause a lockdown of tha schools and transport the children away to their reeducation compounds.
Joseph: It will be for their own good. We will quietly remove all of those with inferior genetics. That would be, according to my estimate, about three quarters of them in total.
Charles: The better lots can be trained properly for their roles as either master or servant.
Joseph: Their classes are fixed in any case. We would be helping them to think as we place them where they are more well suited.
Charles: The remaining half billion people on Earth will thank us for our efforts.
Joseph: We ask not much of society. All we request is cooperation and the satisfaction of a job well done. History will remember us as the true saviours of humanity.
Charles: You are truly wise, my brother. The world needs a strong firm hand. We will provide it for them. After all, the populace are like children and need to be disciplined and given their orders.
Joseph: They do not want to be free. They want to be slaves. We are giving them what they want.
Service Station Attendant: Would you like a fill up, sir?
Joseph: Yes, and be quick about it too. Wash the windscreen as well.
Attendant: Yes, sir.
Charles: Every inferior being should call us lord or master, and be thankful to be allowed to even live. We will write it into the laws of the world.
Attendant: That will be forty Pounds, sir.
Joseph: Here is your money. Oh, I dropped it on the ground. Do pick it up will you?
Charles: Let us go now. Oh, look at the fool grovelling for a few bills.
Joseph: They are truly pathetic beings, are they not.
Charles: Mark him down for extermination.
Joseph: That will be a pleasure. Comments
